I know that my mother laced my milk with the venom of the black mamba. They also said that I tussled with alligators and fought bears with my bare hands when I was 3years old. I don't know if these stories are true. They could be true though, since i haven't seen any bears nor alligators in the Belgian woods or rivers lately.
I look spectacular. That goes without saying. The only thing more incredible than my looks, must be my natural odor, which is a combination of the smell of puppies, the kitchen on christmas eve and cherrywood.
Because I am so ridiculously good looking, there are a lot of myths going on about me. Some myths I will now debunk;
Myth 1: I named my penis Georgio Papadopulos. False! I do not have a name for my penis other than Mr. Hammerstone. He's a real epicurean all the way!
Myth 2: I was bestowed to the earth by the gods. Hmm, this one is hard to dispel. It would take a god like Apollo or Jupiter, or, worst case scenario, Wodan to make such a gift. And I have called on these gods more than once and they never told me specifically that I was put on earth by them. So I have to go with no, the myth is false.
Myth 3: My birth was the main cause of the demolition of the Berlin Wall. That story is actually true. But I would hardly call that a myth.
Myth 4: Each strand of my hair carries the DNA to not only clone a person that makes George Clooney look like a garbage bag of an abattoir on a sunny day, it also carries the DNA to cure AIDS. This rumor is false! The universities of Brussels, Harvard and Oxford who studied my hair strands for a long time have detected the DNA for the cure of multiple deadly diseases. AIDS wasn't one of them.
Myth 5: My hair is insured by ING insurances for 3000€.
False! it's KBC Bank & Insurances and it's 4500€, thank you very much.
Myth 6: My smile was the official stand-in for Brad Pitt's smile in the movie Meet Joe Black. Wrong! My smile was definitely up for the part, but James Franco's smile got the gig eventually and he did an awesome job.
Glad I've been able to debunk these myths.
In my present life I wade across the rooftops of Brussels, dressed in long tights and a latex mask to prevent and solve crimes.
that's 130% true