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59 Boston, MA Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 24-39
  • Located anywhere
  • For long-term dating

My details

Last online
Sep 26
6' 2" (1.88m)
Body Type
Special Diet
Not at all
Post grad
Has kid(s) and wants more
Has dogs
English (Fluently), Italian (Somewhat), French (Somewhat), Sign Language (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Peace - Justice - Books - Family - Fun

Warm, nerdy, kink-friendly Ph.D. computer scientist, ex-musician, ex-potter (ceramics), unconventional thinker, seeking a younger woman (20s-30s-ish) for insightful conversation, silly songs, love, kids, family, fun projects or anything in between.

Currently separated, with two great kids, and would love to have more in my life, whether new or existing. For several years my wife and I, as part of our wedding vows to each other, had been looking for another woman to become family and have additional children with us, raising them together in a larger household, providing: more companionship, love and support; more intellectual and emotional stimulation; more role models; more hearts, hands and minds for raising them well; and more eco-efficiency than multiple smaller families. (Plus more fun!) But the search was tedious -- not many are willing to even consider such a relationship -- and eventually my wife tired of the search and decided that she no longer wanted to pursue that dream. And while I too was tired of looking at profiles I wasn't ready to give up that dream of having more family and children if the opportunity arises. After much consideration we decided to separate so that we can live independent romantic lives while continuing to function as a family in other ways. She now lives in the downstairs apartment of our two-family home, and I live upstairs with additional housemates, which I have always enjoyed. We've also opened the wall between the apartments so that we and our kids can freely go up and down between the apartments. We're also not closing the door on any future arrangements.

Since this profile was originally written to represent both my wife and me, some parts of it may still say "we" instead of "I".

I am deeply loyal and drawn toward lasting relationships based on shared values and great communication. I also believe in making a conscious choice to live according to one's beliefs and desires.

If you have ever seen a red "MAKE JOBS, NOT WAR" bumper sticker, it came from us. We have given away over 10,000 of them since Bush started gearing up to invade Iraq. (They are available on our website, .) We strongly support peace, human rights and environmental organizations. We believe in helping others and protecting the world around us. Fundamentally we believe in truth and the golden rule, and we wish our government did too.

I prefer a healthy lifestyle, with healthy habits, weight and exercise -- jogging or gym. I prefer home cooked meals, mostly organic and mostly vegetarian (though some fish and chicken), but I am not dogmatic or rigid about it. I don't drink, smoke or watch TV, but I do indulge in dark chocolate. :)

I am nerdy, tending toward intellectual pursuits, tempered by simple practicality and creativity. We have walls of books.

I love foreign travel, though I have hardly traveled outside the USA since our twins were born. I have traveled in over twenty countries, and speak some Italian and French.

I also greatly enjoy simple home-oriented activities, such as making pizza with the kids -- including making our own whole wheat crust -- or canning home-made applesauce in the autumn.

I am strongly attachment-oriented. For me, physical intimacy needs to be based first on emotional intimacy and trust.

I enjoy some kink / BDSM as one loving aspect of an overall interaction -- and if you have submissive desires that would be a plus ;) -- but mostly I'm a smart, creative, caring person who values loving relationships and hopes for for the blessing of more kids in my life. A solid relationship must have both shared values and good chemistry.

Family model
I like togetherness, and my natural tendency is toward polyfidelity, though I am open to other possibilities if you prefer something different.

Although some may describe what I seek as polygamy, that term is likely to be very misleading. I do not believe in patriarchy, gender role stereotypes, separatism or subjugation of women, and my desire for "more family" has nothing to do with religion. (I am quaker, which happens to be one of the more open minded, peace-oriented religions.) I am open minded, intellectual, accepting and respectful of others, and I am hoping for the mutual life enrichment of a larger family.

We live outside of Boston and very much like our home and community. I wish I could say that we could relocate if necessary, but both my wife and I currently have important family obligations here -- elderly parents -- that preclude moving at this time.

However, if you think we have important values in common then I still think it is worthwhile getting to know each other. And the chances are that if you live in or near a major US city, I could probably arrange to meet you sometime for a meal when we traveling for work or other reasons.

