I think instant sparks and connections just mean two people really fancy each other. I'm not knocking that because its got to be there and it's fantastic when it happens, but the capacity to make everything else up to fit around the sparks never fails to amaze me, (less so in myself these days- I've had my fingers burned once too often). Time is what counts to build true intimacy and that's when the connection really matters.
So, here we go, round and round in circles in the land of I-absolutely-promise-to-have-no-expectations. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sticking people in the boxes of our own emptiness because we need something to fill them up. Otherwise where would we be? Alone? Lonely? Heaven forbid! Human beings do it over and over again in relationships and it's intensified on the net where pretence is just enabled and encouraged. On dating sites, loneliness gets this false but very direct and instant reward of attention. I'm trying very hard to present my real self but this isn't all of me, it's cyber me, and cyber me is a wee bit jaded. I'm searching for a genuine connection for the real authentic me. I may die looking but what the fuck, single is much better than in-denial-nitty-picky-couples land where most people around me seem to be living and where I spent half a lifetime. I really don't want to find myself back there again without a compass.
It took me a long, empty road and a few hidden bends and potholes getting to this point but I'm very, very happy to be here. It's just a shame there's nobody male and gorgeous waiting with a certificate, and a knowing smile...or maybe he's just around this next corner...
And no, I don't believe in 'the one', 'soulmates' or any other fantasy. But I do believe in love, and I do believe in working at it.