-Recipes for Disaster
-House of 1,000 Corpses
-Trailer Park Boys
-Unseasoned knowledge with a side of raw octopus.
Do not message me if...
-you're just looking for another victim in your polyamorous game of weiners. Polyamory is fucked and I want no part of it.
-you've shaved one side of your head (both sides are fine as long as it's a legit mohawk or a Tank Girl cut).
-you refer to tattoos as "ink".
- you over use emojis.
-you find full on homeless man beards an acceptable substitution for an actual personality...actually if you're one of those women who are just obsessed with bearded douche bag hipsters/"lumber-sexuals" then hit the bricks. I don't want anything to do with you.
-you're obsessed with the Internet. I realize it's hypocritical to say this on a dating website, but I despise the Internet as a whole and I wish it would be destroyed.
-you're not within my age bracket. I'm not a baby sitter.
-you wear saggy smurf hats or leggings as pants. Leggings aren't pants, you look half dressed and no it's not sexy.
-you use words like "selfie" "yolo" "swag" "hubby" or "bae".
-you expect me to be your sugar daddy and spoil you. No material girls. That doesn't mean I won't spoil you if you deserve it.
-you do the duckface or that thing were you push your lips to one side of your face in any of your pictures. For fuck sake, just smile and be comfortable with your face.
-you hate cats and/or dogs.
-you hate video games.
-you refuse to play in the snow. I'm all about winter and winter sports like snowboarding and ice skating. If you refuse to hitthe mountain with me it won't work out.
-you listed your phone, computer and/or the Internet under the 6 things you can't do with out.
-you're some variant of hippy/hipster/scumbag/redneck/juggalo/douchesack/furry/ghetto/tranny/nickleback or country fan.
-you're a slut. Plain and simple.
-you're some overly sensitive "punk" feminazi social justice moron who gets offended about every little thing.
-you're not some vegan nutjob who thinks anyone who eats meat and dairy are "oppressive". Man didn't climb to the top of the food chain to just eat plants.
-you're one of those groups of people who think I have to accept you for who you are. I don't have to accept shit. You have to accept yourself and that's it, but if you can't fit into your airplane seat then yes, you SHOULD be ashamed and do something about it before you kill yourself...or you know, just kill yourself. But stop preaching this acceptance bullshit. Tolerance and acceptance are two different things and I'm running out of tolerance for you people.
Other than that I'm an open book that's banned from high school libraries due to foul language and adult undertones, but hey if you fit the demographic feel free to shoot me a message.