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...and having gone to play ball on the road to Xibalba, they were overheard by One Death and Seven Death, the lords of Xibalba.

** Last Updated 7/31/07 * "The Huracan Update" **

Well, let's see. Let me get some of my pet peeves out of the way first, since I hate it when I read a whole profile and go "yeah, this gal is great!" only to find out she smokes or whatever at the bottom of the page. If you see something you don't like, you can move on to the next profile with a minimum of wasted time. Aren't I considerate? ^_^

So. I don't like fakeness. I'm not that partial to makeup, I dislike fake breasts (*see disclaimer below!), I avoid fake people in general. I abhor smoking with a passion, to the point that I won't closely associate with smokers. Vindictiveness, jealousy, manipulativeness, and melodrama are all good ways to alienate me. I don't like playing "relationship games". I also detest littering, if I am nearby and you litter, expect to get castigated at the least and possibly punched. People who litter *and* smoke, best just stay as far away from me as possible, because I am your nemesis!

I DO like real breasts, and otherwise natural women who don't feel the need to slather on the makeup or spend a lot of time at the salon. And when I say "natural" I'm referring to personality as much as physicality. (See "fake people" above). I try my best not to be fake myself, meaning I try to understand myself and my feelings as best I can, and deal with relationships with my eyes open- self delusion is not for me, thanks; and if you catch me doing it feel free to smack me (figuratively at first, please, but if that doesn't work, literally is okay too), I'll respect you for it.

I DO like being magnanimous (which is not always the same as generous), caring, and affectionate, when I feel comfortable enough with someone to bring out my gentler side. I've learned that getting to know people takes time, and that first impressions aren't always right. "Sparks" or "chemistry" are mostly hormonal functions and are not good guidelines when making relationship decisions, so I try not to jump to conclusions or dive into uncertain situations willy nilly. That said, if there's *no* spark at all, why waste your time?

I have a lot of interests, some of which are abiding and others ephemeral. Some I delve into, some I skim over. I like lots of different kinds of music and media, literature, etc, that vary with my mood or inclination. I enjoy the company of friends, but sometimes I get misanthropic and need some time to myself. But when I'm not feeling antisocial I like cuddling, goofing around, play wrestling and pillow fighting (still undefeated after all these years), that sort of thing. I enjoy games of all kinds, although I'm not that good at most of them.

I can be very tender and passionate and have been told I'm a good kisser, although I'd hate to get anybody's expectations up and then fall short. I like food, and ice cream (a little too much). I enjoy erotica, ranging from artsy and beautiful to dirty and perverted, and everything in between. I'm not terribly kinky, most fetish culture just bores me silly. I enjoy reading everything from novels to magazines to comics, I like a good crossword puzzle as much as a good video game. I'm not in great shape but I'm not in terrible shape either. I should eat more vegetables and less junk, but I probably won't (unless you want to cook for me!).

K. I should note, because I know it annoys a lot of people, that I am a stickler for proper spelling and grammar. There's a difference between playing with language because you know what you're doing, and just being illiterate. So, chances are good that if we chat, and I like you enough to not want you to sound like English is your second language (even if it is), I will gently correct your spelling and word usage. I do not do this to be an asshole. I do it because I want people that I like to sound as intelligent as they actually are. Likewise, if you see me misuse or misspell something, feel free to correct me. Unlike most people, I appreciate it, because for some strange reason I don't like sounding illiterate. So. Please try not to get offended if I try to help you with your vocabulary, and if you happen to have a better grasp of the language than I do, please know that I will welcome your assistance in bringing me up to your standards. That is all.

I am of the opinion that OK Cupid's matching system is well designed and probably better than most. It's definitely better than Match.com or eHarmony, both of which costs a ricockulous amount of money to join and take themselves way too seriously. However, the vast majority of questions submitted are either too important and too nuanced to distill into a set of multiple choice answers, or too pointless and insignificant to bother answering. Fortunately, it seems they have recently made it possible to blog an answer to any question, which is actually pretty cool. It's good to know progress is being made.

You can really only get to know someone through getting to know them. So if you'd like to know more, drop me a line and strike up a conversation. I won't bite... at least not 'till I know you better *eg*

"It's easier to be angry on someone else's behalf than on my own. And yet I find I have a well of anger in me, that I have been filling for years from my own hurts. If I spill it out in defense of another, I can deny that it's mine." -Tick Tick (Finder, Emma Bull)

"What are they doing on earth? Who are they who are making the earth shake, and making so much noise? Go and call them! Let them come here to play ball. Here we will overpower them! We are no longer respected by them. They no longer have consideration, or fear of our rank, and they even fight above our heads," said all the lords of Xibalba.

