Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy


59 Boston, MA Man


You might like

I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 24–39
  • Located anywhere
  • For long-term dating

My details

Last online
Mar 31
6′ 2″ (1.88m)
Body type
Mostly vegetarian
Not at all
Graduated from Ph.D program
Has kids, and wants more
Has dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently), Italian (Poorly), French (Poorly), Sign Language (Poorly)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Peace - Justice - Books - Family - Fun

Warm, nerdy, kink-friendly Ph.D. computer scientist, ex-musician, ex-potter (ceramics), unconventional thinker, seeking a younger woman (20s-30s-ish) for insightful conversation, silly songs, love, kids, family, fun projects or anything in between.

UPDATE: For some years my wife and I had been looking together for another woman to become family and have additional children with us, raising them together in a larger household, providing: more companionship, love and support; more intellectual and emotional stimulation; more role models; more hearts, hands and minds for raising them well; and more eco-efficiency than multiple smaller families. (Plus more fun!) But the search was difficult and stressful, partly because there are so few people who are able to think outside the box enough to even consider the merits of such a family arrangement, and partly because she never liked the emotional roller coaster of dating. Eventually she was feeling burned out on our search, and wanted to shift her attention to other goals while just being happy to have our existing family. And while I too felt tired of the monotony of looking at profiles -- and very grateful to have our existing family -- I still desire to have more family and children if the opportunity arises. Consequently we recently decided to retire our search as as it was, and instead adopt multiple missions: a continued shared mission of loving each other, loving our kids and raising them in a supportive environment while doing our part to help the world around us; and whatever individual personal missions of our own we choose. I haven't yet fixed on any particular new personal mission yet (aside from major professional goals of improving healthcare efficiency and effectiveness), so we'll see what it turns out to be. Ideas and offers are welcome. (And if you're interested in some songwriting or arranging collaboration, let me know, as it would be fun to do some of that again.) On the other hand if I (or we) do happen to meet someone who is open to the extended family ideas described here it would be lovely. If that happens then we will adapt our living arrangements to whatever seems to work best for all involved, whether it is one big household, multiple closely connected households (upstairs/downstairs) with big family dinners, or something else entirely. We'll figure it out as we go along. Isn't that what life is about anyway? The remainder of this profile has not been updated to fully reflect this change from our original search.

ABOUT THE AGE DIFFERENCE: Yes, I am older and you are younger. And we have many other differences as well -- thankfully. :) But if we allow each other to be who we are and appreciate our differences, we can certainly still love and support each other and have a wonderful life and family together. It's okay to have different interests or life-stage-related experiences sometimes, just as it's good to appreciate the timeless qualities of our innate values and personalities. Life is short. Live it the way you choose to live it.

UPDATE 24-Sep-2014: Lots of USA-based travel recently -- San Francisco, Yosemite, Chicago, New York, Florida. Went to the Climate March in New York City too. It was great to see so many people participating: over 300,000!

UPDATE 7-Jul-2014: Saturday's walk against the systemic corruption of our political system by big money was great! And the MayDay PAC for campaign finance reforms reached it's fund-raising goal of $5 million from 50,000 people! From both the left and right, people care about this issue. It underlies every other political problem in our nation.

UPDATE 1-Jul-2014: If you haven't seen "The Internet's Own Boy", about web and political prodigy Aaron Swartz, please do. His death was a tragic loss to the world.

We like lasting relationships, based on shared values and great communication. We also believe in making a conscious choice to live according to one's beliefs and desires.

If you have ever seen a red "MAKE JOBS, NOT WAR" bumper sticker, it came from us. We have given away over 10,000 of them since Bush started gearing up to invade Iraq. (They are available on our website, .) We strongly support peace, human rights and environmental organizations. We believe in helping others and protecting the world around us. Fundamentally we believe in truth and the golden rule, and we wish our government did too.

We live a healthy lifestyle, with healthy habits, weight and exercise -- jogging or gym. We eat mostly home cooked meals, mostly organic and mostly vegetarian (though some fish and chicken), but we are not dogmatic or rigid about it. We don't drink, smoke or watch TV, but we do indulge in dark chocolate. :)

We are nerdy, tending toward intellectual pursuits, tempered by simple practicality and creativity. We have walls of books.

We love foreign travel, though we have hardly traveled since our twins were born. We have each been to over twenty countries, and we each speak at least a little of at least two foreign languages.

We also greatly enjoy simple home-oriented activities, such as making pizza with the kids -- including making our own whole wheat crust -- or canning home-made applesauce in the autumn.

We are not necessarily looking for someone to be sexually intimate with both of us. First and foremost we want a lasting relationship that works for all involved, and whether that includes sexual intimacy with only one of us -- either one -- or both of us, will depend on the preference of the individual and the relationship that develops. We are open to consider any arrangement; we just want it to work for the long haul.

We are strongly attachment-oriented. For us, physical intimacy needs to be based first on emotional intimacy and trust.

