Did you lose yourself somewhere out there?
Did all that you could with your heart and its care?
Gave everything you had to share?
To try and save the world on a dare?
Only to end here?
Now wanting it to save you from the despair?
A love hidden from you and it all seems unfair?
Every night on your knees giving a prayer?
To God hoping he will answer and be aware?
Of the heart ache you feel each time you stare?
Into the stars out there in midair?
Covering the night skies everywhere?
Muttering to yourself, "Please find me. I know you are out there somewhere."
I have and now I wait here

Twenty seven years ago, my mother huff and puff
She proved to be quite tough
As the doctor reached in and pulled me out in the buff
Every nurse in that room could see my stuff
Fortunately I was too young for it to be embarrassing
The small penis jokes were probably quite menacing
I didn't care, I just wanted my mothers parenting
Asleep in her arms where the world seemed less threatening

She gave me the name of Jason
At the moment I remain not taken
I am a Christian so I am far from a pagan
On a search for love regardless of the duration
Hopefully to one day find true love sensation
And hold a girl in my arms in adoration

I currently attended Grand Rapids Community College
If we see each other in the hall I might acknowledge
That you are also here for its great knowledge
And hope your personality is kind and not garbage
Otherwise our meeting could be quite the carnage

I am majoring in law enforcement
Hoping one day my teachers will give me an endorsement
By helping me find a job, even if it means being an undercover informant
Or at least some job that feels important
Giving my best to the community even if it leads to my live being shortened

I am a writer
I am a fighter
I am a viper
I am a striker
And I will always prefer to be the outsider

I spend five days at the gym
Packing on the muscles on every limb
Burning many calories so I can stay slim
And look good with my shirt off with a well done trim

I like to shoot guns
I find it to be quite fun
I will even teach it to my son
And hopefully stay a hypocrite when I shout, “Stop or I'll shoot!” While you run

I study foreign languages
From German, to French, to Italian, to Latin, to Spanish, to Portuguese, I try to find balances
And avoid bursting a brain blood vessel causing quite the damages
I think it would take more than a few bandages
To repair the damage caused by these savages

I don't have believe in having kids out of wedlock
It can put me in a deadlock
If the girl interested in me already has kids
As I will not be interested in a relationship, as my creed forbids

It is against my morals to hit a woman or child
Regardless of how annoying the can get and wild
I'll just give them a sedative to keep them mild

I don't believe in having a threesome
In the same league as committing treason
Nor am I interested in a Polyamory relationship, but I support its freedom

I believe in using communication instead of violence
It's a last resort regardless of someones defiance
Words not spoken becomes a deadly silence

I do not believe in a one night stand
Most guys find that to be quite grand
Until she shows up with a piece of paper and a baby, confirming your DNA strand

My parents have been married for thirty two years
I hope to achieve the same, even with my fears
That she will break my heart bringing me to tears
Or free my soul and bring me many cheers

They'll never be good to you
Love was only meant to be of two
I spend my days searching for a clue
Feeling the loneliness and its color of blue
Wishing I had a telescope extending into space to look through
To search every place of the world for your view
Wondering and wishing that I knew
How I can find you?
I don't even know who
I am supposed to be searching for in a world meant for two
Something that seems to be only found by a few
I spend hours and minutes thinking of you
Like a unpaid bill that is due
The recipient threatening to sue
If I don't pay it and bring things back to anew
Much like having a glass shoe
Searching for the princess that it fits, which could only ever be you

Becoming fluent in Spanish- Hablo un poco Espanol. My teacher says my pronunciation is perfect and I am hoping to be considered fluent by April.

Planning on either moving to North Carolina, Florida, or Alaska in 2014.

Finishing prerequisites to get into police academy. After this semester I only need one more natural science class. So the Fall semester is a "do whatever I want" college semester. Police academy doesn't start until January.

Writing. I have been doing a lot of it in college and have branched off into musical lyrics, short stories, and poetry. Every time I try to start a novel, I never finish it. The untitled one (known to me as Five Days) in my journal is a good example of something I intend to start and never finish. My mind changes course too often. It would be nice to get published in my lifetime and I have gotten a few teachers to comment on my writing ability. I will have a Poetry class next semester to see if I can excel at it.

Becoming certified in scuba diving. More likely if I move back to Florida. Where I was born and only fitting if I go back there to die.

Owning a horse riding business. I would like to be able to ride horses whenever I am in the mood and if I could make some money letting other people experience it, I wouldn't mind. But it depends on how much time I have.

Mixed Martial Arts. I really want to get back in training for it. I miss have a martial art in my life. Fortunately police academy has a self defense course that includes MMA.

Injuring myself

Sarcasm. Offensive, dark, and light.

Marksmanship with weapons.

Driving abilities.

Determination to be good at what I do, while exhibiting leadership skills.

Surviving deadly situations.

Keeping faith in God even when the situation looks doubtful.

