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33 Jamaica, NY Man


I’m looking for

  • Men
  • Ages 21–43
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating, casual sex

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 11:16am
6′ 1″ (1.85m)
Body type
Strictly vegan
Aquarius, but it doesn’t matter
Graduated from university
Entertainment / Media
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), French (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I realized that it's time to change my profile. My last profile was a vain attempt at humor made about 8 or 9 months ago. I read my profile thinking I might laugh at my own jokes and I looked at it, and it just looked like something written by an asshole. I didn't laugh. I became aware of that fact that there's a reason no one has really contacted me in 8 or 9 months. It's never funny when it's forced.

That being said, I will attempt to be serious about this entire profile-creating process. I am currently kind of fat, but I am still in denial, so I am keeping up my pictures of when I was skinny, and hoping that I find the will to get there again. What happened? Life happened. Disappointment happened. Failure happened. Rejection happened. And for a while, so did Papa Johns, and Taco Bell, and man, am I REALLY ashamed about this one: BURGER KING. Fucking Burger King happened too! At the time, it all worked for me though. It got me through all the misery, and now I am a true blue vegan once again, working my way back down to a size 32 waist. Of course, I'm now 33 with an aging body and veganism by itself is not conducive to that kind of weight loss, so exercise is going to have to become a thing in my life very soon. Anyone up for a gym partner?

Why did I succumb to the desire to ingest crappy, processed food? Because it wasn't crack or heroin! Not that I've ever smoked crack or done heroin. Hey, give me a break, will ya? I need some way to rationalize my poor health choices for a few months!

Are you judging me for my choices? I bet you're even judging me for writing this! You're just like my parents! LEAVE ME ALONE!!!!!

You know, you should be a therapist or counselor if you've read this far. You're totally cut out for the job. No, I'm serious. You've really helped me.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm being a paralegal. I failed miserably to become an actor while I still had alternative sources of income (also known as parents who were willing to pay for my attempt at a career). I would become a lawyer, but I would totally need to be one of those celebrity lawyers. You know, like Saul Goodman on "Breaking Bad" and now, "Better Call Saul." I could have my own lawyer show called "Ya Can't Beat Pete" or something like that. But for now, I am a paralegal. And I am beaten. That's fucking depressing.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
watching TV.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
That I'm nuts.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: "Think and Grow Rich", "Sophie's World", "The Long Emergency", "Go Tell It On the Mountain", "On the Road", "Junky", "Naked Lunch", "Speed", "The Bonfire of the Vanities", and "The Electric Kool Aid Acid Test", "A Mind of Its Own", "Imperial America: Reflections on the United States of Amnesia", "Dry", "The Corrections", Stieg Larsson's Millennium Series: "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo", "The Girl Who Played With Fire," "The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet's Nest."

Movies: "Fried Green Tomatoes", "Black Swan", "American Beauty", "Requiem for a Dream", "All About Eve", "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?", "Mommie Dearest", "But I'm a Cheerleader", "The Manchurian Candidate" (the old one); Philadelphia", "Hedwig and the Angry Inch", "Goodfellas", "A Bronx Tale", "Magnolia", "Boogie Nights", "The Godfather: Parts 1 and 2", "Taxi Driver", "Scarface", "Dog Day Afternoon", "Serpico", "Mystic River", "King of New York", "Shottas!", "Dead Man Walking", "The Rocky Horror Picture Show", "Sophie's Choice", "One True Thing", "Bowling for Columbine", "Fahrenheit 9/11", "Sicko", "Capitalism: A Love Story", "Religulous", "When Harry Met Sally", "Waiting for Guffman", "Kiss Me Guido", "History of the World, Part 1", "The Producers" (new and old), "High Anxiety", "Space Balls", "Ghostbusters", "Ghostbusters II", "Leaving Las Vegas"

Shows: "House of Cards", "Orange is the New Black", "Dexter", "Breaking Bad", "Boardwalk Empire", "Ray Donovan", "The Daily Show With Jon Stewart", "The Colbert Report", "Real Time With Bill Maher", "Buffy the Vampire Slayer", "Weeds", "Glee", "South Park", "The Sarah Silverman Program", "Family Guy", "American Dad", "The Cleveland Show", "Law and Order" (the original, SVU and Criminal Intent), "The Golden Girls", "Will and Grace", "The Nanny", "Ugly Betty", "Seinfeld", "Ringer", "Oz", "Better Call Saul", "Jane the Virgin"

Music: I will spend days on here if I keep naming people. Suffice it to say, I like all kinds of music.

Food: Vegan junk food.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1 - My iphone.
2 - Seitan.
3 - Cigarettes.
4 - Coffee.
5 - Pandora.
6 - My unlimited metrocard.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
people who probably never think about me at all.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
taking a long walk somewhere within the five boroughs.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
The problem here is that I always think of something "more private" that I realize deserved to have taken the cake on this one the last time around, until I then think of something even more private than that. What is the most private thing I am willing to admit? Ok, here's what it is right now: this question scares me. That's right. I don't want to lie or gloss it over, and I don't want anyone knowing about my private life. They will judge me. The fact that I am too scared of being judged for admitting private things IS the most private thing I am willing to admit!
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You can deal with all my neuroses, and you like fat-but-losing bald guys who misrepresent themselves with thinner photos from years ago.