I have a job that I enjoy that doesn't pay that well, because not hating my job is more important to me than money. It keeps a roof over my head, clothes on my back, and food in my mouth, and I'm cool with that. Sure, I'd like more money. But it's not worth working a suckass job every day- I've been down that road several times already, so I know.

So, I work, and the rest of the time I do whatever strikes my fancy, whether it be chilling at home with the PS2, the GameCube, or the DreamCast (I know, I'm so last-gen), reading whatever books, comics, or magazines I've recently acquired, surfing the web, chatting with friends online, heading over to Kate the Great's to catch a reading, wandering the local forest preserves in search of treasure, seeing a movie or playing some games with friends, or whatever else I feel like getting up to that day. Pretty much the same stuff everyone else does, I guess.

My basic needs are taken care of, so I'm pretty much good. I'm not greedy. I guess that means I'm not ambitious either, but I can live with that.

Also as some of you may or may not have noticed, I have this thing where I really dig having esoteric common interests with random people. Like some kind of bizarre inside joke that you never know who will get, or something. I dunno. Anyway I frequently leave cryptic or nonsensical comments for people simply because I liked some or all of their profile. Or just because I'm bored.

A while ago, I discovered that over 40% of the cocoa picked for US chocolate companies comes from the Ivory Coast, where slave labor is common and small children are often sold by their familites to the plantations for indentured servitude. As much as I adore chocolate, I can't eat it thinking about that. So now I only eat Fairly Traded cocoa products, such as are available at Whole Foods and a few other places. My favorites are the Endangered Species bars (found at www.chocolatebar.com), which are not just fairly traded, but also shade grown on a managed co-op, and donate a portion of proceeds to saving endangered wildlife. Can't really beat that combination. I heartily encourage others to do so as well. It's true there are lots of other items produced under deplorable conditions, but since chocolate, unlike say clothing, is not a necessity, but very much a desire, it seems more meaningful to me to give that up than it would be to not wear shoes or whatever. I dunno, maybe that's horribly shallow *shrug*. I'm not much of a politically active person, but when I heard about it, it felt right to do.

Fortunately I have a friend who randomly sends me non-slave chocolate munchy things in the mail. For this, my lovely, you have earned my eternal gratitude. You know who you are.

"If you're going to do something wrong, do it big, because the punishment is the same either way." -Jayne Mansfield

All of them held a council. Those called Hun-Camé and Vucub-Camé were the supreme judges. All the lords had been assigned their duties. Each one was given his own authority by Hun-Camé and Vucub-Camé.

Hm. Not much, as it turns out. Reading, I suppose, although I'm slipping in my dotage. I am intermittently skilled at various things, because I learn quickly, but tend to unlearn just as quickly when I move on to something else. Not to make it sound like I'm some kind of polymath, or one of those people who masters things so easily they are always bored. I suck at almost everything, really, except when I get lucky and discover a talent, or find it within myself to actually put some effort into learning something. I'm the sort of person who COULD be skilled at just about anything, but is too easily distracted (some would say too lazy, but they'd only be partially right) to put the time and effort into most things. So few things have a high enough return on investment to be worthwhile, you know? Sadly, that's true of people, too.

Random Fact: As of 7/08/08, there are 58 people on OK Cupid with nipples as a keyword. But I was still first!! ^_^

*DISCLAIMER*

Ok, one thing I AM really good at, is putting my foot in my mouth. Case in point, it had been pointed out to me by someone very patient, that my avowed hatred for breast implants specifically and cosmetic surgery in general was perhaps less than sensitive.

So. Just to be clear, I am not disrespecting anyone who has had medically necessary or corrective cosmetic surgery. I'm not even really dissing anyone who has implants or got a facelift or whatever. I AM saying that I personally do not appreciate or like vanity surgery, or indeed excess vanity in any incarnation. But this is just my opinion, and everyone else is entitled to theirs. I firmly believe that what a person does with their body is their own business, not mine. I may not like it, and that may be an obstacle between us getting to know each other, but that's part of life. Not everybody gets along.

Ok, foot out of mouth now, and moving on.

*/DISCLAIMER*

To paraphrase Voltaire, I may not agree with the choices you make, but I will defend to the death your right to make them.

