Welcome to my 'self summary'. This is version 7.0 if anyone's counting. I call it 'WINDOWS INTO MY WORLD'. It's the kind of summary that lets you peek voyeuristicly into my world...for a few seconds...then I yank the drapes on you and call 911.
"Hi 911? Yeah...there's this weird lady peeking into my windows self summary. I think she's casing the joint..."
If you're like me you've switched versions of your self summary many times with mixed results. My comedic version got the best reviews. Apparently I'm strong in the humor department.
So this version is a kind of a return to that with a large helping of sarcasm due to lack of sleep.
I should probably let you peek at version 6.5 below, which is the (more or less) straight-forward version. It sucks. Don't even bother reading it. Very boring. It sounds boring even to me. Here it is if you gotta know...
"I'm an honorably discharged Air Force veteran, father of three wonderful daughters, a jack-of-all-trades renaissance guy with no criminal background, drug free and alcohol free (since forever) and a local artist who has worked many different kinds of day-jobs over the years to support his family. I love solving new problems and researching various subjects. I'm also an artist-cartoonist-painter-digital graphics specialist & web designer."
Gag me with a car commercial. I hate that guy. What a loser.
If I wanted a good love life I should be the opposite of all the above. Here's what that would look like...
"I'm a dishonorably discharged malcontent who goes from one vice to another and ignores his kids, works as a mechanic so he can work on his motorcycle after hours, hates the cops and pals around with losers. Buy me booze and drugs and I'll hang out with you for awhile."
Makes you weak in the knees donut?
So here's the part of my self summary 7.0 that helps you ladies decide what kind of a good guy you want. Feel free to take notes.
GUYS GENERALLY FALL INTO ONE OF THE THREE CATEGORIES LISTED BELOW...
1. NICE (Boy Scout, No criminal background, normal upbringing, dependable, healthy).
2. INTERESTING (Macho, physically fit, smart, active, personable, socially adept, accomplished).
3. RICH (Monetarily successful, celebrity status, to the manor born).
YOU CAN PICK ANY TWO OF THE ABOVE CATEGORIES...
1. NICE and INTERESTING won't be RICH (Jack Dawson, Westley, George Bailey).
2. INTERESTING and RICH won't be NICE. (Rhett Butler, Rick Blaine, Mr. Darcy).
3. NICE and RICH won't be INTERESTING (Edward Lewis, Joe Fox, Christopher Marshall).
I am NICE and INTERESTING. If you're looking for RICH, good luck. Although I've recently started another side business and my prospects are good, don't count on any trips to Europe or gift-wrapped cars or bling from Jared anytime soon.
I am an ARTIST (SEE: Jack Dawson).
I am DEPENDABLE (SEE: Westley).
I am RESPONSIBLE (SEE: George Bailey)
I'm looking for a lady who's like me as I am now. Smart, responsible and tired of being alone with all this wealth of good character.
Now...go back to the photo section (cause you checked that out first) and see if I'm all that.
(Just FYI - I snuck in some of my art. See if you can spot it.)