Someone had taken my match me test... and I was looking at how others scored... and it wasn't very high... so I decided to take the test myself.

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So… I am in one of those moods… a place I do not like to find myself, but seem to be visiting more frequently. It is frustrating. It seems as though I am torn between two worlds, the world where I am exactly who I want to be and act exactly who I am…. Then the other world, where it seems like I need to change myself to fit it better.

It seems as though the two worlds cannot co exist.

I do not want to this to seem as a poor me statement, because, trust me it is not. It is more about me standing up for who I am as a person and realizing that I do not have to conform.

I am that odd conundrum… that girl that exudes complete self-confidence in the meeting room, the one that can come up with a great idea in a flash, verbally and cerebrally quick. The girl who can jump in and save the day, the outspoken one, and the one that goes above the fray to complete and do what is right. I am the fierce friend that stands up for and to her friends when needed. I am the one that will take the hit and keep on standing my ground for things I believe in. I am the one that will go to dinner and the movies alone and have a blast, I am an individual.

Then there is the part of me that just realized, in this very moment… that I am afraid that if I get into a relationship, that I will lose my individuality. Wow.

No seriously, that is it.

I was going to say that I have this other side of me that… because all shy and nervous, that loses all of my self-confidence at times, especially when dealing with relationships or this personal in nature. Which is all true… but usually I say I have no idea why. My friends have agreed with me, saying that I am typically this lion, but then into this little scared cat at times… for no reason…. I always so I have no idea why. However, now I do. It makes so much sense.

I have this habit of conforming in a relationship… and I do not want to do it again. So instead of testing it, I stay far away from it. Hmm… I guess knowing and really, understanding is half the battle. Nevertheless, how do I fix that?

OK.. Maybe some clairfication is needed from after reading the comments...

1) Not in a relationship and rather happy not to be...
2) I do, do what I want, and go out all the time alone or with friends
3) The issue most people I know point out is.. I am usually too happy to do my own thing out alone... movies, concerts, games, dinner and travel
4) I know relationships aren't a necessity... but maybe not having them to enure I stay me isn't the answer...
5) I guess the thing is... and perhaps I just need to stop listening to friends... but I live a very me, me, me life and I think I need to open up.