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31 Belmont, CA Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 23-40
  • Near me
  • For new friends, short-term dating, casual sex

My details

Last online
Nov 26
Open relationship
Relationship Type
5' 11" (1.80m)
Body Type
A little extra
Not at all
Other and laughing about it
Post grad
Doesn’t have kids but wants them
English (Fluently), Russian (Fluently), Japanese (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
IMPORTANT UPDATE: I'm living abroad in Eastern Europe at the moment, but will be visiting the Bay Area for a bit in late January. If you'd like to get together when I'm back in town, send me a message! I'm unlikely to initiate contact with anyone during this period.


Full disclosure: I have a rather wonderful significant other (frellasaurus, whose profile may or may not be visible at the moment), and we practice ethical non-monogamy. If you're curious about what that means or looks like, feel free to ask. The short of it is that I'm open to both friendships and relationships, regardless of where those happen to fall on the sexual-platonic spectrum or the casual-intimate spectrum.

Now, about me. I'm a lawyer, these days, but of neither the work-80-hours-a-week-defending-evil-corporations variety nor the defender-of-the-innocent-protector-of-the-unheard variety. Before doing the law thing, I got a philosophy degree from UCSC and freelanced for a few years as a tech writer, editor, and translator.

I get nerdy about: languages, videogames, philosophy/critical theory, feminism and progressive social/identity politics, and tea, in no particular order.

I avoid: drinking, smoking, drugs, social situations involving more people than can reasonably participate in a single conversation. I don't particularly object to having friends or partners who do those things, provided that they're done safely and I'm not expected to participate or be present for it.

My ideal night involves sitting around with one or two or three interesting people, brewing a nice cup of tea, and watching a movie or playing some videogames or debating questions that have no answers. One of my favorite things is to share silence with people.

My body generally doesn't leave the house without a good reason, while my thinkmeats are Enkidu in the wilderness.

-- I've been to as many continents as I have American states.
[EDIT: This is no longer true, as I've just returned from visiting friends in Oregon and Washington, where I had never before been. But it's still pretty close to true, and will remain here until a new interesting fact emerges to replace it.]
-- I've bought tea at what's probably the oldest teahouse in the world.
-- I've been officially enrolled at 17 educational institutions for at least one term each.
-- I'm certified to teach English as a foreign language to adults.
-- I can "read" (that is, turn graphemes into phonemes, though not necessarily with access to the semantics) 7 different character sets/alphabets.
-- I don't know how to fart.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Upgathering into the leap.

Adulting with varying degrees of success. In my estimation, there are two primary markers of the beginning of adulthood:
(1) "I don't know how to do the thing" is no longer sufficient reason to not do the thing; and
(2) One's ability to obtain games exceeds one's capacity to consume them.

By these metrics, I'm doing pretty well.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Gratitude. Taking "no" for an answer. Taking "yes" for an answer.

Tilting at windmills. Making you-had-to-be-there jokes that I totally can't communicate to you right now. Explaining stuff, even when I don't quite understand it myself. Listening to (though, sadly, not performing) music. Being totally OCD about grammar and other languagey things. Thinking I'm right and then actually having been right; admitting I'm wrong when I'm wrong and changing my opinions accordingly.

Also, portmanteaus. Also, bowling. Also, compersion.

Writing wholesome things like this (poetry).
Writing less wholesome things like this (smut).

Finally going to bed after the sun's come up.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My ladyfriend, when asked, said "your eyes and perfectly symmetrical face, curse you." I am unconvinced.

Honestly, probably that I speak almost exactly how I write.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Podcasts: Reply All, Startup, Planet Money, Welcome to Night Vale, Sex Nerd Sandra, Hello Internet.

Books: Frank Herbert's "Dune" series, Neil Gaiman's "Sandman" series (and pretty much everything else he's written), Orson Scott Card's "Ender's Game" series, Nietzsche's "Thus Spoke Zarathustra," Heidegger's "Being and Time," Patrick Rothfuss' "Kingkiller" books, the Principia Discordia, the Illuminatus! Trilogy, Ursula K. Le Guin's "Earthsea" and "Hainish" series. See my Goodreads profile for a more complete list. A recent effort to read more books by nonwhite nondudes has brought me to Octavia Butler (who is good), Nnedi Okorafor (who is great), and N.K. Jemisin (who is fantastic).

Movies: The Fountain, Black Swan, Amelie, Six-String Samurai, The Cooler, Spirited Away, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, Grave of the Fireflies, Happiness of the Katakuris, Dancer in the Dark.

Shows: Babylon 5, Game of Thrones, Mad Men, Community, Scrubs, Orphan Black, Suits, Wonderfalls, Firefly, Ergo Proxy, Avatar: The Last Airbender, House M.D., Boston Legal, Breaking Bad, Fullmetal Alchemist (and, of course, FMA: Brotherhood), the various Stargate shows.

Music: Tool, The Mars Volta, Dir en grey, Opeth, Otep, Tori Amos, Ani DiFranco, Ainjel Emme, Idan Raichel, APerfectCircle, Alexandrina Hristov, Animals As Leaders, Bjork, Depeche Mode, Diamanda Galas, Rodrigo y Gabriela, Miyavi.

Food: I can't handle foods of certain consistencies, including eggplant, tofu, and similarly mushy things; beyond that, I'm not terribly picky and generally appreciate food as an art form. I bake a mean poppy-seed cake and make tiramisu from scratch.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1. Numbers.
2. Words.
3. Grammar and syntax.
4. Thoughts to express by means of numbers and words, arranged in accordance with grammar and syntax so as to give rise to meaning.
5. People to whom to express these thoughts by the aforementioned means, and who in turn will reciprocally express thoughts at me.
6. Taking simple jokes, making them needlessly complicated, and running them into the ground.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
“Therefore, dear Sir, love your solitude and try to sing out with the pain it causes you. For those who are near you are far away… and this shows that the space around you is beginning to grow vast… be happy about your growth, in which of course you can’t take anyone with you, and be gentle with those who stay behind; be confident and calm in front of them and don’t torment them with your doubts and don’t frighten them with your faith or joy, which they wouldn’t be able to comprehend. Seek out some simple and true feeling of what you have in common with them, which doesn’t necessarily have to alter when you yourself change again and again; when you see them, love life in a form that is not your own and be indulgent toward those who are growing old, who are afraid of the aloneness that you trust… and don’t expect any understanding; but believe in a love that is being stored up for you like an inheritance, and have faith that in this love there is a strength and a blessing so large that you can travel as far as you wish without having to step outside it.”
― Rainer Maria Rilke
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Recovering from the week in a semi-vegetative state. Possibly wishing I were bowling. Using the somewhat archaic subjunctive. Squandering the shit out of my privilege. Avoiding social settings in which there are more people than can reasonably participate in a single conversation.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm not at all a private person. I'm not sure what I wouldn't be willing to admit to. So ask away, if you like.

I think this image captures my personality to a startling extent.

Also, there's a (small) part of me that constantly feels like I should be apologizing for being a white, hetero, cismale dom-type. Then I remember that instead of apologizing, I can just try to be less of an asshole, so I do that.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
I genuinely like most people, so if I visited your profile and didn't say hello, it's probably because something about your profile led me to conclude that you wouldn't enjoy hearing from me. If I was wrong about that, please let me know!

You should message me if I sound like a sufferable ass rather than an insufferable one.

If you're interested in people who are interesting in the ways in which I'm interesting, I'm interested in having you message me to express your interest.

Also, message me if you want to go bowling (and you'd like me to come bowling with you). Seriously. I'm a slut for bowling.

If you think this is awesome.