So I lost out on developing a relationship with the highest match percentage person I've ever encountered here because a joke I had sent in passing was considered "crude" by the recipient. I now realize that it truly was no great loss, as I would never be comfortable editing myself for the one person with whom I'd have come to trust and love. Let me clarify -- I've always been honest about my social range and how little territory "don't go there" covers for me --  but I do know when to hold back. But the joke, which did not include a single questionable word, was really only suggestive. The wordplay had a seasonal reference. And I can assure you that the whole thing was obscure enough that one had to have a sense of both pop culture and proper spelling. I doubt that a minor would have gotten the joke in the first place. And believe me, it wasn't as explosively sharp as any of Lewis Black's comments on the same topic.

Note: Nortonfan raised a good point. Overtly sexual stuff needs to wait until there's a comfort level. I think I define flirting as "subtle anticipatory suggestions of future frolicking that are NOT EXPLICIT". Flirting is sly, funny, and perhaps best when it is equivocal.

One more time: the woman who took offense had previously said fairly sexual things to me and I thought I was replying cleverly and well within the bounds that SHE had established.

This leads me to an observation. When forming a friendly connection with another person, all limits are assumed to be at their most conservative consistent with what's been said already. So if I've received some comments with an overtly sexual tone, presumably, I am okay with following along within the same boundaries.We don't have non-verbal communications or real-time feedback to stop us in mid-sentence.

I've found that I don't get upset by words at all. I will comment about the strength of language when I know there are non-combatants within earshot. One of my best buddies is  a Mormon priest; I hold back automatically. I've been on the radio, and despite comments to the contrary it never was a free-for-all. Self control is not the issue here. The issue is determining and updating boundaries in an environment where most of the communications is written.

If a line gets crossed, shouldn't there be some thought process on the part of the recipient that includes restating a boundary or even a harsh rebuke, but total withdrawal? I don't even have a way to apologize to this person. Frankly, I feel more grateful than apologetic. At least I now know that the person involved reacts (or in my mind, over-reacts) strongly. I'm more of a forgive-and-understand person.

Incidentally, I am well aware that in the real world, there is no such thing as forgive-and-forget.

So let me ask this: am I not seeing some social rule or unspoken tribal knowledge that defines how freely one should speak? Is it generally regarded as unsafe to be go beyond knock-knock jokes? Is there a sex-based rule that says, "Women can be naughty but men better not think impure thoughts"? Or did I get not-lucky?

And while you're at it, is a person with a willingness to challenge social norms kept on a shorter leash? If a person states that they are willing to challenge authority, for example, does that put you, the reader on alert? Will you be more likely to judge a person harshly or cut them off sooner if they seem less restrained?

Comments?

By the way, I went through my petulant phase and I'll be restoring my profile to its former glory once the new layer of clear-coat dries.

Bueller?

 

This was something that has come up a lot recently, so what the heck, might as well post it up front along with the building and electrical permits.


I hereby certify that I am not:
-creepy
-crazy
-stalker
-married

I certify that I am:

- illegal drug free
- tobacco free
- alcohol free
- no artificial flavorings

OLDPHATMC IS A SIGNATORY TO THE MEN AGAINST INTERNET CREEPINESS COMPACT.

Sincerely
OldPhatMC

Since last Friday I've been trying to buy a new Ford Escape.

Side note: I live two miles from work so it's not a big deal gas-wise, and more importantly I really DO use an SUV for hauling stuff etc etc. And NO I'm NOT compensating for anything - send email if you want proof.

So I went to the big Ford Dealer in Springfield VA. Totally open and straight up, no games on my side. Here's my credit scores, the trade in has about 2K to bury, what can be done? And I only wanted it done through Ford Credit. Otherwise I'd lose $1000 in rebates. If they couldn't approve a deal, fine just tell me.

I just read a press release that Ford sales are down 28 percent. The truck I was looking at had been on their lot since March.

Job makes decent money and is in a stable occupation.

So I should have one person kissing each cheek, right?

No. They lied through their teeth. I applied for credit through Ford credit. The dealer never pulled the application that Ford had. They ran their own credit pulls and had me sign a second application.

I have a voice mail from the "General Sales Manager" that said I was approved for a given monthly payment and specific terms. The word "approved" was used many times. Let me ask my African friends who are on here enough, offering me million dollar payments: what does "approved" mean?

So I visit them on Friday. They need to appraise my trade in. They shove a bunch of papers in front of me; none of them are sales orders or finance contracts. I'm running late for work and it takes two hours on a friday night to get to Fred from Springfield, so I'm very late on Friday.

On Saturday, another round of calls back and forth, the "a" word used a lot.

I go up Sunday to pick up my new truck. Hint: I just renewed the plates on Blue Orchid, so that gives away the punch line.

On Sunday they said they "needed me to fill out another credit application" because they couldn't get at the Ford application that I had completed.

The pulled another credit report on me, in direct violation of my WRITTEN instructions. There was NO approval of my car loan at any time. They go on about how they couldn't approve my terms etc etc.

They simply LIED to me. They had me drive back and forth twice for no reason whatsoever.

I told them at the dealership they were liars and tore up the paperwork. I left the dealership on Sunday very disgusted.

I get a phone call on my way home from the "General Sales Manager". He apologizes for the mix up, adds another $2000 in concessions and such, and tells me that he's worked there for six years and they're good people and this is a big problem and they want to make good.

He gets testicle credit for making the call. I send him one piece of information that he was missing in a fax. He calls me and asks for something else. That gets faxed in. He tells me that he'll have an "answer" from Ford Credit by 5 pm Monday.

Tuesday at 445 pm.. he's gone home. No message, no nothing. I guess I'll get a letter from some third rate auto lender I never heard of that declines me. And I'm good with that.

I wanted very specific preferred customer terms and I had an upside down trade. The only way the deal would have worked was from the $2500 in rebates I had coming. I could easily have gotten Capital One to approve a car loan at double the rate, but even then I'd have had to find a way to cover the equity gap without running the car into a nearby tree.

Automobile lending is much like Dungeons and Dragons: the ever changing rules and requirements are known only to the Dungeon Master/Finance Director. I was thinking that a captive lender, faced with the need to move inventory, might want to really help me help them. HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA! I am such a silly billy.

And if you ever want to enjoy the least competent sales weasels ever (I really expected more from the gay sales tag team from Sunday, but found them to be equally horrid), do check out the big Ford dealership in Springfield. Even if you're not from the area, you really owe it to yourself to have an experience that makes "South of the Border" look like Neiman Marcus.

I know, a big long post and I don't mention getting laid once. What's this world coming to?

OldPhatMC sends.

This makes the third blog/journal that I have set up. I feel like I should be selling coffee from these.

Anyway, this is just a placeholder. A bit of fluff. I promise to get back and do some actual intellectual puffery here. But let me get my patient report done.

Nursing school is going well...still... and I'm absolutely certain that this is the career that I should have been in all along.

To think, work 48 hours a week for a few years and I'll both be able to retire, and have that 21 foot Zodiac I've been craving. Dual engines.

Onward mes amies.

OldPhatMC