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30 Chicago, IL Woman


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I’m looking for

  • Men
  • Ages 26-40
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Mar 4
5' 6" (1.68m)
Body Type
Agnosticism and laughing about it
Doesn’t have kids
Has cats
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
When I was 19 I wore roller skates for an entire month without taking them off except to shower. That same year I bought a pogo stick and hopped 17 blocks without falling. I used to make Wanted signs for the Hamburglar and hang them all over my college campus. I once fancily jumped over a box trying to impress a guy waiting for the bus, but ended up tripping and getting a box stuck to my foot. My favorite smell is that of a woodshop. Horses are cool.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
At the moment I am employed as an art handler. What is an art handler you may ask? Well by golly let me explain! I basically install and pack insanely expensive artworks for snooty rich people that can't do a single thing for themselves. It is pretty grueling and physical work, but I do get to see some out of control art collections and hang out in some swanky pads. I am proud to say I am one of two girls at the company I work for and that I have my CDL truckers license! My life goal is to move up from art handler to art fondler...or better yet artist fondler. That or professional prancer.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Terrible jokes and then laughing way too hard at them. Prancing. Drawing horses. Baton twirling.

A new skill I have mastered is cutting clementines so that the peel looks like a dick.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My freakishly muscular calves, which I like to refer to as my money makers. If you can manage to take your eyes away from my magical calves then you will probably notice my insane laugh or yellow eyeballs.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Authors: Everything by Cormac McCarthy (He is basically a literary god to me.), Oliver Sacks, Faulkner, Marquez, McEwan, David and Amy Sedaris, Eggers....

I also read a lot of books about the brain...if you want to blow your mind wide open read Phantoms in the Brain by neurologist V.S. Ramachandran.

Shows: Arrested Development, Mr. Show, Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!, Tom Goes to The Mayor, Parks and Rec, Deadwood, Breaking Bad, DeLocated, This American Life, Nature documentaries!!!

Movies...too many. much but always Jeff Mangum, Will Oldham, Tommy Waits, and for some reason a lot of Calexico lately.

Comedians: David Cross....David Cross...David Cross
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
It will come out at some point so I am just going to say it....
1. My cat.
2. Buttercream Frosting
3. Knee high socks (even though they cover the money makers)
4. Roller skates
5. My precious bike that takes me everywhere I go.
6. My BFF Mary.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Cats in bow ties...hamsters in top hats...chinchillas in business casual.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I once found a lucky charms marshmallow in my bra....and ate it.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You are into new boot goofin' or spoofin'.