Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy


54 Paradise, CA Man


You might like

I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 39–59
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends

My details

Last online
May 2
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body type
Other, and somewhat serious about it
Leo, and it’s fun to think about
Working on Ph.D program
Rather not say
Has kids
Has cats
English (Fluently), French (Poorly), Italian (Poorly), Portuguese (Poorly), Spanish (Poorly)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
"We're born naked. All the rest is drag." - Attributed variously to Patti Smith and Ru Paul

"We are the Otters of the universe."- Richard Bach

"Straights only marriage is like whites only water fountains." - me

"The universe is not made of molecules; it is made of stories." - attributed to the Talmud

"I've never seen you be a douche." -- a real life friend of mine

"Fiery blue eyes and a 'fuck-yeah, let's do it' attitude."

More so than many, I am difficult to summarize. I'm not just a "mechanic who likes to fly fish and watch hockey" or a "scuba-diving transsexual who wants to try haggis and and likes to grow aspidistras." I'm actually none of those things, although scuba diving has always attracted me; I'm more like to date a mechanic than to be one, although I can hold forth extemporaneously on the societal impact of the internal combustion engine.

I grew up on a carnival (really), traveled the world in a tin can full of stinky dudes (it was, however, the USS Enterprise, the sheer geekery which sustained me through much of the squalid oppression and is still worthy of a -- manly -- "squeeee").

I read a lot, ponder a lot, write a lot (compared to most folk), helped build the Internet (me and Al Gore... again, though, "really"), and am currently working towards a PhD (probably subaquatic alveus-texendis by the time I'm actually admitted - and yes, I probably have the grammar incorrect.) Ostensibly something in the realm of Depth Psychology and Archetypal Mythology. In the past few years I've produced a Shakespeare festival, founded a sustainability-themed charter public high school (makes the farmer's market I'm currently working to found now seem a little dinky), taken my daughter to her first day of high school. I also lead dream circles, work in tangible ways (and, perhaps, some not so tangible) to heal the Earth and our human relationship with it. For fun and profit, I coach women going back to work after an extended absence (like from being at home with their children) on how to get their professional mojo back. I only do this on a small scale, and only with a formal agreement in place -- I won't try to randomly coach someone I meet. It takes up too much space in my brain!)

As you can see, my life can quite full although I hate the word "busy" and how it's crept in the American vocabulary as a synonym for "engaged full-time in socially sanctioned activities in the pursuit of status or money." My own strategies regarding status or money are quite eccentric, contrarian, and episodic -- ramen today, sashimi and lobster when the grant checks arrive or I am able to pull a magic money-bunny out of a hat. Having climbed to a six-figure income in two different industries, I appreciate having the scratch to eat out, travel, attend theatre or ballet or monster truck rally (only five of these are true) anytime I want to. Having mortgaged so many years of my life doing what it took to make a six-figure income in two different industries, I have taken a sacred vow to never make the pursuit of mean dollar green a top-ten priority ever again. This makes me much more creative about how to fund something and much more likely to be happy. I am supremely wealthy in all that truly matters to me -- kids, cats, books, music, laughter, shoestring travel, pursuing an education from which I hope to leave a better world behind me when I go, and the awesome people I get to hang out with in real life and on sites like OkC (the latter ideally leading to more awesome people to hang out with IRL).

Costumes: Consistent with the above, my wardrobe is on the simple side. I literally gave away Armani when I left the corporate world behind. I still know how to "dress up" for almost any occasion, however (I did not give away my black-tie dinner jacket, although it seems to have shrunk in the past ten years or so. Dratted selective moths!). Where I mostly live, weather is an issue. It's oppressively hot 6-7 months of the year. We dress accordingly. This means that sometimes I get in the car dressed -- shorts, flip-flops, tshirt or, for dress-up, a Tommy Bahama knock-off -- for 105 degree central valley weather and pop out in Berkeley looking a little underdressed and shivery, at least until I pop in the back seat and do a surfer-style quick-change into, perhaps, denim and a flannel or even more elegant attire -- if, say, Oliveto's had an open reservation -- or tie-dyes or a 3 piece or ... well, you get the idea. I'm a Theatre major. I can do costume. Which is the _real_ me? Silly gosling, my rags may offer but little clue.

