here is my most recent heartache in the words of Sara Bareilles.. and NO this is not her song "Love Song" it's called "Between The Lines"

Time to tell me the truth
To burden your mouth for what you say
No pieces of paper in the way
Cause i cant continue pretending to choose
The opposite sides on which we fall
The loving you laters if at all
No right minds could wrong be this many times

My memory is cruel
Im queen of attention to details
Defending intentions if he fails
Until now, he told me her name
It sounded familiar in a way
I could have sworn i'd heard him say it ten thousand times
If only i had been listening

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always between the lines
Between the lines

I thought i thought i was ready to bleed
That we'd move from the shadows on the wall
And stand in the center of it all
Too late two choices to stay or to leave
Mine was so easy to uncover
He'd already left with the other
So i've learned to listen through silence

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me be
You and me always be

I tell myself all the words he surely meant to say
I'll talk until the conversation doesn't stay on
Wait for me i'm almost ready
When he meant let go

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always be
You and me
Always between the lines

What is normalcy exactly? Who decides what makes a person normal...strange...insane? If one person calls me strange does that make it true? Where do we draw that thin line between societies standards and everything else?

I feel sometimes like people expect me to be some sort of stuck up yuppy in order for them to be able to accept me. If being the way I am now makes me strange then by God I'm glad that I'm an oddball. My family tells me it's just a "phase" that I'll "grow out of". Maybe they're right, but I sure hope not. I don't ever want to be one of those people that walks around like I have a stick up my ass.

But back to the questions at hand. I happen to believe that the people who treat others like they are inferior are just so worried that people will hate them if they act like individuals that they take it out on the people who have the courage to do what they never will. Be themselves. As much as I wish I could tell myself that all of this isn't true, Idon't think I'll be able to honestly say that to myself within this life time.

If people aren't being assholes because your skin is a different color, then it's because of your religion, the music you listen to, the clothes you wear, even your political beliefs. I don't understand why people are so wrapped up in finding reasons to hate other people, or to make themselves feel superior. They're missing out on all sorts of great people and experiences. To some extent I feel sorry for them.

I guess that's all I really have to say right now. Any one got any opinions on who "they" are. You know who I'm talking about. Those people everyone mentions when saying "you know what they say". Who are THEY and why do people think that THEY have the power to dictate our lives?

have been thrown to the floor and stomped on with steel-toed boots. That's right, not only have they been removed and broken; but they have been broken in a tremendously violent fashion. I've always been the one to try and see the silver lining, and even now as every thing is falling apart in front of me I find myself trying to cling to the very ideologies that have gotten me to the point I am at today. I'm past my PSR (for those of you geniuses out there... that means point of safe return) and I find myself jumping blindly into the future, hoping that something good will come of it, but having a feeling in my gut that nothing will.

I woke up this morning with my usual cheery attitude (even when things are terribly wrong I always find myself feeling fantastic in the mornings) and I thought "nothing can touch me today!" Oh, how mistaken I was. Turns out that everything got to me today. A combination of a couple good friends being mad at me, my wondrous family life, and my magically fantastic place in this world all attacked me at once. I guess that's just what happens when you keep things bottled up like I usually do. My insides feel like a can of coke that some genius stuck in the freezer thinking "I'll just leave it there for a bit so it cools down" but then forgets about it and the can just explodes all over the place leaving a mess that takes forever to clean up. I'm not sure how to explain it any better than that.

Once I got home I decided.. I'll take a nap. I always feel great when I wake up... maybe I'm just tired. Wrong again. my nap turned into a very long sleep and I awoke at 4 0'clock this morning. However, rather than my usual chipper morning mood I awoke thinking "why get out of bed, nothing can hurt me here and if I get up a million things could go wrong from stubbing my toe on the bed post to getting hit with a semi" I have never in my life thought such things and I'm not sure what to make of it. But still, here I am thinking maybe tomorrow I'll wake up and everything will be great again. I'll just go about my day like usual and tomorrow will be better again.

As much as I would love to believe those things, again "jumping blindly into the future" I know for a fact in my gut that things won't get better AGAIN because I'm not entirely sure that things were good to begin with. I just conned myself into thinking they were so I wouldn't have to cope with all of my emotions, and my family. So in a way my rose colored glasses were a lot less rose colored than I had imagined because they weren't tinted with optimism, they were tinted with my own special brand of avoidance.

I'm not quite sure why I felt the need to post this here because if you have read any of my other posts you know I'm not usually this "open". I think it has something to do with me needing to tell other people about what I'm thinking so that way I can stop trying to lie to myself about my avoidance. Maybe give myself a little extra nudge to take some of my problems on. Either way I'm not really concerned about whether or not anyone read this because even posting it has given me some sick sense of accomplishment.

Yet another Kevin Smith quote in my title. I was somewhat shocked when someone asked me who Kevin Smith was last week... Honestly, they didnt know who I was talking about until I said "Silent Bob!" haha what has the world come to!? lol

Anyways, Kevin smith Isn't the purpose of this entry. To tell you the truth I don't really know what the purpose of this entry is. I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine's Day (single or not). I spent my day working, but I LOVE what I do so I had an amazing day with the one I love lmao.

I'm currently trying to book a 3 month tour for Mute Issue and my record label is trying to sign this kick ass band from Russia, I mean they are like NOFX meets less formulaic awesome-ness. Oh, and I was working on my contact list... hours of work and I only made it to MICHIGAN! Oh well it will be worth all the effort in the end.

Speaking of effort, has anyone made the effort to read any good books lately?! I'm kind of at a stand still and am trying to find some books I haven't read yet. A few suggestions would be wonderful. I'm into books like Blink, The Tao of Pooh, 1984... things of that sort, but I'm pretty open-minded so just shoot me some titles or authors so I can entertain myself.

