OhGodTheInternet
35 Holyoke, MA
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OhGodTheInternet
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My self-summary
UPDATE!!!:
My fiancee and i are getting married in May! Shower us with gifts and praise! Also, brace yourself for the fact that that is basically all i am capable of talking about.

i am in a very, very happy relationship with someone who i believe violates the laws of probability and karma just by existing. for real. like what the hell?

what's weird about writing this is that since I'VE read all the variations on my profile so many times, i feel like you have, too. It makes me want to reference the old profiles as if you would actually know what the hell i'm talking about. i have not decided if i am or am not going to subject you to this.
What I’m doing with my life
enjoying my relationship the way a person who is seeing the ocean for the first time would enjoy sailing.

i have a daughter. she's 10. she's amazing. she is so fucking weird.

I'm a special education high school math teacher. It's the best job i've ever had. It perfectly satisfies my desire for chaos and my pathological need to help anyone with any kind of problem within a five mile radius.
I’m really good at
i've grown increasingly tired of this particular box. remember all the shit i said in my other profiles? yeah. all that. christ.
The first things people usually notice about me
on average, a loud monologue of disconcerting similes, hyperboles, and non sequiturs (okcupid does not believe that is a word) proceeds me and batters everyone in my path. beware.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
there used to be a joke about how there used to be a joke about jesus here. i then encouraged you to think of one of your own and say it loudly into your monitor. afterwards i proclaimed that we had now shared a moment. that part of the profile is gone now.

mind blown? moving on.

whenever i'm asked to list my favorite anythings, i get instant and extreme amnesia. this was all i could find while routing through the soggy cardboard box that is my mind:

books: imajica, the gunslinger series, shrodinger's ball, house of leaves, ways of seeing, takeshi kovach novels.
movies:scott pilgrim vs the world, watchmen, basquiat, what dreams may come, role models, observe and report, in the mouth of madness, 28 days later, brazil
television i steal off the internet: doctor who, dexter, game of thrones, it's always sunny, ru paul's drag race, spaced, mr. show.
music: nine inch nails, radiohead, the magnetic fields, bright eyes, ludo, girl talk, glitch mob, mux mool
food: chocolate milk is the antidote for unhappiness. the end.
The six things I could never do without
i hate when i fall into cliches. everyone mentions their kids here, and i will as well, but immediately after i'm done typing this i'm going to push her to the ground and tell her she's adopted.

so yeah. my daughter. my amazing girlfriend. martial arts for the relaxation and the killing of my many enemies. a job, because too much free time makes me lose my fucking mind. conversation is a must. my insulin pump. cause, you know, wilford brimley.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
this used to say, "how to best navigate my life without everything crumbling, falling apart, or catching on fire." and that shit seemed like it would apply forever. basically the "mom" tattoo of responses, you know?

amazingly, astoundingly, and absurdly, i mostly think about how happy i am. i know. i'm baffled, too. did not see this coming.
On a typical Friday night I am
you know how all those assholes say "i don't have a typical blah blah fuck fuck blah." i am not one of those assholes.

...

i'm one of those assholes. god damn it.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
for as crazy as i may seem, i'm six times crazier.
You should message me if
so my fiancee and i are interested in people To be our aquaintances with benefits. yes. i'm one of Those people. the scandalous exploits of OhGodTheInternet continue. so, i suppose if you're one of those people, too, we could pool our collective shame.

that is the best euphemism for sex i have ever created.
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