Oh, Mary
Shall we ride together on the ferry
Floating down the river unwary
Of the dangers that lie ahead of this ferry
Your hope in me being that I could live a life like a missionary
Living a life of morals that you deem necessary
Each one be quite literary
In how it goes about the dangers, if you are not cautionary
When you go down a path that is less honorary
I feel your love as we ride together on this ferry
The color of the river being quite visionary
The waters the color of a rainbow and quite extraordinary
This ride unfortunately is only temporary
Because I must get off and not see you again until I end up in the cemetery

Oh, Mary
Why have I become so wary?
Emotions that seem to struggle as they vary?
Why did I go from a ethereal creature to something so hairy?
Allowing myself to be consumed in the dark when I could be so much more merry
Like sunshine shining on a singing canary
Or the sound of music echoing throughout the prairie
But I feel more at home with the dead at the cemetery
The place of my fate when the shovel goes to bury
To most it ends up being quite scary
For me it is my sanctuary

Oh, Mary
What does it take to end up to find a bride to marry?
As pure as you with her untouched cherry
I swear on my soul that when she dies I will not remarry
My one and only true love I wish to lay beside when they bury
My deceased body in the cemetery
Our love implemented in a obituary
Something that was quite extraordinary
Rare to find in a world that can be so scary
Impossible to forget as it is quite legendary
If only it did not seem so imaginary

I am a lion from the sun
I love the chase of the run
I am a scorpion from the moon
My sting brings the seal of your doom
I am a walking contradiction
Never given a fair trail, I was born with my conviction
My creator being the judge upon this decision

I was born with blue eyes
Seems to be inherited in my family if you are born a guy
All the men have had blue eyes
Earning the color of the sky
Our souls couldn't tell it goodbye
The day we no longer could fly
And had to be born on earth which we could not defy
So instead we asked to be colorized with the sky
By our creator somewhere up high

I have a deep voice
I wasn't given a choice
Some women rejoice over it
So I can't complain too much about my voice

Some comment on my muscle size
I find this to be a great prize
I spend a few hours of a week working out
Occasionally having about a week with a drought
Where I relax and don't bother go being devout
I lift a lot of heavy weights hoping my muscles will increase
Helps if you can overpower the enemy when you are apart of the police
Or want to avoid ending up obese
Sometimes you just have to unleash
The anger inside to conquer the weight like a beast
And show it concern of the least, when you make it out to be your defenseless feast.

Don't really have a favorite book. My time is spent studying textbooks. If it's not Spanish for Law Enforcement, it is Biology textbook or Biology lab book (I get tested in both classes) or my Interpersonal Communication book.

80% of my movie watching is horror movies. I am the guy who went out and bought the Dawn of the Dead box set (original movie, extended cut, and Italian version) and even the single DVD release of Dawn of the Dead before the box set came out on DVD. I also own all the Nightmare on Elm Street movies, Friday the 13th, and Saw movies. Still need to collect Halloween, Child's Play, Leprechaun, Hellraiser series.

Music is far too diverse for any answer. But I stick to oldies or 90's stuff: Beatles, Godsmack, Marilyn Manson, Nirvana, Don Henley, Bryan Adams, The Eagles, Journey, Meat Loaf, Rob Zombie, Staind, Eric Clapton, John Lennon, George Harrison, AC/DC, Aerosmith, Queen, Rolling Stones, John Mellencamp, Foo Fighters, A Perfect Circle, Tool, Jethro Tull, Doobie Brothers, Michael Jackson, Goo Goo Dolls, Mushroomhead, Slipknot, etc. I have over 300 CD's by now.

Shows: Walking Dead, Farscape, Muppet Shower, Dinosaurs (1990 puppet TV show), Fraggle Rock, Top Shot, Family Guy (last few seasons have started to suck though), Simpsons, American Dad, and King of the Hill/ I use to have an interest in puppeterring, so I enjoyed and watch a lot of puppet movies/TV shows.

I prefer seafood, but I don't have a favorite food.

I came across a creature
He was quite the feature
Eyes of hazel
A funny looking nasal
Big teeth when he smiled
His attitude was quite mild
His fur was oceanic blue
He asked, “What can I do for you?”
I said, “I need six things to get me through life. But I can't think of anything and it is causing me quite some strife.”
He said, “I have some ideas. I just need a favor. Maybe, just maybe. You could be my savor?”
I asked, “What is that you want?”
He said, “To help me escape from the dreams that I haunt.”
I asked, “What do you mean?”
He said, “I've been trapped in this land since the age of thirteen. I just want to know what it is like to be free”
I respond, “How can I grant your plea?”
He said, “First let me give you your fee.”

“First you need family. Though they will sometimes make you question your sanity. Maybe even cause you some agony. But losing them would be quite the tragedy. Speaking ill of them being quite the blasphemy. As you will only ever have one family.”

“Second you need a friend, to defend you until the end. But should you give them money to spend, they'll disappear until you corner them to apprehend."

“The third is that water is a source of life. If you don't drink it, you visit the afterlife. But it also a cleaner way than disposing of the knife, should she nag you too much and you want to dispose of the wife."

