Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I am one of San Francisco's numerous hedonists. It is possible you
have seen me around sometime -- I really like being around. I am
very good at it.
My life mostly revolves around looking hot, going places and
looking hot in them, and being seen looking hot while in
Sometimes I like to mix this up with dancing, sleeping an entire
day much to the aghast dismay of working society, and doing a lot
of drugs. Well, *I* don't think it's a lot of drugs, but everyone
else seems to, and what am I if not the sum of what people quietly
and scornfully judge me to be?
The picture I'm painting is one that's intentionally
tongue-in-cheek, but it's not exactly an inaccurate one, either. I
am an unabashed libertine, and I seek out that in life which is
pleasurable for me so long as it doesn't hurt others. Sometimes
this is drug-fueled orgies that last over a day, sometimes it's
sitting around with close friends playing some European-style
boardgame, and sometimes it's laying around in a onesie playing
video games. I like to party, but I can't party every day. Quality,
not quantity. Incidentally, this extends to my sex life as
Well, at least these days.
I am, actually, looking for someone (female) to date, but please
understand that I am very, extremely, enormously low-maintenance in
terms of relationships. If you need to process things often, get
upset easily over things outside your control, or expect to be
highly emotional or dramatic, we are not a match in that regard. We
can still screw around if you're hot, though; it's cool.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Having fun. I don't really care about accomplishing anything that
changes the world, because as far as my consciousness is concerned,
once I'm dead, so is everybody and everything else. I would rather
use the short, fleeting time I have with this body to do things
that are enjoyable to me.
REALLY love being blonde. I can and will happily talk to you for
about an hour about this, but I promise to shut up if you ask me
to, probably. If you don't think this is something someone actively
does with their life, you've probably never tried it. It's a
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Dressing in very little clothing.
Dressing in more than very little clothing, but in exchange in
clothing that has lots of little cut-outs or lewd words on
Perhaps hand in unsettlingly sweaty-palmed hand with that, being
Vying for and receiving sexual attention, like when a seal barks
and is rewarded with a tasty herring or tuna or whatever it is you
feed seals. Seal-food, I guess. Can't get enough of that shit,
Living a life that, were I to read about it on a stranger's profile
on the internet, would cause me to believe it were just some
underage/senior citizen's wank fodder given life on
*Just because I am undeniably a slut doesn't mean I want you to
slide your wiener inside me; a lot of wieners have been inside me,
why should yours be special and worth my time?
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My supernatural ability to tolerate the cold weather of San
Francisco while wearing as little as possible.
In line with that, cleavage, but never enough cleavage, because in
fact I will *never* be able to show enough cleavage.
My pretty, ridiculously over-blue or violet eyes, because
apparently I want to look like either a doll or a Targaryen all the
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
I used to have a huge list here, where I spent a lot of time
linking to various artists and books and whatever. In retrospect,
that's pretty boring.
Succinctly: I don't really read anymore because there's the
Internet, but like everyone else I read books when I was little and
I am indeed capable of waxing nostalgic about them with you. This
isn't the place, though. Also, I probably don't want to.
I watch a bit of porn and sometimes HBO/Cinemax/whatever television
series...es, and I eat anything that's vegetarian and good.
When it comes to music, I really don't care so long as I can dance
to it. I love feel-good electropop, including crap like Ke$ha, and
while I could sit and go on and on about my more esoteric music
tastes (and I really could go super self-indulgently wanky about
it), I'd rather just skip that and get down to something enjoyable.
I love house and most other EDM, and in terms of the Bay Area, I
tend to be at events featuring the Space Cowboys, Pink Mammoth, the
Dusty Rhino, etc.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
My friends and loved ones, makeup, cosmetic surgery, confidence,
pretty people, and sex.
If this list seems pretty shallow and you want to scold me for
being shallow in San Francisco, I promise someone else has already
got around to it.
My trout pout, a smartphone, a really warm and blankety nest-like
bed with a wall I can hide against like some kind of fucking rat,
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Sex with my lover(s), what I'm going to use to inject my lips with
next (Juvederm? Perlane? PMMA?! excitement), getting my butt or
boobs or nose done or whatever, whether or not I should buy yet
another onesie (I don't yet have one in zebra print), and other
hard-pressing issues that I'm certain must distress most of the
world at large on a day to day basis.
Just kidding. I don't really spend a lot of time thinking about
anything at all; if I did, though, it'd probably be those things.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Well, on any night, really, there's a total of four options:
I could be out dancing somewhere or eating out with friends or a
I could be out at a bar or club, probably making poor life
I might be having literally mind-numbing sex, by which I genuinely
mean "literally," because what with all the asphyxiaphilia I'm
pretty sure I'm coming out dumber than before each time -- it's
okay though, it feels good enough to be worth it. Poor David
Carradine, but hey, I feel where he was coming from.
Or maybe it's none of these things, and I'm just lazing around in
my house in my aforementioned adult pajamas that were originally
designed for children, watching season 4 of Misfits.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I never know if I'm serious or not. This has increasingly more
drastic or terrifying consequences the more you think about it,
which I never do, because who cares about consequences?
I will never stop being a surely fictional character.
You may have noticed I don't really drink -- I don't care if you
drink. I don't care if you get super wasted, even; I was just
blacking out too much, so I decided had to stop, but rest assured
that sobriety is not a 'thing' for me.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
Are you a blonde girl? Being blonde is near and dear to my heart,
so maybe you could be too.
Are you shallow? Thank god I'm not alone! Let's be BFFs and debate
the merits of the various placements for tanning bed
If you value the merits of chosen, man-made and perfect aesthetics
via fillers and medical science over the hamfisted random lot that
chance has given you or others. Put another way, if you dislike
cosmetic surgery or other similar alterations, we will not get
along *at all*.
You could also just write me because you are a pretty girl who
likes to be very, very mean to other pretty girls in particularly
cruel and degrading ways.
You should definitely write me if you are also vaguely disturbingly
obsessed with being a pretty pretty, oh so pretty dolly.
Or maybe if you have some other enticing proposition for me.
You should NOT message me if:
You would like to talk about queer (or frankly, any) activism
related stuff. If the fact I have this written here puts you off,
consider it a preemptive discovery that saves us both irritation.
If "social justice" is a daily-use buzzword, please leave me alone.
I have what I feel to be very, very well-grounded and reasons for
this, but I *probably* don't want to discuss them - negativity does
not make for enjoyable conversation.
You think sapiosexuality is a 'thing'. Also, if you're really into
that John Waters quote, where he talks about how books need to be
cool again, and if you go to someone's house and they don't have
books, don't fuck them? As far as you need to be concerned, if
books show up in my house, I burn them. Thanks.
Also, as per aforementioned shallowness, please don't write me if
you're not hot. I know I have things like "new friends" listed, but
even when it doesn't involve dating, I really only like being
friends with people that are awesome to look at. Real talk.
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.