Say hello!
If this sounds interesting to you, or if you are curious to learn more, please write! Life is short. I reply to all inquiries except spam.

UPDATE 24-Sep-2014: Lots of USA-based travel recently -- San Francisco, Yosemite, Chicago, New York, Florida. Went to the Climate March in New York City too. It was great to see so many people participating: over 300,000!

UPDATE 7-Jul-2014: Saturday's walk against the systemic corruption of our political system by big money was great! And the MayDay PAC for campaign finance reforms reached it's fund-raising goal of $5 million from 50,000 people! From both the left and right, people care about this issue. It underlies every other political problem in our nation.

UPDATE 1-Jul-2014: If you haven't seen "The Internet's Own Boy", about web and political prodigy Aaron Swartz, please do. His death was a tragic loss to the world.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Doing my part to help support peace and justice, raising wonderful twins and hoping to find a woman with shared values who also wants "more family"!
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
1. Living with others in a shared household. 2. Thinking things through.

I have lived with housemates ever since I started college, and very much enjoy it. Of course, in this case I'm looking for more than just a housemate, but knowing how to live well with others can't hurt as a starter. :-)
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
People often notice the "MAKE JOBS, NOT WAR" stickers on my jacket, which I give away to all who want them.

By the way, a friend has told me that this profile makes me sound like a hippie, which I am not at all. Think intellectual who also happen to be creative, caring and open minded. Also, this friend reports that I am much warmer in real life than this profile makes me sound. :)
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Richard Dawkins ("The Selfish Gene"), Oliver Sacks ("The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat"), Almodovar, Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson, National Geographic, Philip Pullman ("His Dark Materials"), Maurice Sendak ("Where The Wild Things Are",which we can probably recite verbatim by now), Winnie the Pooh, Roald Dahl, Secretary. Food? Healthy preferred.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Family, ideas, pursuit of justice, creative expression, smart people, hugs and pesto, which we make from organically home-grown basil in our semi-annual Basil Harvest / Pesto Party. Okay, that's seven.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
(1) Our children; and (2) how badly the economy has been damaged by the $trillions that Bush dumped down the drain in Iraq, and how many Iraqis were killed by it. Imagine how many new jobs that amount of capital could create!

More keywords for okcupid: activism, activist, social justice, environment, environmentalism, recycling, shared values, Ph.D., musician, Marquez, Allende, Gandhi, Dawkins, Chomsky, Pullman, Sendak, basil, pesto, couple, poly, polyfidelity, polyamoury, triad, quaker
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Playing a game with the kids, working on a project or making whole-wheat pizza at home.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Private things will have to wait until you get to know me, so rather than leaving this blank, here is a list of organizations that I materially supported in the last few years, in the hope that it will give you a feel for my priorities: New Hampshire Peace Action (web); American Friends Service Committee (AFSC) (web); Doctors Without Borders / Medecins Sans Frontieres (web); GreenPeace (web); Amnesty International (web); MassPIRG (web); Concord NH Quaker Meeting (web); Alternatives to Marriage Project (web); Action on Smoking and Health (ASH) (web); Canterbury Shaker Village Fund (web); Institute for 21st Century Relationships (web); Massachusetts NOW (web); RESOLVE of the Bay State (web); World Fellowship (web); Americans for Peace Now (web); Witness For Peace (web); Computer Professionals for Social Responsibility (CPSR) (web); Kingdom Kids Fund (web); One Laptop Per Child (web).
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
Write to me if you like what you read. I do not always message people whose profiles we view and like, because some people seem to take offense at being contacted (even politely) by someone who is married (though partially separated and in an open relationship), so please don't feel shy about writing first. If you don't write, we may never meet! :(

Also, note that I am only interested in a real life relationship. Although I am happy to use email as a first step, I will want to meet you in person as soon as practical -- lunch or hot chocolate at a cafe, for example -- as I have no interest in cyber-only relationships. If you are distant then meeting in person may take longer to arrange, but I sometimes travel to other parts of the country or the world, so please write anyway if any of this resonates with you.

P.S. If you know me from other circles, say hello!