Thanks.
-Elina

P.S. Sorry for my pointless ramblings.

Ok here's the deal. My defualt picture doesn't really give off any sense of who I am because that was a day I dressed up for my birthday. I am not a prep, nor do I usually look all spiffy. Not to say I don't dress myself properly or that I dont bathe often enough I'm simply stating that My hair is not usually done that way and I don't usually dress the way you see on my picture. I will post a new picture soon to make the stupid people who think they know everything because they saw one picture of me stop sending me messages.

Ok, so its 3:41am and I don't know why I'm still awake other than I got bored at 2am and started watching Clerks 2 (hence the title of this entry). I'm still a little bored and not yet tired. lol. Anyways I haven't really posted anything in a while so here's life... I'm trying to find a new job, I'm in the middle of booking a tour for a local band called Faded Sound, and I know exactly what I want to do with my life just have no clue where to start in order to get there. Honestly the best news I have right now is I got my tickets to go see Anti - Flag on April 13th BUT my best friend refuses to go because he refers to them as "Anti-Fag". Original huh? ::end sarcasm::

OH! Some guy tried to give me the "pity me... nice guys finish last" speech and I think it took all my strength to not kill him. Guys tell me that shit all the time but I don't get how that works out. I know that I don't want to go out with some asshole just because he's hot I mean honestly... been there done that and it's not all its cracked up to be. Is it to much to ask of a guy to be well-rounded? I don't want you to be an asshole, just be able to kid around about stuff... SARCASM DOES NOT HURT MY FEELINGS! It's when people say stuff and mean it that sucks. I LIKE nice guys but most of them are to caught up in the fact that they never get what they want to notice that they CAN get what they want it's just they refuse to take charge long enough to go get it. Hence the reason that the guy with the bad boy persona usually get the girl... ITS BECAUSE HE KNEW WHAT HE WANTED AND WENT AFTER IT! Ok well that's enough of that.

Onto a lighter subject, I've actually been in amazingly good mood lately. It would have been pure bliss had the afore mentioned guy not been wallowing in his own self-pity. I've been chillin with a lot of friends I haven't seen in awhile, checking out some new local bands, and I've gotten a lot done with the Faded Sound tour. I already have 6 dates booked : )... out of 27 but honestly confirming 6 shows in two weeks is not an easy task. I've been listening to the distillers a lot lately and I realized the Brody Dalle sounds like a man. lol. Even her name sounds manly, but it's ok because her voice is amazing either way. They have this songs "Love Is Paranoid" that hit really close to home today which made me like the band even more.

I think that's pretty much it for today lol.

Much Love
Elina

Scene, it's such a bad word... wait no, what the fuck! Tell me what is so bad about a community of people supporting local talent and decent music? Tell me what is wrong with a group of people who don't need a TV or radio stations to tell them what to listen to? What is bad about supporting music that is completely independent from the popular money-driven gargle-swish-and spit everyone loves to buy?

I don't know how we got to this disgusting connotation, but a scene is supposed to be an amazing thing that everyone envies. I don't understand how the stereotype came about of it being a popularity contest full of attention whores. A scene isn't fully barren of these kinds of people, but its definitely not the majority, or at least it shouldn't be. If it is, then that's not a real scene. It's funny to joke about "scene kids this" and "scene kids that" but in the end, you are only hurting what could be.
Maybe the majority don't understand what a scene should be. It really is supposed to be a close knit community of people who come under one roof to enjoy something they all have in common, good music. Things that come along the lines of a local scene include D.I.Y. ethics and often common values and morals. A scene doesn't care if you are white, black, Mexican, or middle eastern. All a scene really wants is for you to support some good music, some good people, and some good fun.

I'm probably not qualified to be preaching to you about a scene, but it needs to be done. A website like this has great potential to create an amazing close knit community of people and frankly I can't wait. So stop the ridicule and try to help out in what could be.

Support Local Music!

Punk that still has a message. That's where it all came from and Against All Authority knows it. They never left their roots and their values, and after 14 years that must be hard. But yet again, they put out another album, and unlike other bands it doesn't all sound the same yet it's not totally different to go with the times.

The CD starts with a, fitting to AAA*, soundclip of what I guess is one of Bush's speech's scrambed to fit the song and album (but I could be wrong, he might've actually said that). Thus kicking off the album perfectly. The whole album is message after message and I'm not one to preach it, and personally I must say, AAA is. Every song has a message to shove in your face.

One song that touched me and was overdue is Sunshine Fist Magnet. The whole album is dedicated to Brian Deneke but this song is about him. If you don't know who Brian Deneke is and what happened, check out http://www.briandeneke.org/ or listen to the song.

Sometimes I wonder how bands still do it. And AAA is one of the bands that I wonder about. They've been doing it a long time and I don't know how they live on band revenue and keep their morals and values for so long. But they do it... and they sing about it in Shut It Down.

My personal favorite has to be I Just Wanna Start A Circle Pit. One thing that lacks in the local scene is a common sense at show-goers. But at their CD release when AAA played this song, the crowd did it right, and it made me proud again. AAA has been uniting this scene for years and I'm sure all of the Miami scene is proud to have them represent us.

Over all the cd is different then every other cd. It has more of a Rock n' Roll punk sound but it's expected and they still have horns and that occasional ska beat everyone enjoys. The art is extremely unique and inspiring. Almost like political cartoons... but more realistic and impacting. There are messages printed plainly on the pictures, and one is worth mentioning The Soundtrack to World War III Sounds Like This. This cd is a neseccary listen to if you are a fan of AAA, punk, ska, or if you care what's happening in the world. Against All Authority doesn't care about your feelings of fear and lost of freedoms back. They care that you know what's happening and try, to the best of their ability, the truth.

*AAA - abbreviation for Against All Authority