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30 Mokena, IL Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 21-38
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Nov 26
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
6' 1" (1.85m)
Body Type
Used up
Other and laughing about it
Post grad
Doesn’t have kids but might want them
Has dogs
English (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
When I feel that I am close to dying, I plan on donating my body to science. Then, I will have a plastic surgeon to insert a pop bottle sized canister into my abdomen, right next to the spleen. This canister will be filled with fake spring loaded snakes that will leap out when it is opened.

If all goes well, I can then die with the satisfaction of knowing that I am going to make some poor med student shit himself during his or her anatomy class. :)
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
After completing three years of law school I've come to the conclusion that lawyer'n ain't for me (80+ hours a week, nope). Instead, I'm helping rebuild the our once-mighty family business (we make industrial brooms and cleaning supplies). Basically, I'm living out Arrested Development. I'd like to think I'm Michael, but in reality I'm probably Gob. In the meantime, I'm looking to meet friends, romantic interests, arch nemeses, and (if I'm really lucky) a romantic interest/arch nemesis.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
For what it's worth, I've been told I'm a talented musician, but I've been told a lot of things... Actually I'm more of a producer, which is to say that instead of rocking out on stage I sit in a dark room staring at a computer screen while wearing headphones and plucking away at a MIDI keyboard until my masterpiece is finished. That and recording other musicians.

Plotting nefarious machinations.

Making people chortle.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
The stench of evil, which deceptively smells like peanut butter cookies.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
The Calvin and Hobbes comic strip started running the year I was born, and I have been reading it almost my whole life. There will always be a place for a for a Calvin and Hobbes "Treasury" collection on my nightstand (bonus brownie points if you know what a transmogrifier is, and extra super points if you can pronounce it).

I'd love to go on about myself all day, but my nap time approaches. Plus, I think there are positives in remaining mysterious. When you go on a date with someone and you already know nearly everything there is to know about them, what is there to really talk about? Hopefully, it will cut down on the chances of a date becoming an "interview," where one just sort of interrogates the other with a question such a: "so, it says here on page 2 that you like the 'night life,' and specifically that you like to 'boogie.' Would you mind elaborating on that?"
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
My magnificent Lazyboy recliner. This chair will accompany me to Valhalla via my Viking funeral.

My cellphone/watch/alarm clock/daily planner/mp3 player/boombox. The thing beeps and tells me what to do. I'd be lost without it.

My laptop, "Debbie."

My brain stem.

My circulatory system.

I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
What to put in this section. Woe, how this section CONFOUNDS me!
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Asleep. I go to bed at sundown.

However, since "society" seems to frown on my sleeping patterns, I'm often forced to stir up good times with my "friends." Until they're distracted, that is; then I make my escape.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I was once abducted and probed by aliens. After the initial probing I asked if they were up for another round. They declined citing that it was late and they had space-work early in the morning. They courteously dropped me off at my house.

They told me they would call me - they didn't. Assholes...

P.S. I've killed before.

P.P.S. I plan on killing again.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You're a fairly independent and confident person who's doesn't need to be tracked on GPS in order to feel loved.

Also, girls that burp... loudly.