Hi,

I am one of San Francisco's numerous hedonists. It is possible you have seen me around sometime -- I really like being around. I am very good at it.

My life mostly revolves around looking hot, going places and looking hot in them, and being seen looking hot while in places.

Sometimes I like to mix this up with dancing, sleeping an entire day much to the aghast dismay of working society, and doing a lot of drugs. Well, *I* don't think it's a lot of drugs, but everyone else seems to, and what am I if not the sum of what people quietly and scornfully judge me to be?

I also occasionally enjoy demonstrating extremely questionable life skills in regard to how much alcohol to drink for being as old as I am, though this makes me a lot less hot. Mostly it makes me slutty and embarrassing for others to be around, so there's been a bit less of that lately, because I'd like there to be places I'm not humiliated to walk into when I want to go out, and something being able to humiliate me is really saying something.

Mystifying myself on a daily basis as to how I manage to make rent and eat each month.

Actually, that's not true; my schedule is so fucked up that I generally have no idea what day it is or if one has passed, let alone if a new month has dawned. It's very disorienting, and while this sometimes makes me sad, laying around in bed in a onesie makes up for it.

Being blonde. I REALLY love being blonde. I can and will happily talk to you for about an hour about this, but I promise to shut up if you ask me to. If you don't think this is something someone actively does with their life, you've probably never tried it. It's a lifestyle, baby.

Dressing in very little clothing.

Dressing in more than very little clothing, but in exchange in clothing that has lots of little cut-outs or lewd words on it.

Perhaps hand in unsettlingly sweaty-palmed hand with that, being kinda slutty*.

Vying for and receiving sexual attention, like when a seal barks and is rewarded with a tasty herring or tuna or whatever the fuck it is you feed seals.

Performing oral sex.

Living a life that, were I to read about it on a stranger's profile on the internet, would cause me to believe it were just some underage/senior citizen's wank fodder given life on OkCupid.

*Just because I am undeniably a slut doesn't mean I want you to slide your wiener inside me; a lot of wieners have been inside me, why should yours be special and worth my time?

My supernatural ability to tolerate the cold weather of San Francisco while wearing as little as possible.

In line with that, cleavage, but never enough cleavage. I will *never* be able to show enough cleavage.

My pretty, ridiculously over-blue or violet eyes, because apparently I want to look like either a doll or a Targaryen all the time.

I used to have a huge list here, where I spent a lot of time linking to various artists and books and whatever. In retrospect, that's pretty boring.

Succinctly: I don't really read anymore because there's the Internet, but like everyone else I read books when I was little and I am indeed capable of waxing nostalgic about them with you. This isn't the place, though. Also, I probably don't want to.

I watch a lot of porn and sometimes HBO/Cinemax/whatever television series...es, and I eat anything that's vegetarian and good.

When it comes to music, I really don't care so long as I can dance to it. I love feel-good electropop. If you can't stand, say, Ke$ha, for whatever reason (be it the glitter, the attitude, or the music), you can mark that as a musical incompatibility. I have exceptionally "good" taste in music and can easily list off talented and esoteric groups that I enjoy, but ultimately I just don't really care about whether or not something is crap; I care if it is fun. Circlejerks about fancy music kind of bore me at this point in my life, and if there's going to be a circlejerk I want to be the one playing the part of the cracker (or biscuit, if you're from the UK -- never let it be said I'm not culturally sensitive).

My friends and loved ones, makeup, cosmetic surgery, confidence, pretty people, and sex.

If this list seems pretty shallow and you want to scold me for being shallow in San Francisco, I promise someone else has already got around to it.

Close runners-up:
My trout pout, a smartphone, oral sex *specifically*, a really warm and blankety nest-like bed with a wall I can hide against, blonde stereotypes.

Sex with my lover(s), what I'm going to use to inject my lips with next (Juvederm? Perlane? PMMA?! excitement), getting my butt or boobs or nose done or whatever, whether or not I should buy yet another onesie (I don't yet have one in zebra print), and other hard-pressing issues that I'm certain must distress most of the world at large on a day to day basis.

Just kidding. I don't really spend a lot of time thinking about anything at all; if I did, though, it'd probably be those things.

Well, on any night, really, there's a total of four options:

I could be out dancing somewhere or eating out with friends or a date.

I could be out at a bar or club, maybe being a hot mess and making poor life decisions.

I might be having literally mind-numbing sex, by which I genuinely mean "literally," because what with all the asphyxiaphilia I'm pretty sure I'm coming out dumber than before each time.

Or maybe it's none of these things, and I'm just lazing around in my house in my aforementioned adult pajamas that were originally designed for children.

I never know if I'm serious or not. This has increasingly more drastic or terrifying consequences the more you think about it, which I never do, because who cares about consequences?

I will never stop being a surely fictional character.

While I'm not really looking to hit it with anyone, my libido overrides my common sense a lot of the time, so you should feel free to ignore that. If that is what you're looking for, though, you need to come to me with a clean bill of health that's recent to within a month. STDs aren't sexy at all, and if I got one I would be a sad panda.

Or, you want to go out and party without sex stuff. It's always nice to have someone fun to be seen with or someone to alternatively watch your back or push you into making bad but fun decisions.

If you value the merits of chosen, man-made and perfect aesthetics via fillers and medical science over the hamfisted random lot that chance has given you or others. Put another way, if you dislike cosmetic surgery or other similar alterations, we will not get along *at all*.

Are you a blonde girl? Being blonde is near and dear to my heart, so maybe you could be too.

You could also just write me because you are a pretty girl who likes to be very, very mean to other pretty girls in particularly cruel and degrading ways.

You should definitely write me if you are also vaguely disturbingly obsessed with being a pretty pretty, oh so pretty dolly.

Or maybe if you have some other enticing proposition for me.

Please do NOT message me if you would like to talk about queer activism related stuff. If the fact I have this written here puts you off, consider it a preemptive discovery that saves us both irritation.

Also, call me shallow, but please don't write me if you're not hot. I know I have things like "new friends" listed, but even when it doesn't involve dating, I really only like being friends with people that are awesome to look at.