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30 Alameda, CA Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 24–34
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 9:10am
White, Other
6′ 3″ (1.90m)
Body type
Strictly anything
Agnosticism, and laughing about it
Working on university
Rather not say
Doesn’t have kids, but might want them
Likes dogs
English (Poorly), Russian (Poorly), French (Poorly), Japanese (Poorly), Portuguese (Poorly)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I love to smile, eat food, and laugh! Just look at all the things we have in common already. OH, OH, and fun! I bet we really enjoy fun.

Welcome to my profile, where I have posted pleasing photos of myself with critically acclaimed captions, attempted to demonstrate intellect and education via these carefully phrased, grammatically uncorrect, and excessively verbose self-summaries; subtly asserted that I am well-read and current with popular culture through an abundance of vague references, crafted phrases to demonstrate my masculinity and vulnerability through a thin veil of comedy, and am now going even deeper with meta-commentary on the absurdity of online dating, the implausibility of accurate self-description, and nearly acceptable satire of this giant run-on sentence as proof that I am relatively self-aware and possess a sense of irony.

The glass is half full, and there's even room for more.

The profile is long, but receives rave reviews.

Jack of all trades, master of one.

Russian born, Bay raised.

ENFP for what it's worth.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
The Wide Lens:
Finding the balance.
Automotive career happily in the rearview, now back in college doing my pre-med undergrad for an eventual physical therapy doctorate.

Still settling into Alameda and trying to remember how I ever managed to survive on a student's budget the first time.
Refusing to eat the apple of cynicism like so many do at this age.
Feeling excited by the prospect of meeting nice and happy women here who exist outside the reach of my widest social circles.
Enjoying being a dork and the little things more than ever.
Fighting to retain that childlike spark of wonder.

Feeling eternally grateful for having won the cosmic lottery when my consciousness was lucky enough to take hold of this human form, in this incredible time and location, with such an amazing string of people to be inspired by, learn from, and laugh with.

Purpose and Identity:
I'm a nice person and I like nice people.

Passionate about my work and excited for the future;
I'm looking forward to the day I can start helping people restore themselves, and am leaning towards pediatrics after last semester's interviews with practicing physical therapists. I can't think of anything more rewarding than the prospect of helping tiny patients regain or create an ability to move freely.

Adjusting to an income roughly 80k shy of what I grew accustomed to, which has forced me to realize how much of my identity was wrapped up in being the breadwinner. Wealth has always been a weak motivator for me, but I do miss the freedom that money brought. At the same time, I actually enjoy playing the budgeting game now, and due to that introspection (re my new identity), have reached an awareness of who I am and what I'm about that runs deeper than I've ever felt before.

Failing to keep up with my four-legged lightning bolt April on the trails when I get to steal her away from her happy new home on Sundays. The short story is, I couldn't find a place that allows dogs in time for school, so my amazing friend and his adorable daughters were watching her in the meantime. ..but a month later as I was watching them climb all over her while giggling and laughing in the cutest way possible, it dawned on me: "Of course.. they already love her.." And I realized that even when I did get that new place, there's no way I could take her away from them. So now, every time I open the front door and don't get attacked with licks, I miss her. But at the same time, I'm happy she didn't have to wait for me.

Enjoying social sports - grown up kickball has no business being this fun. I always start out with a "the score is fun-to-fun, guys!" attitude and end up with my war-face on, playing to win.

Disclaimer: hyperlinks abound below. Sorry mobile users.
2014 American Ninja Warrior star (don't laugh)!
Update: Submission video complete! Fingers crossed...
Update: They picked me! I'm going on the show!
Update: I failed!

I knew going into this after only 6 months of training that I was still not even close to the level of the veteran ninjas, so my goal was just to not make any serious mental mistakes and go as far as my body could take me.

Still, I was pretty bummed after falling off that Rolling Wheel of Misfortune. And then it was almost made worse when they invited me to come back the next night and I completed every other obstacle as an official course tester. So I definitely could have cleared the course if I had made it past that wheel.. BUT in failing and coming back to test the other obstacles multiple times for the production team, I got 10x the amount of experience I would have if I had succeeded as a competitor. Then they also invited me to test in Denver and Vegas! So this way I am clearly much better off for next year - even more so than if I had completed the course! I really think it all worked out for the best.

Update(10/14): apparently I'm getting good at this or something because Apex Movement Concord hired me as a Ninja Trainer! Which is without question the coolest job title I will ever have.

2015 Update:
Submission video completed! It didn't turn out how I wanted it to, but fingers crossed NBC still loves me enough to call!

Update (2/28/2015):
Darkness reigns. Hope gurgles out its dying breath. I lay in the fetal position, next to the phone. The phone which does not ring. All is lost. All is lost.

Update (3/1/2015):
Made plans with some other ninjas to camp out in the walk on line! It'll mean talking 7 days off school and work to stand in a parking lot somewhere, but we will still get our shot on that course. The Venice qualifiers start in just 12 days!

I got to run!
Watch me on your TV June 1st WOOOOOO
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.

