Ah! You've arrived...

Welcome to my 'self summary'. This is version 7.0 if anyone's counting. I call it 'WINDOWS INTO MY WORLD'. It's the kind of summary that lets you peek voyeuristicly into my world...for a few seconds...then I yank the drapes on you and call 911.

"Hi 911? Yeah...there's this weird lady peeking into my windows self summary. I think she's casing the joint..."

If you're like me you've switched versions of your self summary many times with mixed results. My comedic version got the best reviews. Apparently I'm strong in the humor department.
So this version is a kind of a return to that with a large helping of sarcasm due to lack of sleep.

I should probably let you peek at version 6.5 below, which is the (more or less) straight-forward version. It sucks. Don't even bother reading it. Very boring. It sounds boring even to me. Here it is if you gotta know...

"I'm an honorably discharged Air Force veteran, father of three wonderful daughters, a jack-of-all-trades renaissance guy with no criminal background, drug free and alcohol free (since forever) and a local artist who has worked many different kinds of day-jobs over the years to support his family. I love solving new problems and researching various subjects. I'm also an artist-cartoonist-painter-digital graphics specialist & web designer."

Gag me with a car commercial. I hate that guy. What a loser.
If I wanted a good love life I should be the opposite of all the above. Here's what that would look like...

"I'm a dishonorably discharged malcontent who goes from one vice to another and ignores his kids, works as a mechanic so he can work on his motorcycle after hours, hates the cops and pals around with losers. Buy me booze and drugs and I'll hang out with you for awhile."

Makes you weak in the knees donut?

So here's the part of my self summary 7.0 that helps you ladies decide what kind of a good guy you want. Feel free to take notes.

GUYS GENERALLY FALL INTO ONE OF THE THREE CATEGORIES LISTED BELOW...

1. NICE (Boy Scout, No criminal background, normal upbringing, dependable, healthy).
2. INTERESTING (Macho, physically fit, smart, active, personable, socially adept, accomplished).
3. RICH (Monetarily successful, celebrity status, to the manor born).

YOU CAN PICK ANY TWO OF THE ABOVE CATEGORIES...

1. NICE and INTERESTING won't be RICH (Jack Dawson, Westley, George Bailey).
2. INTERESTING and RICH won't be NICE. (Rhett Butler, Rick Blaine, Mr. Darcy).
3. NICE and RICH won't be INTERESTING (Edward Lewis, Joe Fox, Christopher Marshall).

I am NICE and INTERESTING. If you're looking for RICH, good luck. Although I've recently started another side business and my prospects are good, don't count on any trips to Europe or gift-wrapped cars or bling from Jared anytime soon.

I am an ARTIST (SEE: Jack Dawson).
I am DEPENDABLE (SEE: Westley).
I am RESPONSIBLE (SEE: George Bailey)

I'm looking for a lady who's like me as I am now. Smart, responsible and tired of being alone with all this wealth of good character.

Now...go back to the photo section (cause you checked that out first) and see if I'm all that.
(Just FYI - I snuck in some of my art. See if you can spot it.)

I'M JUST LEAVING THIS PART AS-IS...

"I'm an artist with a day job at night driving limo. This allows me a chance to meet hundreds of nice people and many celebrities. I work the art thing around my ever-changing schedule. I have dozens of cool projects on the back burner in various states of development. My new dot-com business is currently on the front burner."

Art, Theoretical physics (long story),
Writing, poetry, song writing, political cartooning, website development, self-summary development.

I'm tall.
I have hair.
I have a disc jockey voice.
I look like somebody's dad.
I am somebody's dad.
I give dad lectures.

BOOKS: The Bible, Brief History of the Universe, DUNE, The Talisman, The Jungle by Upton Sinclair, anything by A.E. Van Vogt, Edgar Rice Burroughs, Mark twain, Charles Dickens, Cervantes, Aristotle, Homer.

MOVIES:
THE TOP TEN:
1. It's a Wonderful life (1946)
2. Mystery Men (1999)
3. DUNE (1984)
4. The Warriors (1979)
5. They Live (1988)
6. Pennies From Heaven (1981)
7. Casablanca (1942)
8. Forbidden Planet (1956)
9. The Wizard of Oz (1939)
10. The Family Man (2000)

THE NOTABLE LIST - by GENRE...

1. CONTEMPORARY: Rocky, The Godfather, Taxi Driver, McQ,
2. ROMANTIC: Heaven Can Wait, Sleepless in Seattle, You've Got Mail, Enchanted,
3. SCI-FI: Star Wars, Bladerunner, Galaxy Quest, This Island Earth, Earth vs. The Flying Saucers, Five Million Years to Earth, Metropolis, Close Encounters, Star Trek,
4. FANTASY GENRE: Willow, Lord of the Rings, Darby O'Gill and the Little People, The 5000 fingers of Dr. T, Indiana Jones,
5. HISTORICAL: Ben Hur, Spartacus (1960), Gladiator, The Robe, 300 Spartans (1962), The Bible,
6. MILITARY: Saving Private Ryan, The Longest Day, Apocalypse Now,
7. CGI: Antz, Shrek, The Incredibles, How to train your Dragon. A Bugs Life,
8. WESTERN: High Noon, The Good-the Bad and the Ugly, Once upon a time in the West, Unforgiven, Gone with the Wind,
9. HORROR: Something Wicked This Way Comes, Dracula, Frankenstein, The Wolfman, The Creature From The Black Lagoon, The Blob, The Birds, The Rocking Horse Winner,
10. COMEDY: It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World, Airplane, History of the World, Young Frankenstein, Blazing Saddles, Ducksoup, Animal House,
11. CARTOON: Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Pinocchio, The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, Fantasia,
12. CULT: Rocky Horror Picture Show, Plan 9 From Outer Space,

