1) I do play golf and watch football, despite the fact that, to women, this is tantamount to wearing the same dress to the company Christmas party two years in a row.
2) I use words like “tantamount” in a personal ad.
3) I spend a tremendous amount of time thinking about the history of Snoop Dogg’s catch-suffix “-izzle.” How would Snoop say the word “drizzle?” Would he leave it as it is, or use either “drizzle-izzle” or “drizzizzle?” (Answer in essay form, single-spaced, one side of the paper with a #2 pencil only, please. Eyes on your own paper!)
4) I have never climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro, don't own a motorcycle, don't bike 20 miles a day in my Lance Armstrong racing suit, don't have shirtless mirror pictures of my Saratoga-born-and-raised self flashing gang signs like I grew up in Compton, don't wear Affliction t-shirts and don't have a tattoo on my chest of some random woman wrapped in barbed wire sitting on Chinese symbols that translate into "Chosen One.”
5) I live in Pleasanton. Some of you - especially those of you in San Francisco - seem to believe that Pleasanton is some outpost, accessible only by pack mule, that borders Kentucky, Bangladesh, Siberia and Jupiter. I answer this by saying (a) it's just west of that, (b) amazingly, you only have to cross ONE bridge from SF on a 35-minute drive to get here (SF people: I knowww this concept is a challenge for you. Let it sit with you for a few minutes. It's not that bad). ;-) (c) I’m in all areas all the time: SF for work, San Jose for family / friends / Sharks games, and Sacramento as I roll through on the way to Tahoe every two weeks. I'll make the effort to come to you. ;-)
6) I overuse ellipses and colon-dash-parenthesis smiley faces in emails. I’m currently undergoing punctuation shock therapy to break this horrible habit. One day at a time.
***Now, the catch-worthy good stuff:
1) I have a dog. I know that, for women, the thought of a man caring for and nurturing a cuddly animal is cute, so I thought I would mention it first.
2) I definitely can cook. I don’t know the difference between a basil leaf and a leafblower, but certainly know enough to be dangerous.
3) I scored in the 95th percentile on Nordstrom’s “Male Mall Tolerance Test", proving my willingness to wander aimlessly around a mall while my female companion goes on a 5-hour search for the perfect pair of heels... and buys nothing.
4) I have killed scores of harmless spiders and insects to "protect" others in the past. Have a fear of ants? I keep my pimp hand strong with insects.
5) I DVR the Bachelor. Yes, I said it and own it. "It's the most amazing admission by a guy on OKcupid... EVER!"
6) I’ve been known to bring down the house at karaoke bars, not with songs that would get me on American Idol, but with over-the-top, crowd-pleasing versions of Sweet Caroline, Ice Ice Baby, New York New York, numerous old school rap songs and Biz Markie’s “Just a Friend.”
Friends and family would describe me as a loyal, very confident (but not cocky), genuine, kind, fun-loving, compassionate, intelligent, very athletic and giving. (And yeah, a sports fan: I'm a Sharks/Niners season ticket holder).
So what am I looking for? Someone who is happy, agreeable and is not afraid to give their heart away. Someone who loves to laugh and smiles a lot. We all have a little emotional baggage from old relationships, but please don't show up with four suitcases worth. All in all, I’m most interested in who you are, what you enjoy and what you’re passionate about. Women who are genuine, sincere and have a strong passion for life score major points. Women who are aloof, self-centered, drama queens or Raider fans will not. (Just kidding Raider fans... kind of...) ;-)