Warm, nerdy, kink-friendly Ph.D. computer scientist, ex-musician, ex-potter, unconventional thinker, seeking a younger woman (20s-30s-ish) for insightful conversation, silly songs, love, kids, family, fun projects or anything in between. But let's start with conversation.
UPDATE 20-Jan-2014: The walk against the corruption of our political system by big money was awesome today! Looking forward to joining it again on Friday, for the final 7 miles!
UPDATE 14-Jan-2014: I just sent this to family, friends and colleagues:
In honor of Web prodigy and activist Aaron Swartz, who died
tragically just a year ago, I have signed up to walk a portion
of a 185-mile awareness walk to help end the corruption of our
government that is caused by our current system of campaign
financing, which Aaron was working to end. Please watch this
awesome TED talk by Lawrence Lessig, and let others know about
If you'd like, you can also make a donation to support this
effort, called the NH Rebellion: http://tinyurl.com/m964xoj
Or join the walk yourself: http://march.nhrebellion.org/
If you wish to walk with me, I'll be walking the leg from
Shaker Village (next door to where I grew up) to Concord on
Monday January 20 (Martin Luther King holiday), and would be
delighted to have your company.
Please also help spread the word about this important cause
that cuts across both conservative and liberal lines and
affects the heart of our government.
UPDATE: For some years my partner M and I had been looking together for another woman to become family and have additional children with us, raising them together in a larger household, providing: more companionship, love and support; more intellectual and emotional stimulation; more role models; more hearts, hands and minds for raising them well; and more eco-efficiency than multiple smaller families. (Plus more fun!) But the search was difficult and stressful, partly because there are so few people who are able to think outside the box enough to even consider the merits of such a family arrangement, and partly because M never liked the emotional roller coaster of dating. Eventually M was feeling burned out on our search, and wanted to shift her attention to other goals while just being happy to have our existing family. And while I too felt tired of the monotony of looking at profiles -- and very grateful to have our existing family -- I still felt excitement at the idea of having more family and children if the opportunity arises. Consequently we recently decided to retire our search as the shared mission that it had been, and instead adopt multiple missions: a continued shared mission of loving each other, loving our kids and raising them in a supportive environment while doing our part to help the world around us; and whatever individual missions of our own we choose. I haven't yet fixed on any particular new individual mission yet, so we'll see what it turns out to be. Ideas and offers are welcome. (And if you're interested in some songwriting or arranging collaboration, let me know, as it would be fun to do some of that again.) Of course, if I do happen to meet someone (or M does) who is interested in the family ideas described here it would be lovely. And if it happens then we will figure out how to adapt our living arrangements to whatever seems to work best for all involved, whether it is one big household, multiple closely connected households (upstairs/downstairs) with big family dinners, or something else. We'll figure it out as we go along. Isn't that what life is about anyway? The remainder of this profile has not been updated to fully reflect this change from our original search.
ABOUT THE AGE DIFFERENCE: Yes, I am older and you are younger. And we have many other differences as well -- thankfully. :) But if we accept this age difference, and we allow each other to be who we are and appreciate our differences, we can certainly still love and support each other and have a wonderful life and family together. It's okay to have different interests or life-stage-related experiences sometimes, just as it's good to appreciate the timeless qualities of our innate values and personalities. Life is short. Live it the way you choose to live it.
We like lasting relationships, based on shared values and great communication. We also believe in making a conscious choice to live according to one's beliefs and desires.
If you have ever seen a red "MAKE JOBS, NOT WAR" bumper sticker, it came from us. We have given away over 10,000 of them since Bush started gearing up to invade Iraq. (They are available on our website, http://morepeace.org/ .) We strongly support peace, human rights and environmental organizations. We believe in helping others and protecting the world around us. Fundamentally we believe in truth and the golden rule, and we wish our government did too.
We live a healthy lifestyle, with healthy habits, weight and exercise -- jogging or gym. We eat mostly home cooked meals, mostly organic and mostly vegetarian (though some fish and chicken), but we are not dogmatic or rigid about it. We don't drink, smoke or watch TV, but we do indulge in dark chocolate. :)
We are nerdy, tending toward intellectual pursuits, tempered by simple practicality and creativity. We have walls of books.
We love foreign travel, though we have hardly traveled since our twins were born. We have each been to over twenty countries, and we each speak at least a little of at least two foreign languages.
We also greatly enjoy simple home-oriented activities, such as making pizza with the kids -- including making our own whole wheat crust -- or canning home-made applesauce in the autumn.
We are not necessarily looking for someone to be sexually intimate with both of us. First and foremost we want a lasting relationship that works for all involved, and whether that includes sexual intimacy with only one of us -- either one -- or both of us, will depend on the preference of the individual and the relationship that develops. We are open to consider any arrangement; we just want it to work for the long haul.
We are strongly attachment-oriented. For us, physical intimacy needs to be based first on emotional intimacy and trust.
We enjoy some kink / BDSM and a dominant/submissive relationship as one loving aspect of our overall interaction -- and if you have submissive desires that would be a plus ;) -- but mostly we are just smart, creative, caring people who love each other and hope to have another woman and more kids in our family. In the long run, shared values are more important than chemistry, though good chemistry is also important.
We like togetherness, and our natural tendency is toward polyfidelity, though we are open to other possibilities if you prefer something different. And in spite of any immediate attraction that we may feel toward you, we are slow and cautious about sexual involvement: we need a solid emotional relationship first. Given the number of people who, as a knee-jerk reaction, assume that our primary interest in finding another woman is sexual, there is clearly some irony about this, but that's the way we are.
Although some may describe what we seek as polygamy, that term is likely to be very misleading. We do not believe in patriarchy, gender role stereotypes, separatism or subjugation of women, we are not dogmatic and our desire for "more family" has nothing to do with our religion. (D is quaker; M is jewish.) We are open minded, intellectual, accepting and respectful of others. We just want the mutual life enrichment of a larger family in a way that works for all involved, and we are willing to think and live slightly "outside the box" in order to create it.
We realize that what we seek is unusual, and thus we should not limit our search geographically. Although we live outside of Boston, and we very much like our home and community, we would consider relocating if that would best serve our family as a whole.
Furthermore, if you live in or near a major US city, the chances are very good that one or both of us could arrange to meet you for a meal sometime when we are traveling for work or other reasons.
If this sounds interesting to you, or if you are curious to learn more, please write! Life is short. We reply to all inquiries except spam.