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36 Kitchener, Ontario, CA Man


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I’m looking for

  • Everyone
  • Ages 27–60
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My details

Last online
May 19
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body type
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Sagittarius, and it’s fun to think about
Graduated from masters program
Doesn’t have kids, but wants them
Likes cats
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Just to be completely upfront, I'm in a very happy open marriage with Mme_Papillon. My wife and I have given each other complete permission to date other people. But since I'm the more social one (and the one with the higher libido), I tend to be the one actively pursuing dating. Polyamory is our model. But how it is applied is negotiable.

Perhaps that makes it sound like I'm just looking for a booty call. While that can be nice from time to time, I'm much more interested in making mental and emotional connections. I'm looking for friends first and friends with benefits second. I agree with Heinlein: "Sex should be friendly." At the very minimum. What kind of relationship is that, then? I think that's something to be worked out together. Like my username implies, I expect it to be an adventure. :-)

My wife got a job in Ontario, so we just moved here this past August. Since my social connections are what keep me invigorated, I've been using OkCupid to make friends.

Ideally, I'm looking for friends who are geeky like me. Someone who loves fantasy and sci-fi books, movies, and games. But someone who'll help me get out and explore my new stomping grounds. I love to hike, bike, jog, rollerblade, climb, and swing dance. But I don't do any of these things as much as I'd like because I don't like going alone. Want to show me your favorite spots?

My social and political beliefs tend toward the liberal end of the spectrum, but with a heavy dose of practicality and compromise thrown in. I don't mind having friends with differing views, as long as they don't mind discussing them, and not taking disagreement personally. I think I would have a hard time dating someone who is not a systems thinker. If you don't see yourself as part of many larger systems, and you don't consider their impact on you, or your impact on the rest of the world, I have a feeling we would have trouble seeing eye to eye.

To adapt one of Dan Savage's sayings: "every relationship is drama free. Until it isn't." To make any relationship work, there's eventually going to be some negotiation. With romantic relationships, usually more so. And usually renegotiation as drama arises. I'm looking for people who aren't afraid of talking through the drama and building good relationships.

Oh, and I was born and raised in and around New York City. I still get back to that area a couple times a year. Hopefully more now that I'll be living within somewhat reasonable driving distance.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Up until June 2013, I was teaching high school math at an inner city high school in Denver. So far, I'm finding the job market for teachers in the Kitchener-Waterloo area depressingly hard to break into.

My friendships sustain me, so I'm trying to find ways to spend as much time as possible doing the things I love with the people I love.

I've been teaching math at the high school level since 2010. I'm finally getting sufficiently comfortable doing it that most of my days are pretty good instead of hellishly challenging.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
-Getting to the heart of the matter and summing things up.
-Finding the root of someone's confusion and helping them take the next step. Especially in math. Which is handy in my job...
-Getting along with pretty much anybody. Except for my father-in-law. But he would try the patience of a saint.
-Being an ambassador for open relationships. I think they sometimes get a bad rap. I like to talk about them, how to make them work, why they fail, why anyone would bother, etc. I'm happy to talk about it if you want, no strings attached.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Physically, maybe my eyes.

After that, probably how calm and laid back I am. I am at ease in most situations.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Favorite books, in no particular order: The Dresden Files, Harry Potter, A Song of Ice and Fire (you know, that series that spawned A Game of Thrones), John Dies at the End, The Ronin, Sex at Dawn, Opening Up, Nonviolent Communication, The Tipping Point, Collapse, Guns Germs & Steel, Dune (the whole series), the Discworld series, Ender's Game, Hellboy, Stranger in a Strange Land, the list goes on and on. Suffice to say lots of sci-fi and fantasy for fun, with books about sexuality, psychology, and sociology thrown in on occasion.

Favorite movies: Fight Club, Lord of the Rings, The Professional, The Fifth Element, Kill Bill, The Shawshank Redemption, Army of Darkness, The Prestige, American Psycho, Speed Racer, Batman Begins, The Avengers, 300, Koyaanisqatsi, Casino Royale, Cabin in the Woods, The Matrix trilogy (yes, I like all of 'em. In differing amounts and for different reasons). And I enjoy watching bad movies with the right company so we can sit around and mock it, MST3K style.

Favorite shows: Star Trek TNG, Battlestar Galactica, Alias, Sex in the City, Doctor Who, Archer, Futurama, The West Wing, Rome, Dollhouse, Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I usually wait until my friends have all recommended series to me. Then I wait until the series is over and I binge on the whole thing on DVD.

Music: I've been listening to a lot of electronica lately. Boozoo Bajou, Thievery Corporation, Hybrid, Nightmares on Wax, stuff like that. I also enjoy a variety of other artist. Nine Inch Nails, Tom Petty, KT Tunstall, Gnarls Barkley, Beck, Seal, Black Eyed Peas, Missy Elliott, Cherry Poppin' Daddies, Basement Jaxx, Lady Gaga, Fatboy Slim, I'm all over the map. But I'm picky. I don't like music that sucks.

Games! I wanted to include this category because I LOVE playing games. I think you can learn a lot about someone from how they play games. Some favorites: Lords of Waterdeep, Arkham Horror, Shadows Over Camelot, Ace of Spies, Red November, Carcassonne, Ticket to Ride, Pandemic, Zombiecide, Escape, Legendary, Fluxx, Guillotine, Dominion, Once Upon A Time, Loaded Questions, Apples to Apples, Cards Against Humanity, plain old playing cards, Quiddler, Set, GURPS, Fiasco, Pathfinder, roleplaying in general.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
My wife
Geeky friends
Good food
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
-What kind of analysis is OkCupid running behind the scenes? What's the difference between the match percentage and the friend percentage?
-What's the best way to lose the winter coat, those couple of extra pounds around the middle?
-How long will I be a house husband before I find another teaching job?
-What book do I read next?
-When do we eat?
-When's the next opportunity to play more games?
-Where will I get my next kreplit infusion?
-And of course, sex. Mustn't forget sex. ;-)
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Probably getting together with friends to do something geeky. Board games, card games, movie nights. Or maybe watching something at home. The wife and I are slowly working our way through Star Trek The Next Generation. Or swing dancing.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I regularly do yoga. Wearing wrist and waist weights. Usually nude.

I'm probably a 2 on the Kinsey scale.

And here's something that's not private, but doesn't fit in any other box: I like a lot of different kinds of food, but I'm perfectly content to make a big pot of soup on Sunday and eat leftovers all week. Cooking for only myself is not something I particularly enjoy.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.'re looking for a relationship with emotional depth and intimacy without a full-time commitment.'re looking for a friend with benefits.'re looking for someone to round out your game night.'re looking for a swing dancing partner.
...or another player for your table-top roleplaying game.
...or looking to play tour guide to some Ontario newbies.