Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy


32 San Francisco, CA Man


Similar users

I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 26-36
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Online now!
6' 2" (1.88m)
Body Type
Average build
Atheism and laughing about it
Doesn’t have kids and doesn’t want them
English (Fluently), Spanish (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Last to notice those nice girls were strippers.

Also, can't spell. I do my best, I really do, but if I send you a message and I did a "your" or "there" wrong or I spelled ring "wring," I swear I'm not an idiot. Well, not for that.

I'm super into cussing. I think I'm pretty damn lucky, and I think people rarely don't mean well. Oh, and I'm dyslexic and still write a ton, because, maybe there's something wrong with me?
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I really like flipping things in pans when cooking. I like to drink beers at bars and go on walks that people think are too long. I'm big into hiking, but haven't been hiking in like 6 months. (No longer true. Thankyou, Pinnacles National Monument. You were swell.)

I have a 9-5 job that I like and am good at. It's one of those vague things that takes 15 minutes to explain and led to my little sister saying, "wait, so you make puzzles in a basement?" (I don't work with puzzles/basements)

In the past I have: run a cafe, done PR for nonprofits, broken down bookstores, bartended, valeted, bellhopped, been a cowboy, run a greenhouse, managed a Walgreens, gotten fired from a call center which I snuck back into and worked until I got double fired, and been a professional tea server. I don't know how that all happened. Feel free to ask and we'll figure it out.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Making delicious beer and pretty good Thai food. I might make the best chili verde pork you ever did try. If I'm not good at writing, I sure do waste a lot of time trying to be. Noticing hummingbirds. Identifying plants and animals and pointing them out to you on hikes. Calling walking up Nob Hill a hike. I'm terrible at holding hands and word games, but I'm pretty good at demanding we get the hell out of here, even though sometimes we're at home, and then we get confused because there's nowhere really to go.

Sometimes making up stories kinda gets away from me.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
That I'm beating the crap out of them in Hearts or Gin Rummy. Step it up, lady.

Best compliment I've received in a long time - "I thought you were just some white dude!" (result of long conversation about privilege that would either delight or terrify you.)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Oh lord. I don't know how I feel about reducing eachother to Venn Diagrams, but, hell, it's a party.

Books - Man, I mean, this is what I DO. I don't expect you to have the patience to listen to me listing off everything in my bookshelves. You'd hate it. You're very busy and smart. Still, here are some authors, because that's fun: Oe, Mishima, Murakami, Abe. Rushdie, Hemon. Pynchon, Erickson, Delillo, McCarthy, Cheever, Bowles. Hickey, Zizek. I'm also super into Achewood, xkcd, Scary Go Round and Overcompensating. I think my sense of humor is pretty much

Movies - I don't really watch movies? But I like Lynch, PT Anderson, documentaries. Bubba Ho-Tep is pretty incredible. So is Brick.
TV - Nothing surprising here. Arrested Development, Twin Peaks, The Wire, Mr. Show, Daily Show, Archer, Bob's Burgers. The Venture Bros are awesome. I just finished watching Avatar the Last Airbender, and it was excellent.

Music - I dig Angels of Light, indie crap, Dose One, old country music, and then a whole hell of a lot of instrumental shit to write to. I used to write for a music magazine, so I know a weird amount about music.

Food - If it's there, I'll eat it. If it's Thai or Indian I'll eat even more of it. I don't think I've paid for Italian food that wasn't pizza since I tried to impress girls at high school dances.

There are a lot of very grim conversations in my family about what we'd do if the doctor told us we'd have to give up coffee or alcohol and just pick one. We'd have a very hard time. My family's relationship to coffee was pretty much written for Twin Peaks.

Video Games - That's right, I fucking said it. I like to play smart and fun video games that make me rethink narratology or 'splode some alien jerks. I am way too busy to be embarrassed about owning a Super Nintendo and a PS3, so suck it media racists.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I hate this question more than accidentally eating the foil on a burrito.

Also - music, my sisters, books. Movement's important. I like rain. Ibuprofen's pretty neat, and so is coffee.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Honestly? Probably about the novel I'm writing. That is some pugnacious shit, to just up and say that you're doing something like that, but seriously, it takes up probably 75% of my brain.

Also, how the hell can I go hiking when none of my friends have cars. Is there a wilderness shuttle or something that no one tells me about? I kind of always want to be hiking.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Oh man, I don't know. Isn't this a little early in the relationship to know what I'm always up to? I'm just saying, let there be some mystery so you're really shocked when I tell you, six months from now, that on a typical Friday night I'm usually out with friends or coworkers, carousing the city or walking for hours or forcing people into my apartment to eat my food.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Nothing private about me, so here's some stories:

I had the bottom half of my big toe ripped off by my sister while we were searching for my mom. And a wife murderer bled on my jacket with his broken hands after getting into an accident in the salt flats where he was going to bury his wife. I once ate a microwaved hotdog wrapped in a cold tortilla filled with French's mustard when I was living alone and didn't realize that I'd just acted like I'd gone through a divorce. I can sometimes totally panic if a bee gets too close to me and would think driving into a brick wall might be a good solution, because I am dumb.

Also, have some dealbreakers! You like those, right? 1) I'm an introvert. I'll have an crazy fun time screaming karaoke with your friends, but I sometimes need to just chill solo. 2) Not a fan of babies. I know, they're crazy little animal brains that talk, but I'm not looking to have any. 3) I'm super independent and will often just go do shit by myself. Some people don't like that.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
I've gone on enough dates from here to know that profiles and chatting isn't super useful for getting to know someone - you should totally message me if you want to meet up!

Lady, if you like Achewood or Louis CK, we'll be friends at a MINIMUM. We might become Friends+ (no promises. I'm a fragile petunia)

If you like Shellac, but also like deodorant.

You're okay with the fact that my beard fluctuates and I don't really get how hair works.

I need more hiking friends and more friends who will discuss the polemics of gender discourse and yell about whether digital replication of art renders the cult of the author moot. Even if you don't want make me kiss you beside a waterfall, you should ask me to go on hikes/book talks with you.