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Polychotomy

40 M San Jose, CA

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
6′ 1″ (1.85m)
Body Type
Average
Diet
Strictly anything
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Religion
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Sign
Aquarius, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Dropped out of university
Job
Management
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Mostly monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Pets
Speaks
English (Fluently)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm a mallet-chinned, steely-eyed renegade with a roguish grin and a talking ocelot perched on my shoulder. Or maybe I'm just a fun-loving goofball with a penchant for off-color humor, puns. arguing politics and maintaining, against all odds, a spark of child-like wonder.

I'm a lefty in both handedness and politics. I'm not materialistic. I've lived my whole life in or somewhat near San Jose, though I've had my travels (ask me about Pamplona and/or Paris if you fancy an epic saga or two.)

I'm the youngest of five. Give me the attention I crave, dammit!

I tend to only "fall" for women that I can be good friends and laugh with.

I am not afraid of gingers.

I am a total night owl. Coffee is the nectar of life. Bailey's is the ambrosia you stir into the nectar of life. I really should get more sleep.

Slow to anger, quick to respond to wit. . .hopefully I respond to wit with wit, but not always. I respond though. So there.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Trying to fit in some recreational (perhaps more?) writing around working very hard at a job that both appreciates me greatly and doesn't appreciate me enough.

Just because the word "Poly" appears in my username does not mean that I am poly. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's just not me. Just thought I'd make that disclaimer.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
After long experimentation, I believe I just perfected my El Pastor sauce for pork or chicken (or tofu/mushroom/squash for the vegetarians out there,) burritos.

Emitting heat like a mobile furnace.

According to a friend: Walking with determination and purpose even when I am temporarily lost.

Eating my veggies, making bad puns, arguing politics, playing card games of all sorts, Foosball and cooking. I love to experiment and play in the kitchen. I like to have an expansive spice cabinet. I am a whore for hot 'n spicy food.

My usual cooking modus operandi is to take some bad-for-you comfort food and then add a bunch of nutritious goodies. I make cookies with quinoa flour, for example.

What I am apparently NOT good at is writing a brief profile. . .
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
A voice that carries whether I want it to or not. Bad puns.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: I am a Sci-Fi/Fantasy Geek. It's probably easier to just list my favorite authors. Roger Zelazny, Ursula K. LeGuin, Stephen Brust, Robert Heinlein, Isaac Asimov, Gene Wolfe, Terry Pratchett, Douglas Adams, Spider Robinson, Michael Moorcock, John Varley and many many more.

Movies: Comedies always stick with me longest. Standouts include: This is Spinaltap; The Princess Bride; The various Monty Python Movies. You get the idea. Also fond of the works of Jackie Chan and Bruce Lee, the Marx Brothers, Japanese Anime (redundant, I know.)

Music: Radiohead, The Beatles, The Eels, Beirut, Jonathan Coulton, Gary Jules, Tori Amos, They Might Be Giants, The Pillows, Nellie McKay, Van Canto (no, not really that last one. But they may be the most unintentionally amusing music group of all time. If you need a chuckle, listen to them. Go on. What are you waiting for? Do you not like to chuckle? What's wrong with you?)
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
Garlic and Hot pepper/chiles
Access to stimulating information, be it politics, science or trivia
shared laughter
Coffee
A book to read myself to sleep with.
My Kitchenaid Mixer. That thing is like the Harley Davidson of kitchen appliances. Except it never breaks down.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Yarn theory. It's like string theory but fluffier and more colorful. Also, kittens can't resist it. Plus it accounts for the spontaneous disappearance of socks.

Why OKCupid just asked me three questions about masturbation in a row. OK CUPID, GET OUT OF MY HEAD!

Cognitive dissonance. Hypocrisy. Hyperbole. Hyperbole is probably the worst thing in the history of the Universe. It's just bad. Like listening to "Friday" while suffering from The Plague bad. Bad.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Existing. Or not. You won't know until you open the box
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm not bad. I was just genetically engineered this way.

Okay, tell me if this is weird: When I click on a profile and I see three or more pics where the expression and pose for the camera are almost identical, I get creeped the f*ck out.

I am deathly ticklish.

I like big butts.

I once streaked a miniature golf course. Yelling, "The British are coming!!"
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 26–44
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
None of the items listed below are meant to be absolute requirements. Well, except for the duckface one. And even then I can make an exception if it was intended ironically.

- You like big, beautiful noses.

-You are not committing duckface in your profile. Please. Don't do it. You're better than that.

You have a photo in your profile of you eating. Why? Because I find those are usually the most candid and honest-to-life pictures. Sometimes I'm kinda creeped out when I look at a profile and there are 17 pictures all with the exact same expression. Then again, that may just be because I'm weird.

-You didn't find it necessary to fudge the truth in your profile.

-You can look beyond my sheer physical attractiveness in order to get to know the person inside.

-You are a proud nerd, geek or whimsical eccentric--with an emphasis on the proud and having at least a soupçon of style.

-The idea of a cardboard box fort still appeals to you.

-You figure the best defense against a bad pun is to top it. Or to lay into me with a broom or similar non-lethal blunt object.

-You can best me at cards.

-You look good in a hat. I have a weakness for women with cool hats. And tall women. Don't even get me started on tall women in hats. But not tall hats. That's just silly.

-You appreciate the difference between brain teasers and mind-games. You can enjoy being the straight man (person) or the comic relief. You enjoy a modicum of mischief. You're not easily embarrassed. You can give and take solid criticism.