Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
This part sucks, as we all know. In general, I believe less is
more. So I will use this section to describe the traits in a woman
that I am seeking. There are only four!
1. Intelligence - You don't have to be a MENSA member but an above
average intelligence is greatly appreciated. If you don't know how
intelligent you are, I may not be the perfect fit for you.
2. Humor - This is one of my coping mechanisms (wine and gin are my
other two) and a woman that has a well developed sense of humor is
very important. If you honestly enjoy my humor you can have your
way with me (actually, even if you pretend to enjoy it)
3. You enjoy kinky sex. The kinkier the better. Bonus points if you
can actually shock me.
4. Chemistry - And this is not a euphemism for looking like a 25
year old supermodel. I am attracted to women of various
ethnicities, different body shapes, hair styles, etc. You get the
point. I have no specific type. So if the first three traits
describe you feel free to contact me.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Working, eating, sleeping, and unproductive dating on internet
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Expressing myself in the most succinct manner possible, especially
when filling out internet dating profiles.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My sense of humor (after the stunning good looks of course...)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Authors David Sedaris and David Rackoff, almost any movie if it was
intelligently made (Memento and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless
Mind would make the cut), any music if it isn't Country, any food
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Coffee, oxygen, sex, water, food, sleep (order is not prioritized)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
I don't really have a lot of time to dwell on any single subject.
Get back to me on this after I retire.
There are a few things I wonder about transiently.
Like why the drive-through ATM machines have Braille on the
And why do so many women on this site insist on stating that they
are living in the moment? If you want to live in the past, the
future, or merely just hallucinate, it is ok with me. Just don't
tell me about the giant bats.
Why so many people have only a basic grasp of the English language.
I stole the following bit from a woman on okc and it speaks
volumes. Use proper English, please. Grammar, punctuation (Let's
eat, grandpa. Let's eat grandpa. Punctuation, it saves lives),
capitalisation (I had to help my uncle Jack off a horse. I had to
help my uncle jack off a horse. Capitalisation, it saves you from
embarrassing moments), spelling and the avoidance of txt spk are
appreciated. This is not to say that I expect a perfectly written
message. People all make mistakes, including me.
If the women on okc aren't living in the moment or generating badly
mangled prose, they are polyamorous....really, can't you just say
you like having multiple partners, or that you enjoy dating
multiple people at the same time? Do you have to dress it up with
"polyamorous" like you are emotionally more evolved than the rest
of the primates around you?
It has become obvious that either I filled out my profile
incorrectly or answered the questions too vaguely because I have a
>90% match with about 50% of the female population of the bay
area. And I know I am not that likeable. Are there really hundreds
of women that are >90% compatible with me? Unlikely. I feel like
I should delete my profile and start over but I am too apathetic.
But apparently there are literally hundreds of women that must find
my apathy attractive. Or at least compatible. So if you are a
terrific woman and you have 89% match with me and wonder why I have
never looked at your profile, it is because I gave up at
Why is it that every time I add something in this area of my
profile, I get fewer positive responses and more hostile responses
from women? Say, this is starting to feel more like normal
dating....maybe my sarcastic side really isn't that appealing...I
feel an epiphany coming on...
Ok, this one should not get me into any more trouble. Why is it
that fuel gauges in cars still don't work right? Why does the
stupid little gauge tell you that you have 1/4 tank of gas left
when you really have about two pints of fuel left? How can it be
that cars can talk to you now but the fuel gauge on the dashboard
is totally worthless?
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
I don't have typical Friday nights. At least I have that going for
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
The only national and world news information I am exposed to I get
from watching the Daily Show. If it doesn't merit being mocked by
the "news team" I probably don't need to know about it. Some might
call this planet apathy. I prefer focused as a better
Also, I read all three "50 shades" books and everything described
there I have done or had done to me (and frankly a lot more). But
the private thing is that I actually read all three books - I have
no explanation for that degree of masochism.
Finally, I have a leather boot fetish. Which means you are allowed
to wear your boots to bed, assuming we get that far through the okc
filtering process. Which also means that SF is my kind of city,
based on percentage of women that wear boots.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
Your six things you can't do without are the same as mine. Or if
you have a sense of humor. Or if you wear leather boots...
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.