Unless your choice is to threaten me or anyone I care about. Then it'll be you defending your death.

"Use the talents you possess - for the woods would be a very silent place if no birds sang except for the best." -Henry Van Dyke

They were, then, Xiquiripat and Cuchumaquic lords of these names. They were the two who caused the shedding of blood of the men. Others were called Ahalpuh and Ahalganá, also lords. And their work was to make men swell and make pus gush forth from their legs and stain their faces yellow, what is called Chuganal. Such was the work of Ahalpuh and Ahalganá.

The mullet. Definitely the mullet (it's harmless, really!)* And probably that I'm tall. And goofy looking.
(* Mullet update 7/6/08 : Been steadily growing my hair out since last October. It looks a mess now, but I can almost tie it all back. A few more months, I think, and it will be mullet-no-more!)

Some more random stuff because this window has more space in it: I have seen all of the Anne of Green Gables movies. And liked them. And probably cried while watching them at least once. Sometimes, I swear if I didn't like breasts and violence so much, they would revoke my Guy card for sure.

A note about my pictures: The first one is a recent webcam shot, which is why it is crappy. The second, and this is in clear and direct violation of OKCupid policy, is a decade or so old. But my friends insist that I still look the same, and I have to admit I haven't changed much. So, don't sue. I intend to get some high quality pics taken soon and put them up (This is a blantant lie. It wasn't when I first added it, but, seriously, it's never gonna happen)*, until then, this was the best I could do. I'm not terribly photogenic (as the caption says) so I haven't run around getting pictures taken of myself like some of you more egotistical folks =P
(* Turns out I have actually added a few more pics, just to make a liar of myself.)

Consistency is the hobgoblin of mediocre minds.

Immediately after them were other lords named Xic and Patán whose work it was to cause men to die on the road, which is called sudden death, making blood to rush to their mouths until they died vomiting blood. The work of each one of these lords was to seize upon them, squeeze their throats and chests, so that the men died on the road, making the blood rush to their throats when they were walking. This was the work of Xic and Patán.

In no particular order:

1) The Rabbit Kama Sutra.

2) The Demon Kite.

3) BonBon von Gloomeater!

4) The number Seven.

5) The Purple Hat.

6) Stupid lists of arbitrary nonsense.

7) What? I just told you I can't do without it.

8) Lumi, my Curse Fiend

"Everything else in the universe has a beginning, a middle, and an end, yet there is this lie that love shouldn't have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Love is somehow valid only if it is endless. I don't agree at all. It's unnatural." -Craig Fergusen

There were many punishments in Xibalba; the punishments were of many kinds. The first was the House of Gloom, Quequma-ha, in which there was only darkness. The second was Xuxulim-ha, the house where everybody shivered, in which it was very cold. A cold, unbearable wind blew within. The third was the House of Jaguars, Balami-ha, it was called, in which there were nothing but jaguars which stalked about, jumped around, roared, and made fun. The jaguars were shut up in the house.

I spend a lot of time thinking about how screwed up our society's ideas about love and relationships are, and how much needless suffering they cause, and trying my best to enlighten myself and tear free of a lifetime of ass-backward social conditioning. Sometimes I succeed, other times, not so much. But the struggle is important.

Also, if I were being honest? Breasts. I note that one of the first keywords highlighted on my profile is breasts, and this may alienate some, but why not? Who doesn't like breasts?

*From VagabondMuse's profile: "I also spend a lot of time thinking about kissing women... God, I love boobies."

Amen, sister. Amen.*

I think that people are far too willing to insult and be insulted by one another. It takes less courage for most people to cast a dirty look or an epithet at a stranger than to randomly compliment a passerby. Likewise, getting flipped off or vituperated on the road barely fazes most people, while having a stranger say something nice makes one immediately suspicious. How can we be so incredibly bass-ackwards?

