Equal parts Zack Morris, Jimmy McNulty, and Michael Bluth.

A man whose idea of a romantic nightspot and an impenetrable fortress are the same thing.

I'm on "indefinite hiatus" from a PhD AND law school. That's right, ladies, I'm a two-fer!

Also, I'm the only person on OkCupid who hasn't been to Machu Picchu.

Eating bacon, egg, and cheeses...

--Scrabble.
--Rock, Paper, Scissors.
--Dancing like Mac from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia.

I've never asked anybody, and I've never had the opportunity to experience meeting myself myself. It sounds like a pretty dick move to ask someone whom I just met what they first noticed about me, especially since the only use of such information would be for filling out online dating profiles.

Books:
Favorite titles: The Brothers Karamazov, Catch-22, Silmarillion, Hagakure, The Lorax, Lonesome Dove, Infinite Jest, Things Fall Apart
Favorite authors: Dostoevsky, Kafka, Tolkien, Twain, Orwell, James Baldwin, John Hodgman, David Foster Wallace

Movies: Heat, Princess Bride, Once Upon a Time in the West, 12 Angry Men, Ghost Dog, High Noon, Tombstone, Billy Madison, Last of the Mohicans, Braveheart, La Haine, Seven Samurai, Trading Places, One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, True Romance, The Jerk

Shows: Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Arrested Development, The Wire, Archer, Twin Peaks, Mr. Show, Gargoyles, How It's Made, Modern Marvels, Law & Order (original only!)

Music: 50s Blues, 70s Rock, and 90s Hip Hop. Way too many to name... MF Doom, The Doors, Most things Def Jux, Traffic, Jimi Hendrix, The Roots, El-P, Nirvana, Paul Butterfield, Temptations, Cannibal Ox, Bob Dylan, Johnny Cash, Aesop Rock, Neil Young, Mos Def, Leonard Cohen, Nas, GangStarr, Blackstar, Beatles, Weezer, Green Day, RJD2, Sade, James Brown

Also, I'm good at going to see friends' bands play live. Even if I don't like the genre. Or if they're just friends of friends. And yes, I will buy your EP...

Food: Delicious kinds. I like trying new things (including species!) and I get pretty ambitious with my spice rack.

-Guinness.
-Curiosity.
-Peanut butter.
-Music.
-Chocolate milk.
-The direct object of transitive verbs.

Optimum baseball line-ups, new recipes, what bad Nick Cage movies to watch next.

Why 30-40% of women on OkCupid have mustache pictures. It's not funny, cute, or original.

Bars, friends, parties, eating street food, dates, movies, working, TV...
It gets pretty tiring. Sometimes it takes me all the way into a typical Sunday mid-afternoon to cram it all in.

I don't believe in the color orange.
Or germs.
Or Australia.

I frequently forget how old I am. No, seriously. I have to stop and figure it out from time to time.

You're awesome. Or cute. Or hot. Or any two of the above.
But not all three, I don't think I could handle that.

You know how to pronounce Seuss, Smithwick's, or Hoegaarden.

Or, if you think U-God is the best member of the Wu-Tang Clan.

ORRRR, if you just want to learn a lot of surprising facts about Dolph Lundgren.

Also, not essential, but very helpful if your profile does not feature you describing yourself as "fun", "laid-back", "easy-going", "sarcastic", etc. Really, how could you say you're sarcastic and then not say anything sarcastic? Not even facetious? Show, hun, don't tell.