Chronometers. I don't wear (or own) one. If someone gave me a Rolodex or a Philipe Patek or a Tag HeuerI would sell it and buy books and bon-bons. (Exception may be made for scuba-diving, should that ever come to pass.) $100 large to know what time it is (or to impress others with the fact that I can flush $100 large to buy a watch) is part of a world I chose to leave behind. (Besides, asking a stranger what time it is is a quaint and quirky old-fashioned way to connect.)

Coaches. My automobile is humble and I chose if for reasons of thrift and function. It will haul 6 kids, a dozen theatre flats or large bucket of costumes. I can take a seat or two out and camp in it. A trip to by bulk groceries or a cubic yard of soil plus garden bed lumber is easy and does not require me to rent a truck. There are ample cup holders front and rear and the stereo is adequate, if sometimes notional to the point of cantankerous-ness. It does not travel through time, fly, or go underwater. Neither did that Rover I usta kinda want. Mine is hella cheaper, though and I'd be a lot less likely to regret it if one day I painted a mural on the side and, just in case drive-in theaters come back in vogue, way more congenial for smooching. If you would prefer that, however, we can take your car, meet someplace, or even rent a vehicle if we want to go someplace where appearance of function matter. If you would hope that someday I would buy a "nicer" one, however, I cannot promise that I will ever fulfill that particular hope. Give me some others to which I may aspire, however, as delighting the people I date, at least once in a while, is a very important activity. One last note, related to automobiles -- I know a lot of short-cuts or back ways around the Bay Area. Most of them take a little longer, even during the rush hour they are designed to avoid. I consider this a solid plus, as I get to see things other than the back window of that same car in front of me. I am almost 100% intractable about avoiding certain Bay Area roads and sticking to my routes of choice or, together, discovering new ones. Examples: I never (ever) drive on 80 between the Maze and, say, San Pablo Dam Road, if the sun is shining. Really.

On another note about locale: I "live" in the Sierra Foothills two hours north of Sacramento. I spend a lot of time in the greater Bay Area and on the road in between. If that alone puts you off, then only write to me if you want to be long-distance friends or something. Since I may have driven 3 hours to meet you, I won't make plans to do so unless or until I feel like we have the possibility of something or unless its just a fun, possibly one-off, date to the opera or theatre or film or ballet or exhibition opening or offbeat show in a club. I will mostly ask, therefore, that you at least be willing to meet me in the East Bay at some clean, well-lighted place of mutual convenience. If you're one of those SF folks who only ever cross the bridge to go skiing, either you're interested enough in me to meet in Oakland or Berkeley or Walnut Creek, or let's not waste each other's time and gas. Naturally, folks who are even more mobile than that, at least once we are acquainted, are most appreciated.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I recently got a BA in Theatre Arts at the local .edu. That was a lot of hard work and a lot of fun! (In the last few years, I've done R&J, As You Like It, Sly Fox, Learned Ladies, A Doll's House, Scapino, and numerous other shows...yes, I do have a "thing" for Shakespeare and Moliere.) Due to circumstances when I was young, I never got to finish my original college, so it is fun to have finally graduated at the age of 51.

Now I'm enjoying graduate school. Consciousness and Transformative Studies, Dreamwork Emphasis, with a certificate in EcoTherapy. I'm still very active in Theatre and, this past school year, taught Children's Theatre at Waldorf K-8 (Romeo and Juliet with the two families as Goths and Jocks). I try to keep most of my Drama onstage, but occasionally get pulled in to having to stand up for what I love and believe in and sometimes that can get a little dramatic, for example, I was in the paper four times one week last fall. (Quite an increase from my usual 2-3 times per year.) One of the things I believe in strongly is education reform (not the pseudo kind with more and more standardized tests, but the kind that nurtures the unique gifts inherent in every human being). I am a cofounder of a sustainability-themed charter high school. It's amazing the love and support we've gotten from our community, students, and friends. (It's also amazing how many wacko's have come out of the woodwork to try to shoot us down.). While I usually play the role of Visionary, Peacemaker, Community builder, and all around Positive influence, I do end up sometimes being the go-to badass when it comes to a rumble (don't worry, I use my words! Haven't had to bump anybody off in a long time!) I'm not afraid to make hard decisions, so sometimes leave the easy ones to someone else (like Thai tonight, or Chinese?). I have a really easygoing, go with the flow side and, on occasion (like Chairing a Board -- I'm on two right now-- or directing/producing a show) a strong Alpha/dom side. In my heart of hearts, these are all true, but situational, and my favorite relationships are those who know me and respect me as both/all/either/neither. (One could think of me as a "switch", to borrow the BDSM term.)

