1. "I have two kids and they mean the world to me."
Frankly I find it a little disturbing when people say in their profiles that their children mean the world to them. Do they live in a world where people don't love their kids dearly? I do not want to go to that world. I want to stay in my world where loving your kids is the default, and if by chance you don't love your kids then that is noteworthy. Bring that up in, say, your first message to me.
2. "I love Jesus."
I do love Jesus but don't think Christians have the corner on Truth. I think all religions are doing their best to understand the Divine in their own way and God reveals himself to people in the way that he thinks they can understand him.
But that is a little heavy for an online dating profile, I guess.
3. "I'm laid back/easy-going."
I speak five languages. I've lived in Germany, France, Japan and China. I have a great job. I did not get here by being laid back. I'm not uptight but I am ... intense. Sometimes. In a charming, smart, sweet way. Really.
It would be so awesome if you would hand me a glass of wine right now.