“Fourth you need food. Consuming it can put you in a good mood. Though you can be quite rude. If you ate with your mouth open when you chewed. Making some stop eating and think about it, while they brood. But it's never as bad as seeing your own parent in the nude."

“The fifth is love. We spend our lives searching for our belove. Even find ourselves praying to the above. For something so right it fits like a glove. But should another guy try to take it from you, find a cliff and accidentally give him a shove."

“The sixth is the need for writing, for in your realm there is no hiding.”

He said, “So now I ask you to set me free. Or at least hand me remote so I can change the channel, as I really hate Glee. Even more than figuring out two plus three, or being stung by a honeybee. As you can see I like to rhyme and I am quite content with having wasted your time. I am sure you feel that this was such a crime. But setting me free won't cost you a dime."

I asked, "How do I let you go?"

He said, "Close your eyes and let out a blow."

I did as he said. But did it work? I opened my eyes to no longer see my foe. A mystery in life that I may never know.

If you plug my mind into a monitor and see everything it plays like a television set does, it would take years to fully watch all the programs. My mind is continuously non stop video that never ends, never pauses, and lacks a rewind button. Multiple programs make up a single unit and there projections come out in my writings, which some can be found in my journal.

http://www.okcupid.com/profile/Phoenixreborn84/journal

Or here: http://phoenixthoughts24.blogspot.com/

I also think about my Spanish class a lot as I am required to pass it and be good at Spanish for employment as a police officer.

Words written on a page
Can't comprehended the destruction of his rage
Trapped deep in the dark within a cage
Waiting to escape and engage
Those who left him here in this cage
A festival for all to see upon life and its stage

A condemned man
Left to rot away in a prison, chains across each hand
Finally has a chance to stand
Suspended above the floor for years, watching dirt blow like sand
Trying to remember what it was like to stand
Feeling the chains dig into each hand
As he struggled to break free and finally touch the land

You don't know suffering until you have suffered
Something many have yet to discovered
Finding embrace in that which keeps them smothered
From the evils haunting this place and the words they uttered

It has taken its toll on his soul
Wondering if he ever had control
If he there was a purpose to paying the toll
A prophecy fulfilled and written on a scroll
By his makers who took the poll
Agreeing upon his ultimate goal
Written somewhere on that scroll
Defining his ultimate role
The missing piece that finally made him whole

Night class. No such thing as a Friday night for me anymore.

Welcome class
I see we have quite the mass
But I am sure you will surpass
My expectations of you in this class
We are here for the gold and not the brass
Your intelligence should be more than a bass
Being tempted by a lure that gives it quite the sass
If not you can leave this class
The door stays closed until the sand runs out in the hourglass
So if you're hungry, you have enough time to eat the outside grass
And make it back in here before I start the class
If you feel like you are going to pass
Some really stinky gas
Go outside now and save us from it or get harass
By the unlucky people who have to smell your gas
Which came from your even stinker ass
In this tightly compact class
If you act up in this class, I will throw out the trash
So be quiet and lets get on with the class

My sorrows are my pain
A heavy heart that sinks with the rain
Winds so strong it will rock you like a hurricane
The torment being quite a drain
On something as complex as my brain
As I dream of her and all I have to gain
When we walk hand and hand into the terrain

She's all I dream about
Each new dream brings me much doubt
The love in my heart undergoing quite the drought
Always unsure if it must live without
Searching for her always like a scout
Hoping someday she will hear my shout
And I can prove to her that I will always be devout

I want to spread my wing
Fly into the sunset during the Spring
Find myself this beautiful thing
Present her with a fine ring
And ask her to make me her king
Striving my hardest to give her everything

I want to know what it is like to be a dad
I want to cry when my child is sad
I want to smile when my child is glad
I want to feel frustration when my child is mad
But more importantly, on my death bed I want to be able to say, “My children where the best I ever had.”

And so into my mind you take a peak
Though if you made it this far you probably have to take a leak
Just remember to clean up if you leave a streak
Others don't like it and will probably freak
Seeing a yellow spot and the smell that it reek

You never could guess which way the river flowed
You just put chains on the heavy heart and towed
It across hoping your muscles didn't end up suffering overload
You even had to pull it with you when it snowed
Worrying that a chain would break every time it began to corrode
The wetness making it even more slippery and your fate looking more lowed
Your only embrace coming from the heart when it glowed
During those late cold nights in the desert that overflowed
With sand when the winds came in and covered the land with its load
Feeling bad when you notice the sand move and out came a toad
Just as cold and lonely as you, it showed
When it looked into your eyes reminded you that this was a lonesome road
And until the heart finds love it must strode
This lonely path unless your heart give in and explode
Bringing an end to a love that didn't get a chance to be bestowed
Upon that priceless girl somewhere out there on this lonesome road

If you message me
Could you see
That I am everything I always wanted to be
In the end I just want it to be we
Not I or you, together we are a soaring tree
Soaring high into the heavens and all would agree
That there is no other place that we could be
Only in each other arms for all to see
And someday the two of us will become three
When a baby is born that forever seals our love and proves that I am quite the devotee
Our love being a fate that we can now foresee