I'm also helping to raise two fine kidlets, biologically mine, and their mother and I live together in Peace and Love. No baby-mama drama here. We talk about everything (including YOU, at least if you choose to come into my life in whatever capacity :-) and she will be happy to confirm this to anyone I meet with whom a mutual desire to date is present. We don't date together and are not looking for a "hot bi babe" for a threesome, though we do socialize very freely and amicably with each other's other significant others (or play friends or platonic friends). I love to talk about poly, so, if you're curious, even if you'd rather kiss a cobra than date a married man, you're welcome to chat me up!)
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
The fact that my backpack has jets.
My nautical themed pashmina afghan.
Feeding you straight lines.
Picking up on straight lines that other people feed me (intentionally or not).
Looking at things from many different angles (some of them quite whimsical, offbeat, or even macabre).
Reading between the lines.
Psyching myself up.
Keeping a conversation going over time.
Remembering "useless" bits of trivia. (Like who is Skunk Baxter or what happened in Vienna in 1689)
Forgetting "important" bits of information (like what I went to the store for).
Standing up for what I believe in (this seems to be increasing the older I get).
Listening until I hear what people are really saying.
Attracting cats (you cat people know what I mean).
Acting (theatre) and directing, including chidren's puppet theatre.
Being nurturing (sometimes), being a right bastard others (only when called for).
Dreaming, both in terms of aspirations and the when-I'm-asleep kind.
Seeing possibilities and creating realities-I'm not always willing to settle for what life dishes out.
[May 2012] Been getting lots of grad-school feedback about being a really good writer. (That or, ironically, picky feedback about grammar/spelling minutia...I write, and read, for content,...not so much me with the arbitrary rules...)
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My sense of humor. How many books I have. How many cats I have. My long hair (past my shoulders). My luxurious beard- grew it for a play and just kept it on-shave it occasionally for other plays. My pimpin' ride- just kidding, I drive a mini-van...really, if a car doesn't fly, go under water, or travel through time, how bad-ass can it really be? My je ne sais quoi and savoir-faire.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I am a real bookworm and read constantly -- mostly fantasy and scifi, detective books, spy fiction, plus scripts and stuff in my fields of study: consciousness, dream work, kitchen table anthropology, mystical spiritualism, hard science - no conflict between Evolution and Intelligent Design on my planet, YMMV- ecology and Gaia studies, history, Internet culture, psychology, psychedelia, sustainability, epistemology, ontology, world religions...

LOTR is my all time favorite. Shakespeare is god. Heinlein warped me as a child (and I forgive can forgive his well-intended libertariansim...who knew just how badly _that_ would work out?) Other fiction: DeLint, Bujold, Coelho, le Guin, Wodehouse, (Guy Gavriel) Kay, Borges, Allende, Lescroart, Turow, and far too many trashy thrillers or mysteries. Non-fiction: Ram Dass, Timothy Leary, Suzuki-roshen, Alan Watts, Jeremy Taylor, Terrence McKenna, Fritjof Capra, Pinker, Dawkins (although I find him to be a right ass where his rabid god-hating is concerned), Hunter Thompson, Feynman, Blackmore, Asimov, Eliade, Bateson, Mead, Benedict (see what I did there?).


A Doll's House, any Pinter/Shakespeare/Moliere, Stoppard, Schafer, Ionesco, Brecht (if I'm in an alienatin' kind of mood), anything that Julie Taymor touches, some musicals...oh, did the question mean _TV_?

Buffy (or any Joss, really), ST:TNG/DS9, JJ Abrams, Aaron Sorkin, detective or weird shows. Lately: Being Human (UK), the Doctor, the Guild (Felicia Day is my queen), GCB, the Event, Flash Forward, Endgame, Grimm. Always: classic comedy like Lucy, George and Gracie, Red, the Great One, Groucho, et al. I will admit to a wide range of comedic interests, from Jackass to Jane Austen, and very little space for cultural or literary sacred cows (unless you are actually Hindu, in which case "namaste").

