I make art. I paint. I draw. I illustrate. I tattoo.
I have a sardonic sense of humor and an acerbic tongue.
I am a fountain of random facts and useless knowledge.
I love mythology, folklore, and fairytales.
I began every sentence with "I".

Literally this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9g_EheqtAOw&t=0m56s

Recent art school grad with a BFA in Illustration.
I just left a budding career in the repulsive advertising industry to pursue a tattoo apprenticeship. Hopefully I haven't made a huge mistake. I'm also an assistant at our shop's art gallery. I've also been doing freelance illustration for a couple years now, primarily for book covers and trading cards. When I'm not working, I'm painting/panicking for my first solo gallery show in NYC this summer (2013).

Ahh, the boasting section.

Drawing shit. You can check out some of my doodles here.

I'm also quite adept at procrastinating, crafting, procraftinating, terrible puns, telling stories, and saying really inappropriate things at really inopportune times whilst not giving a shit about who overhears me.

My thick ass eyebrows, piercing gaze, and how politically incorrect I am. Also my stretched earlobes, which are currently 1/2"

Books
Anything by H.P. Lovecraft, Robert E. Howard, and Edgar Allen Poe
Hemlock Grove (I illustrated the cover, so there might be a slight bias here)
The Iliad
The Odyssey
Lord Of The Rings

Comics
Hellboy
The Goon
Criminal
Incognito
100 Bullets
Transmetropolitan
Sandman
Watchmen
Berserk
Scott Pilgrim VS The World

Movies
Troy
Clerks
Beowulf
Evil Dead
Zoolander
Trollhunter
Art School Confidential
Lord of the Rings trilogy
any and all Monty Python
James and the Giant Peach
Anchorman (don't judge me)
The Nightmare Before Christmas (it sparked my interest in art as a child)

Shows
Rome
Louie
Archer
Skins (UK)
The Tudors
South Park
Bob's Burgers
Breaking Bad
Ren & Stimpy
Metalocalypse
Sons of Anarchy
Game of Thrones
Arrested Development
Jersey Shore (I view it as a wildlife documentary)

Music
Metal. And lots of it. Folk metal, viking metal, pirate metal, power metal, black metal, death metal, thrash metal, etc.
I also love classical, opera, classic rock, nerdcore, and hip-hop. There's a handful of country songs that I can stomach, but only a handful.

Food
meat, pasta, hot sauce, chocolate, hummus, a myriad of cheeses, mangos, granola, beer (imperial porters and stouts being my favorite styles)
I'm willing to try the meat of virtually any mammal.
I don't really do seafood or vegetables. I'm aware of how detrimental to my health this is.

art
graphite
a Wacom tablet
the current Adobe Creative Suite
my left hand
stardust

Determinism
Imagery/themes for my sleeves
Where tattooing will take me
Getting into the gallery scene

Most likely I'm sequestered away in my cave making art like some sort of social pariah.

...could cause a universal paradox that would end existence as we know it.

A good chunk of my vocabulary comes from playing Magic: the Gathering.

Gene Belcher is my spirit animal.

When I'm walking the streets at night, I enjoy looking into lit up apartment windows, especially in fancy schmancy neighborhoods.

And like most artists, I'm utter shit at sports.

...I strike your fancy. You consider yourself to be intelligent, enjoy foul humor, are capable of deep conversation, love the visual arts, would like to accompany me to gallery openings to eves-drop on confused patrons, and can tolerate listening to (or better yet enjoy) heavy metal. That about sums it up.

Also, I've never been to an opera before and have been dying to go see The Ring of the Nibelungs at the Metropolitan Opera, but holy shit is it expensive.

I'm kind of a grammar nazi. If you're going to message me, please show some courtesy and use proper grammar, spelling, punctuation, etc.

Do not message me if:
YOUR CAPSLOCK IS BROKEN
yOu TyPe LyKe Di$
You like Kinkade or Kostabi
You find museums/galleries uninteresting/boring
You think you're a special snowflake because you play videogames