We enjoy some kink / BDSM and a dominant/submissive relationship as one loving aspect of our overall interaction -- and if you have submissive desires that would be a plus ;) -- but mostly we are just smart, creative, caring people who love each other and hope to have another woman and more kids in our family. In the long run, shared values are more important than chemistry, though good chemistry is also important.

Family model
We like togetherness, and our natural tendency is toward polyfidelity, though we are open to other possibilities if you prefer something different. And in spite of any immediate attraction that we may feel toward you, we are slow and cautious about sexual involvement: we need a solid emotional relationship first. Given the number of people who, as a knee-jerk reaction, assume that our primary interest in finding another woman is sexual, there is clearly some irony about this, but that's the way we are.

Although some may describe what we seek as polygamy, that term is likely to be very misleading. We do not believe in patriarchy, gender role stereotypes, separatism or subjugation of women, we are not dogmatic and our desire for "more family" has nothing to do with our religion. (D is quaker; M is jewish.) We are open minded, intellectual, accepting and respectful of others. We just want the mutual life enrichment of a larger family in a way that works for all involved, and we are willing to think and live slightly "outside the box" in order to create it.

We realize that what we seek is unusual, and thus we should not limit our search geographically. Although we live outside of Boston, and we very much like our home and community, we would consider relocating if that would best serve our family as a whole.

Furthermore, if you live in or near a major US city, the chances are very good that one or both of us could arrange to meet you for a meal sometime when we are traveling for work or other reasons.

Say hello!
If this sounds interesting to you, or if you are curious to learn more, please write! Life is short. We reply to all inquiries except spam.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Doing my part to help support peace and justice, raising wonderful twins, enjoying life, and hoping to find a woman who shares our values and our desire for "more family"!
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
1. Living with others in a shared household. 2. Thinking things through.

I have lived with housemates ever since I started college, and very much enjoy it. Of course, in this case we're looking for more than just a housemate, but knowing how to live well with others can't hurt as a starter. :-)
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
People often notice the "MAKE JOBS, NOT WAR" stickers on my jacket, which we give away to all who want them.

By the way, a friend has told us that this profile makes us sound like hippies, which we aren't at all. Think intellectuals who also happen to be caring, thoughtful and open minded. Also, our friend reports that we are much warmer in real life than our profile makes us sound. :)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Isabel Allende, other Latin American Novelists, Omnivore's Dilemma, Richard Dawkins ("The Selfish Gene"), Oliver Sacks ("The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat"), Almodovar, Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson, National Geographic, Philip Pullman ("His Dark Materials"), Maurice Sendak ("Where The Wild Things Are",which we can probably recite verbatim by now), Winnie the Pooh, Roald Dahl, Secretary.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Family, ideas, pursuit of justice, creative expression, smart people, hugs and pesto, which we make from organically home-grown basil in our semi-annual Basil Harvest / Pesto Party. Okay, that's seven.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
(1) Our children; and (2) how badly the economy has been damaged by the $trillions that Bush dumped down the drain in Iraq, and how many Iraqis were killed by it. Imagine how many new jobs that amount of capital could create!

More keywords for okcupid: activism, activist, social justice, environment, environmentalism, recycling, shared values, Ph.D., musician, Marquez, Allende, Gandhi, Dawkins, Chomsky, Pullman, Sendak, basil, pesto, couple, poly, polyfidelity, polyamoury, triad, quaker
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Either walking with our kids to dinner at a local kid-friendly restaurant, or making stone soup with fresh bread together at home.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Private things will have to wait until you get to know us, so rather than leaving this blank, here is a list of organizations that we materially supported in the last few years, in the hope that it will give you a feel for our priorities: New Hampshire Peace Action (web); American Friends Service Committee (AFSC) (web); Doctors Without Borders / Medecins Sans Frontieres (web); GreenPeace (web); Amnesty International (web); MassPIRG (web); Concord NH Quaker Meeting (web); Alternatives to Marriage Project (web); Action on Smoking and Health (ASH) (web); Canterbury Shaker Village Fund (web); Institute for 21st Century Relationships (web); Massachusetts NOW (web); RESOLVE of the Bay State (web); World Fellowship (web); Americans for Peace Now (web); Witness For Peace (web); Computer Professionals for Social Responsibility (CPSR) (web); Kingdom Kids Fund (web); One Laptop Per Child (web).
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
Write to us if you like what you read. We do not always message people whose profiles we view and like, because some people seem to take offense at being contacted (even politely) by a couple, so please don't feel shy about writing to us first. If you don't write, we may never meet! :(

Also, note that we are only interested in a real life relationship. Although we are happy to use email as a first step, we will want to meet you in person as soon as practical -- lunch or hot chocolate at a cafe, for example -- as we have no interest in cyber-only relationships. If you are distant then meeting in person may take longer to arrange, but we sometimes travel to other parts of the country or the world, so please write anyway if what we describes sounds interesting.

P.S. If you know us from other circles, please say hello!