I do watch a lot of movies -- all kinds of stuff. Most recently watched "Midnight in Paris" by Woody Allen. Joss, JJ, M.Night, Kevin Smith, Ridley Scott, John Wu, Ang Lee, Miyazaki-san, Hitchcock, Peter Jackson. Action, sci-fi, documentary, mockumentary, period pieces, drama, chick flicks ("27 Dresses" a perennial fave). "Blade Runner", "Star Wars". My anime collection is a little out of date, but I still <3 the genre.

Music is very important to me. I listen to a lot of classic rock cuz that's what's on the radio, am a big fan of the Grateful Dead. (Important to say that I'm WAY into psychedelia and jam bands in general.) I like most genres, though I don't listen to a lot of Opera). Psychedelic Ambient has been big for me lately (Sphongle, Hallucinogen). Quirky, brainy music like TMBG, Cake, =W=. Just turned on to LMFAO, which I know is a flavor of the week, but still...haven't seen a band this FUN in a long time (also a big fan of Ok Go...genius videos!). Just turned on to Nerdcore (MC Frontalot, MC Chris). I don't listen to a lot of modern country but like old school country like Hank, Sr. or the Brother Where Art Thou soundtrack. Celtica of any kind (Tempest, Wicked Tinkers). Not a rap hater, but don't need to hear about "bitches, hoes, or how big the singer's johnson supposedly is (except for Joe C on the Kid Rock album...R.I.P. Joe C...)"...still love Run-D.M.C. (cover of "Walk This Way" with Aerosmith in the video). I've kicked it at DJ Qbert's (awesome collection of robot action figures). Love to dance any old way. When I'm too old to shake my ass on the dance floor, it's time to kill me. Jazz, blues, electronica, folk, filk, world, salsa, samba, reggae, ska, reggeton, norteno, (almost) any form of Electronica, truly "alternative" bands like Boiled in Lead or Polkacide.

Food is a source of great pleasure to me and I love ethnic cuisine of all types. (My little town just got a sushi chef so I've been chronic on the sashimi lately!) Chocolate! Thai, Pho, mole, scallops, waffles, croissants, tandoori I am not a vegan/vegetarian, but totally vegan friendly and willingly forgo carne in the presence of a dear one (as long as you don't rat me out for showing up with hamburger breath ...anyway, all my vegan friends at school mostly lived on PopTarts and Oreos :-)
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Sense of humor
Chocolate croissants
The big mama (ocean)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
The meaning of life and how to make mine make a difference.

Whether we'll ever go to war over the "Oxford comma"

Whether we'll come to our senses about the environment.

Where did the squirrel get the scuba gear and why did the mariner shoot the albatross.

My dreams, both in terms of aspirations and where I went when I was asleep (very vivid dreamer!)

What will my kids be like when they grow up (and what will the world be like for them)?

How to be a better friend, lover, parent, partner, activist, artist, boss/collaborator.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
"Partyin' partyin' yeah!" - Rebecca Black!

Okay, but really...

At rehearsal. At a show that my friends are in. Sometimes out dancing with my friends. Waiting backstage to go on (but having somebody waiting to go out with me for afters is fun!). Listening to old vinyl records with my kids (my parental duties include educating them on music, comedy, theatre/film, myth, and history).
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Right now the fact that I'm in a non-monogamous marriage seems like a big deal to admit.
I'm not really secretive (I actually only have one official secret), I do have layers like an ogre/parfait/onion/pousse cafe, and I don't promise you can get to all of them right away.
Sometimes, as a test, I wait to see if someone is interested enough to ask me good questions or pick up a hint I have left on the table. I make it a point to try to never invest more in someone than they invest in me, regardless of how attractive I may find them. Saves time and trouble further downstream.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You're willing to consider some form of relationship (even just friends) with a married man.

You know the difference between you/y'uns/youse/y'all/all y'all and only ever use them properly (seriously, if you're a your/you're/yore or their/they're/there fanatic, I will mock you!)

You'd rather tame dragons than have me slay them for you.

You are a work in progress.

You can see below the surface (even when the surface is shimmery).