Here's the rest of my profile, since some people liked reading it:
...So instead of even trying to grab your attention through witty self-deprecating jabs at myself (as opposed to self-deprecating jabs at other people?), I will command your attention by writing a lot. I've noticed I like the tests with longer intro pages, and that philosophy should transfer well to self-summaries, no? Speaking of self-summaries and noticings, I've noticed many things about self-summaries, and would like to share these thoughts with you. Lists in self-summaries are quite popular, and with good reason: they're super-easy to write. Like, my goodness. It's almost unfair. I want to write one. Here I go!:
Things I love: The Mariners. Cake. Running. Tony Hawk's Pro Skater 2 for PC. The Gonzaga Bulldogs. Warm donuts. Playing football, basketball, baseball, frisbee, hockey, lacrosse, rugby, softball, kickball, wallball, handball, racquetball, volleyball, and chess. Deriving polynomials. Beef, pork, chicken, duck, sausage, bacon, and ham. Pearls Before Swine, Dilbert, and Calvin & Hobbes. Director's Commentaries. PASSION. The joke about circus sex. Sleeping. Quirks. Scrubs. Gilmore Girls. Dead Like Me. Wonderfalls. This American Life. Homestar Runner. The color green. Bubble-gum pop punk music. John Motherf***ing Cusack. The Animaniacs. Breakfast. Board games. Headphones. YOU.
Well! That was fun! See how easy lists are? And I didn't even cheat and repeat on the things I love most. But that "YOU" thing was definitely just padding. OK, so now I have 2 self-summaries. There's a few more aspects of my schizophrenia (read: social commentaries on self-summaries) I'd like to share. First (third?), there's the disclaimer that some females feel they need to append to the top of their page--the "I have fifty-four messages in my inbox from guys: -asking for sex! -telling me they're well hung! -getting mad at me for not responding within a week!" I receive about one piece of mail per week, and thusly do not need to make this disclaimer. Secondly, which is really fourthly or perhaps morely, there are many people who comment on the fact that OK Cupid wants them to write more than 100 words about themselves. I like when they copy and paste a sentence expressing their displeasure with that about ten times. (That last sentence sounded sarcastic, but it really wasn't.) (That last parenthetical sounded like I was being facetious about my sarcasm, but, no, I really do find the copy+paste thing to be a tad cute.) As for things that do bother me in the below fields, let's go down the line, shall we? In "I'm really good at:, I am disappointed with people who say "sex" or "head", but am even more disappointed with the people that say, "first of all, guys, don't say you're good at sex. You're not." I don't know why that bothers me, but I also don't know why the Earth spins on its axis, so, hey, whatever. Next: "The first thing(s) people usually notice about me: Good answer: something true immediately preceded by something not true (example: "My wooden leg. Just kidding; they notice my Jewish nose and the streak of blonde in my dark hair.") Bad answer: "I don't know." Next! "My favorite...: You really can't screw this one up. "The SIX things I could never do without: (a)There's a reason SIX is capitalized. (b) Really? You need air? Are you free this Saturday? "I spend a lot of time thinking about: Just don't comment on the fact that this used to be a different question, and you're a cool cat in my book. "The most private thing I'm willing to admit here is: OK, this is pretty much the reason I started this ramblin' about responses. Read the damn question. The MOST private thing you're WILLING to admit here. If you answer that you won't admit it because it's too private, I will frown. And if you suggest that we're trying to trick you into giving something away, I will frown TWICE. If the most private thing you are willing to admit is that you know your times tables (on EVERY number, one through TEN!), say so. I just may smile. FINALLY (on the subject of responses), my answer to "You should message me if: used to be, "Your answer to this question isn't 'you want to'." Learn it. Live it. Be original.
Well! Now you know nothing about me. Here's a couple of things I believe, that no one really agrees with me on: (a)I believe married couples should shower together. Isn't that weird? I don't know why I am such a big fan of this, but it seems like it should be the standard. You're married, you sleep together eat together and shower together. It's a rule. (b)I think I'm super-shallow. Is it so bad that I like girls to be good looking? If I based my preferences solely on brains--if I said "I can't go out with her; she's too stupid"--not many people would care. But if I said "I can't go out with her; she's ugly" everyone would say I'm a terrible person. I can't figure it out. I'm sure there's a good reason why this is such a bad thing, so if anyone knows the answer, please tell me.
I would really much rather be playing miniature golf right now, but listening to music very loudly through headphones ain't bad either.
You want more? OK, here's some other stuff about me. I wear jeans and a T-shirt every day. They're just so comfortable. I have khakis that I'll wear on very special occasions, but I won't enjoy it. I also don't like long sleeves. I can't do anything in long sleeves. It's for that reason that I won't wear a jacket until it gets below about 25�. I'm actually quite picky about my clothes, now that I think about it. I rarely wear shorts unless I'm running or playing another sport. I think it's because my mother would buy me short shorts for running when I was in elementary school. Everyone else had shorts that went down to the knees, and I had shorts that went down to the briefs. That's traumatic. I should be on Oprah.I read this girl's profile and she had some of her favorite quotes on there, and I thought that was a wonderful idea, so I'm going to put my favorite quote here:
"It is simply that we can all be good boys and wear our letter sweaters around and get our little degrees and find some nice girl to settle, you know, down with...Or we can blaze! Become legends in our own time, strike fear in the heart of mediocre talent everywhere! We can scald dogs, put records out of reach! Make the stands gasp as we blow into an unearthly kick from three hundred yards out! We can become God's own messengers delivering the dreaded scrolls! We can race black Satan himself till he wheezes fiery cinders down the back straightaway...They'll speak our names in hushed tones, 'those guys are animals' they'll say! We can lay it on the line, bust a gut, show them a clean pair of heels. We can sprint the turn on a spring breeze and feel the winter leave our feet! We can, by God, let our demons loose and just wail on!" -Quenton Cassidy, fictional miler, in Once a Runner by John L. Parker, Jr.Isn't that awexome?
I am fast, laconic, and hungry