28 Boston, MA
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My self-summary
I don't run Spartan races, climb mountains, or go deep sea diving on the reg. Just sayin'.

Rick and Morty and Chill.

What I’m doing with my life
Professional dog groomer. I'm the only one in my part of Boston (somehow), and enjoying being my own boss. Also, owner of two dogs. I'd guess this is a "must be okay with dogs" situation.
I’m really good at
Using sharp pointy objects with live animals without being mauled.

Applying eyeliner.

Impulse decisions. It's not really a bad thing - it usually results in buying really good (expensive) tickets to shows.
The first things people usually notice about me
On a date, a guy told me I sound a lot like Marc Maron with a vagina. I take this as a compliment. BAM!

My hair color changes a lot.

I have awesome eyebrows. For real. They are legendary.

I will probably be the most monotone person you will ever meet. This is often misunderstood; I am incredibly fucking dry and you should find it adorable. Most people think I hate them when I first meet them, then we end up being good friends or dating.

I get messages on here calling me a cunt every once in a while. Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion man.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
The Art of Getting Over, Pale Fire, Borges, Hunter S. Thompson, Italo Calvino, Infinite Jest, Steve Almond, Disco Bloodbath, Candyfreak, Burroughs, Richard Brautigan, Brave New World, TiHKAL, PiHKAL, Cosmicomics, Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail '72, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, My Life in Heavy Metal: Stories, Noam Chomsky, Nabokov

Movies: Style Wars, 200 Motels, The Room, From Dusk Till Dawn, Message from Space, Blue Velvet, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Trainspotting, Dr. Strange Love, How to Draw a Bunny, King of Kong, Wildstyle, I Heart Huckabees, Gran Torino, Party Monster, Bomb It, SLC Punk, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, The Big Lebowski, This is England, Boogie Nights

Nada Surf, Bowie, St. Etienne, Panda Bear, Faith No More, Dio, Mogwai, Cibo Matto, Radiohead, Pet Shop Boys, Morrissey, Trentemøller, The Like, OutKast, Kanye West, Amy Winehouse, The Beach Boys, Brian Wilson, the bird and the bee, PIXIES, Love, Gnarls Barkley, Ghostface Killah, Mike Patton, Mr. Bungle, The Turtles, The New Pornographers, Harry Nilsson, Fever Tree, Animal Collective, Super Furry Animals, Brian Eno, Shpongle, Common, Blur, Goldfrapp, Blondie, George Harrison, The Flaming Lips, Thenewno2, Infected Mushroom, Electric Six, Lightning Bolt, The Smiths, Sleep, 13th Floor Elevators, Captain Beefheart, Wutang, Anal Cunt, The Beatles, Janelle Monae, Billy Nichols, Lady Gaga, Sleigh Bells, Iron Maiden, Slayer, Throwing Muses, Boards Of Canada, Autechre, The Action, Os Mutantes, The Brian Jonestown Massacre, Electric Prunes, The Damned, New Order, Eels, Santigold,bBeach House, Sia, The Real Kids, Marina and the Diamonds, Rocky Erickson, Spoon, Cramps, De La Soul, The Zombies

Raw Oysters , Phở Dac Biet, Banh Mi, Xiaolongbao, Beef Tongue/Tripe/Marrow, Collard Greens, Hot Sauce, saag paneer, birth control pills, Duck Confit, Mahi Mahi, stroke educing Eggs Benedict.

Shameless, Skins UK, Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job!, The Young Ones, Inbetweeners UK, Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Tom Goes to Mayor, Arrested Development, Peep Show, Eastbound and Down, Clone High, Glee, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Black Books, Six Feet Under, Conan, Rescue Me, The Ricky Gervais Show, Mr. Show, Regular Show, An Idiot Abroad, Portlandia, Kids in the Hall, Rick and Morty, Maron

Podcasts: The Nerdist, Comedy Bang! Bang!, The Bugle, WTF with Marc Maron, The Ricky Gervais Podcast, How Did This Get Made?
The six things I could never do without
seltzer, my dogs, eyeliner, Carl Sagan, sharp shears, Lush products
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Has anyone met on Tinder that is now married? How many people are going to have to explain to their future child at some point that they are a Tinder or a "Netflix and Chill" baby?

Why so many guys list some variation of "living", or "living the life" in their self summary/what I'm doing with my life section. Congrats on that. Yes, you are alive. Also, is rock climbing really that common enough of a regular activity or are you just posting a picture from the exactly one time you did it so you could list that in your profile?

Why so many people say "I like everything except rap and country". Is there a substantial subgroup of people that exclusively only listen to Country and Rap?

I don't know why so many dudes list themselves as "Undeclared" on this website; who the fuck do you think you are? Vin Diesel?

Number stations.

I'm wary when I see people's favorite book list, and it's limited to selections from Freshmen-Senior high year high school AP English required reading.

Soviet Space Dogs.


You know Kel, formally of "Keenan and Kel", hosts orange soda parties in NYC? I'm serious.
On a typical Friday night I am
If I'm being responsible, I should be in bed. Sunday and Monday are my weekends.

I can be persuaded.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
My 7th grade Sex-Ed told me I "had child bearing hips" in front of the entire class.

I'm not as much of a misanthrope as this profile would lead you to believe.

I have a crush on Stephen Merchant, and I'd love to have his tall babies. I also wanna bang Bill Hader and Jason Schwartzman, so I don't tend to be attracted to conventional looking men apparently. I had a wet dream about Jay Baruchel recently; that was weird.

I have sleep paralysis on a somewhat regular basis. No, I do not have narcolepsy. As a child, I've been told that I had night terrors. Maybe I am secretly H.R. Giger.

It's a tough fit.

I have terrible vision. I wear contacts for long stretches of time without taking them out. My eyeballs are probably going to fall out.

I slipped in beer at The Middle East, while holding a tall boy of Coors, got beer in my hair, and immediately went to the bathroom to use the hand dryer to blow dry my hair.

I'm terrified of sunflowers.

I guess there are a lot of things I'm willing to admit.
You should message me if
You aren't from around here.

You are a British ex-pat.

You aren't a spaz.

NINTENDO PRO TIPS: Be over your last ex. I don't give a shit about your ex.

I wouldn't be opposed to fucking while I was on the rag, as long as Slayer's "Reign in Blood" was blasting in the background.

I'm joking. I think. I don't know anymore honestly.