TELEVISION: The Lost Room, The Invaders, The Man From U.N.C.L.E., Law & Order, Addams Family, Star Trek,

SHOWS: Anything Goes, Young Frankenstein,

MUSIC:
50's - Buddy Holly, Bill Haley & the Comets, Elvis, The Everly Bros,

60'S - The Moody Blues, The Ventures, The Zombies, The Turtles, The Beatles, The Yardbirds, The Count Five, Peter, Paul & Mary, The T-Bones, Jan & Dan, Simon & Garfunkel, The Wailers, The Doors, The Hollies, Brenten Wood, The Dixie Cups,

70'S - Steve Miller Band, Wings, Boston, Led Zepellin, Ram Jam,

80'S - The B-52's, Talking Heads, DEVO, The Cure, Dire Straits,
Wings, The Go-Gos, The Roaches,

90'S - Smash Mouth, Nirvana, Young MC,

2000+- Thievery Corporation (Forgotten People), Princess Chelsea ('The Cigarette Duet'),

SOUL - James Brown (Papa Don't Take No Mess), Smokey Robinson, Marvin Gaye, Sam & Dave,

INSTRU-SURF - The Penetrators (Redlined, Checkpoint Echo, Last of the V-8 Interceptors), The Tormentos (Dragstrip Night), The Revels (Comanche, Intoxica, Dead Man's Stroll),

COUNTRY - Hank Williams Sr, Roger Miller, Johnny Cash, Flatt & Scruggs,

CLASSICAL - Khatchaturian (Masquerade Suite), Tchaikovsky, Strauss, Rimsky Korsakov (Antar Symphonic suite #9).
Beethoven, Brahms, Mozart, Telemann, Ravel (Bolero), Wagner, Jean Sibelius (Finlandia),

JAZZ - Louis Armstrong, John Coltrane, Dave Brubeck, any smooth jazz,

SWING - Benny Goodman, Cab Calloway, Glen Miller, Tommy Dorsey.

FOLK - Peter, Paul & Mary, Woody Guthrie, Arlo Guthrie,

SUGGESTED YOUTUBE OLDIES LIST:
1. YOU BABY - THE TURTLES
2. I GO TO PIECES - PETER & GORDON
3. LATE DATE - THE PARKAYS
4. THE ROCKIN R'S - NAMELESS
5. ROCK YOUR BABY - GEORGE MCCRAE
6. I'M GONNA GET YOU YET - THE DIXIE CUPS
7. FROM THE BEGINNING - EMERSON,LAKE&PALMER
8. MERCURY BLUES - STEVE MILLER
9. SHE'S COME UNDONE - GUESS WHO
10. SUMMERTIME - BILLY STEWART
11. YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE - NANCY SINATRA
12. LET IT ALL HANG OUT - THE HOMBRES
13. YOU WERE ON MY MIND - WE FIVE
14. WASHINGTON SQUARE - THE VILLAGE STOMPERS
15. JUNGLE FEVER - CHAKACHAS

For those about to rock out, here's my Rock n' Roll Gunboat list:
1. ROCK AND ROLL - Led Zeppelin
2. BLACK BETTY - Ram Jam (Spiderbait version)
3. SLOW RIDE - Foghat
4. HELLS BELLS - AC/DC
5. BACK IN BLACK - AC/DC
6. SWEET EMOTION - Aerosmith
7. BAD REPUTATION - Joan Jett
8. BAD TO THE BONE - George Thoroughgood & The Destroyers
9. BARRACUDA - Heart
10. BALLROOM BLITZ - The Sweet
11. SMELLS LIKE TEEN SPIRIT - Nirvana
12. FRANKENSTEIN - Edgar Winter
13. SCHOOLS OUT - Alice Cooper
14. PSYCHOTIC REACTION - Count Five
15. FIRE - Crazy World of Arthur Brown
16. PEACE FROG - The Doors
17. MAGIC CARPET RIDE - Steppenwolf
18. HAVE LOVE WILL TRAVEL - The Sonics
19. PURPLE HAZE - Jimi Hendrix
20. GONNA MAKE YOU - The Troggs
21. SKY PILOT - The Animals

Just FYI...I love me some music!

FOOD: Mexican, Seafood, Italian, Chinese, American, Alpo.

God, family, friends, a lady fair, a noble quest, a daily laugh.

My self summary.
Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk....

Working. Surfing the net. Creating a new version of my OKC self-summary.
Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk...

I collect 8-track tapes. I have the best collection in the state.
(Oh God...I can't believe I just blurted that out. All this time, it was the 8-tracks scaring the ladies away!)
"LOOK! 8-TRACK ZILLA...(KAH-CHUNK!)...DESTROY TOKYO!"

You want ordinary? You move on. You want EXTRAORDINARY? You message me. Class dismissed.