"dad jokes"
Reading you
Making out
Making dinner
Humbleness lol
Visual thinking
Settling Catan
Keeping Secrets
Seeing both sides
Bursting my bubble
Anything automotive
Buying cars in the dark
The Scandinavian Flick
Fixin things aint broke yet
Using proper grammar
Living in the moment
High fiving horse cops
Impromptu pillow forts
Involuntary belly laughs
Swimming at four days old
Opening that jar of pickles
Inspiring friends to come out
Blurting out half-formed ideas
Listing things I'm really good at
Smashing glass and taking credit
Knowing which way is West; if past
lives exist I was a definitely compass
Spontaneous adventures to nowhere
Pretending alliteration ain't annoying
Losing my voice from cheering too hard
Knowing when the microwave will go off
Complimenting people behind their backs
Keeping my mind so open my brains fall out
Getting captivated by barbershop aquariums
Filling out patient forms with unnecessary sass
Lighting candles instead of cursing the darkness
Imitating the penmanship of an epileptic sea turtle
Self deprecating without losing, like, any confidence lol
Arranging line lengths to resemble half a Christmas tree.
Removing flash drives with a devil-may-care attitude
Accidentally spending five hours on YouTube
Being born in Russia to American parents
Stabbing the roof of my mouth
with tortilla chip fragments
Neck massages
Being humble
Being modest
Really bad at:
Remembering if
I took my vitamins
today. If I were a girl
I'd be pregnant a lot..
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Personality: my boundless exuberance, whiteness, hearty laugh, almost too affable, extra modest, the wheels are turning, that I just did something spontaneous, sprinkles of wit or wisdom here and there

Appearance: my height, whiteness, probable gigantic smile, about 180lbs big teeth kinda gangly, the golden aura, that I just tripped and fell, facial features chiseled from the finest Greek granite

Other: they say I smell fantastic
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
These aren't finished or in order but I'm confident you'll get over it

Cake, CCR, Coeur de Pirate, Qotsa, John Lee Hooker, Radiohead, The Heavy, Interpol, Did You Get Over It Yet, Gambino, Atmosphere, Christina Aguilerira, How About Now Are You Over It Now, Ratatat, Beatles, Beach boys, The Black Keys, the list could go on - including some really cool brand new underground stuff you've probably never heard of 'cuz you're so mainstream and I'm so cool (obvi) but whatevs not like i care

NPR podcasts, TED talks, xkcd, SciShow, Ninja Warrior (obvi), Imgur, Zen Pencils, Live comedy & performance art, I will inevitably get sucked into any nature show or documentary, and I've forgotten more about Survivor than you will ever know.

Fall leaves crunching under my feet, shoving that first giant piece of sushi all the way into my mouf, the crackling of a warm wood fire, laying under the stars on an unfamiliar beach, the satisfaction felt after fixing something broken, rounding the bend to see blue in the distance and rolling down the windows to smell all that fresh ocean air, watching the tide roll in beneath a setting sun and dodging airborne seagull poo, the period at the end of a well-worded, super modest list.

When I was a kid I loved milk and cereal at night, now I like to use wine instead of milk (try it!) and then also instead of cereal I like to use wine.

Speed bumps are probably my least favorite thing

And I graciously spared you from the pics of me doing my absolute favorite thing that no other guys ever do: petting sedated tigers while simultaneously rock climbing and skydiving over Machu Picchu. You're welcome.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1) Laughter and Optimism

2) Skill and Growth

3) Duty, Altruism, Love

4) Apple bottom jeans,
5, 6) Boots with the furr
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
What kind of person I would be if I was born into a different environment.. That usually means some variety of ancient foreign culture. Mayan Alex was a perspicacious philanthropic stargazer who used excessively large words to describe himself (wow did I just hit 4th person?). Roman Alex established a lucrative prostitution palace and was stabbed to death in Caesarean fashion when the baths ran out of scented soap. Japanese Alex, contrary to popular belief, was not a ninja but a samurai. He walked the Bushido path and died while attempting to dethrone the Shogun Emperor at the age of six.

Is my experience of consciousness the same as yours?

How much different dating will be when we use a Yelp-style app.

What a girl wants, what a girl needs

And of course, clever things I should have said.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
A) You laugh when you fall down
B) You value learning over looking smart
C) You follow your heart, but take your brain with you

Q: "What are you looking for on OKC?"
A: At this stage of my life there's a lot going on all at once, so I'm primarily searching for fun local activity partners. But if I connect with someone and it evolves to something deeper, hey, no complaints.

Those looking for more super serious answers should peruse my questions section; I did my best to answer thoughtfully, honestly, and keep it free from sarcasm. But since you're reading this sentence, you clearly have enormous patience for my main page smartassery and probably don't take yourself that seriously either. As an adorable elderly couple once told me, "Life can get out of balance sometimes, but if we keep a sense of humour about it all, everything (including relationships) will still feel fun while we're falling."

And the fact that you've somehow made it to the end of this weighty tome means we must have even(!) more in common than just liking food and fun. So come on, throw me a message immediately (if not sooner). What's the best that could happen?