Complete non sequitur: It annoys the hell out of me when people, especially on national radio programs, mispronounce "particularly". It's got TWO Ls IN IT, YOU MORONS!! I mean, seriously, I'd be mortified if I sounded that stupid in front of a kajillion people. Which is why I'm not on the radio. Although I do think it'd be fun to be a DJ, but only if I had my own show and could do anything I wanted. So, I guess, I could get myself a webcast (I will NOT call them podcasts, dammit!), except that'd be a lot of work, and I am spectacularly (which ALSO has two Ls) unmotivated to do most things that are A) a lot of work, B) unlikely to bear significant fruit, and/or C) really risky in any way. I'm not a big risk taker, in general, unless I don't really care about the outcome either way. Which means I am, by turns, completely haphazard and annoyingly meticulous. It suddenly occurs to me that I am babbling, and further that I am not doing a wonderful job of "selling myself", but frankly, this way is more honest. *shrug*

** Added 8/6/07 ** svenjimenez sent me this link to ExistSensualist's excellent post on "polyamory myths" It's a good post, lots of food for thought. I'm still not certain where I fall on the "polyish" spectrum. I'm not at all certain that I am emotionally and mentally balanced enough to handle one "serious" relationship, let alone more. I'm much too self centered. I mean, I've pretty much proved that I can't- I'm divorced.

Mostly I just prefer casual relationships with people whose company I enjoy, and who enjoy mine, but who mostly take care of their own shit the rest of the time. I dunno what that is, but since I prefer communication to labels, it doesn't really matter to me what other people would try to call it.

Another great link is Alt.Polyamory's "How to F*ck Up Relationships" FAQ. It's a tongue in cheek guide, aimed at poly relationships, but really applicable to relationships of any kind. It's pretty funny- unless you're actually involved in any of the situations it describes. *****

"If you can't kill, you are always subject to those who can." -Ender Wiggin

Zotzi-há, the House of Bats, the fourth place of punishment was called. Within this house there were nothing but bats which squeaked and cried and flew around and around. The bats were shut in and could not get out. The fifth was called Chayim-há, the House of Knives, in which there were only sharp, pointed knives, silent or grating against each other in the house.

I dunno, lately I've actually taken to having a social life, so every weekend has kinda been an adventure. Sometimes a good one, sometimes the kind you wish you could take back. Ya never know. I've enjoyed the Theater-Hikes put on at the Morton Arboretum, saw Apocalyptica play at House of Blues, attended readings and events at Kate the Great's bookstore, which will sadly be closing soon- I hope hyena9 and friends get Heathen Ink opened soon so I can hang out there =P. I have a group of friends I board game with regularly, and another group that meets on sundays for roleplaying. I've found svenjimenez an excellent mischief making companion, and we spend a fair bit of time hanging out. Somehow, amidst all the chaos, I never seem to get enough sleep.

Ooh! And I'm going with a bunch of folks to see Kooza, the new Cirque du Soleil show when it's in town next weekend! Woot ^_^

"I don't know what I'm doing after next weekend... and I don't want to." -Bjork

"Well. Today shall be the end of your days. Now you shall die. You shall be destroyed, we will break you into pieces and here your faces will stay hidden. You shall be sacrificed," said Hun-Camé and Vucub-Camé.

That I'm sad a lot more often than anyone would notice.

Other than that, I'm pretty open. Anything you want to know, just ask. I might say it's none of your business... but I might not.

And a small note, under languages I had "poor Romanian", when actually I only know a few words. I used to know more long ago, and wouldn't be averse to relearning it. Or for that matter any language you happen to speak, if you're willing to teach me ^_^ I am a sucker for accents of any kind but I especially like Celtic ones, they make me all melty =>

"I just had a dream where I was dead, and was able to understand everything. Everything, but when I woke all I understood was that I was sleeping alone." -6:35

They sacrificed them immediately and buried them in the Pucbal-Chah, as it was called. Before burying them, they cut off the head of Hun-Hunahpú and buried the older brother together with the younger brother.

Ya feel like it. I mean, really, is there any other criteria anyone actually cares about?

I should mention that I'm not specifically looking for a "mate" or any particular type of relationship. I just enjoy getting to know people and seeing what happens. Sometimes people hit it off, sometimes not. It's all good. Sure, it'd be nice if some day I find a serious partner in crime, but I'm in no hurry and in the meantime I try not to overlook other fulfilling acquaintances.

If you made it down this far (without skipping), you deserve something special. Go get yourself a new beagle. Go ahead, you've earned it.

Join the OK Cupid Frappr!

"You confront our kind at the price of your humanity, Brandon, despite all your preparations. Remember that." -The Devil's Footprints

"All collective judgement is wrong." -Elie Wiesel

"Take the head and put it in that tree which is Planted on the road," said Hun-Camé and Vucub-Camé. And having put the head in the tree, instantly the tree, which had never borne fruit before the head of Hun-Hunahpú was placed among its branches, was covered with fruit. And this calabash tree, it is said, is the one which we now call the head of Hun-Hunahpú.