My life is all about progress. Always going forward. Always making annual surplus. I wonder, if I stop, what happens then. It is too easy to just stop, and sometimes if you don't know what to do, the best thing to do is something worth something. I also have a strict guideline in my head, that no matter how dismal it looks, no matter if I am depressed or anything, I just keep going forward. And usually without any help. I just reason stuff and try to willpower my way through. But lately I have been asking myself why do this.. if I never succeed, if I'll never be contempt. I always saw a bright future, maybe a family, a house and all that. But what if it never comes? It is not in my hands. Then the question becomes... what then? Do I start adventuring? Start a huge project? Start a revolution? This is a bothersome question.
Basically, I should be contempt. I work 6.5 hours a day in a place I can now walk to in 30 mins (yay!), and everything is ok in my life. But I am not satisfied. I believe the reason for this is either lack of meaningful deep relationships with people who I can relate to, or the lack of something that I can put all my drive and energy into, since work is only work, and work will never be done - most work is like that. Or the sad part that I am fully dependent on the society around me, and the society is not on a good path. I should either be independent, or look for ways of changing the society.. Now, I would be interested in changing the world but I tend to say no to myself, since I can hardly convince anyone of my current views on the society... and it is a huge risk and a leap of faith to move into such affairs. Regardless, I probably should. The few things in my life that I really get fired up about are: discussion on world/politics/economics/technical issues, investments, making love, and riding or driving something really fast. My other interests are a lot less intensive, and fleeting.
By now you might be curious where do you fit in? Well, I think any good relationship should start with just having fun together. I just think whoever I meet should probably be quite rational and open. If you value the justification of an opinion more than the opinion itself, then we are in the same field. I have also have little desire to be a manly man, or making you feel secure, you should be secure in Finland anyway. I think we should all be independent, discursive, loving and sincere. What I aim to say is that I am not the kind of standard man who is going to feel powerful and independent. I am outspoken and welcome to new things, but I hold fast to my own desires and goals, whether it be wealth or easy living.