Cloven hoofed creatures passed this way.

I like things that make me laugh, and sometimes things that make me cry. Things that make me do both at the same time are ideal.
I'm a pretty neurotic narcissist.
I write comedy when I can get away with it, and poetry when no one is looking.

Depending on whether or not I get my Wheaties in the morning, I am alternately depressed, ebullient, misanthropic, compassionate, malcontented, or serene.

I'm also, as a general rule, full of shit.

Waiting tables.
Hosting parties that inevitably devolve into Janis Joplin sing-a-longs.
Writing the Great American Novel. Of course, I'm writing it for The People of Tomorrow, so it's entirely in Esperanto.

Self-absorbed pontification.

My incredibly pronounced prolapsed rectum.

This is a very small slice of the things I like:

Michael Chabon, E.M. Forster, John Updike, Flannery O'Connor, William Faulkner, Dante Aligheri, William Shakespeare, Fyodor Dostoyevsky, Victor Hugo, Craig Ferguson, Gene Kelley, Dan Harmon, Jean-Pierre Jeunet, Claude Berri, Marx Bros., Charlie Chaplin, Lucille Ball, Peter Sellers, The Beatles, Janis Joplin, The Doors, The Rolling Stones, Led Zeppelin, The Kinks, The Who, Johnny Cash, Bob Dylan, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Muddy Waters, John Lee Hooker, Freddie King, Stephen Fry and Hugh Laurie, Ted Griffin, Joss Whedon, David Simon, Puccini, Dvorak, Moussorgsky, Holst, Verdi, Mozart.

Basically, if it's even vaguely douchey and pretentious, I probably like it.

Pen.
Paper.
Music.
Coffee.
Rainy Sunday mornings at home.
Sunny Sunday afternoon walks

The utterly senseless and indiscriminate majesty of life.
Death.
Art.
Inter-stellar exploration.
Temporal exploration.
Whether or not there is a way to reconcile how much I dislike Roman Polanski with how much I like his movies.
Whether or not major historical figures were as neurotic as I am.

Raging against the dying of the light (and the lack of late-night public toilets in Chicago).

To quote Peter Sellers:

There is no me.
There used to be a me... but I had it surgically removed.

You're okay with the fact that

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r8ZWao0DF1I

makes me tear up every single goddamn time.

As a pantheistic solipsist, I really hope I one day get to visit the parallel universe where Gonzo and Madeline Kahn are married.