On understanding relative importance: In her OKCupid profile an attractive lonely widow wrote, "COMPANION WANTED - MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (60S); MUST NOT BEAT ME; MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME; MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!! PLEASE APPLY IN PERSON." On the second day, she answered the doorbell and, much to her dismay, saw a handsome, distinguished grey-haired gentleman in a faded USAF pilot's jacket sitting in a wheelchair. He had no arms or legs.
The lady said, "You're not really asking me to consider you, are you? Just look at you...you have no legs!"
The man smiled, "Therefore, I can't run around on you!"
"But you don't have any arms, either!" she snorted.
Again, he smiled, "Well, then, I can never beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and asked intently, "Well, are you still good in bed?"
The man leaned back, beamed a big grin and said, "Rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
On my partner: She's a gentle woman of strength and kindness, an accomplished, inquisitive femme, sensuous and complete in herself, who doesn’t need a man in her life but for unfathomable reasons wants one, who believes a kiss begins at the eyelids and that the tango is the ultimate expression of desire.
A sensitive lady of culture, she's sweet, loud, crass, silent, haute beyond fashion, elegant beyond style, tough and hard when she needs to be, as I am when I need to be but in gentle fashion to keep the years, able to bear her coiffure occasionally disarrayed by a motorcycle helmet or an open canopy.
She's a do-er, a thinker, a maker, a giver of pain to protect her cubs, and when, behind a man's steady gaze she senses the unseen tear, a binder of wounds who once in a while permits binding hers.
Sure of who she is and who she is not, this sweet lady of diverse parts is absolutely determined not to finish out her life in front of a TV set, but to seek adventure and new horizons.
She's a confident American who loves her country and loves her God, a thoughtful, introspective scratcher of furry chins who’d stop her car to shoo an old box turtle across a roadway. If a hunter, she hunts only for meat, never a trophy, who agrees with me that part of laying claim to our planet is to make safe the little ones among us.
On my work: Author, No More Time For Sorrow, sequel A Morning Bright to Die, sites - drrobertbeeman.com, teethinyourleg.blogspot.com, teethinyourleg.org [paste the links; they won't work from here], Ex-military pilot [OUR military], ex-professor, ex-tractor trailer driver, retired from nuclear engineering [yes, I was at TMI during the 1979 Accident; no, it was not my fault].
On circumstances: live on eighty acres behind a half-mile driveway with a herd of deer, six motorcycles, the occasional bear, three tuxedos one of which almost still fits, an English car that is British revenge for the Battle of Trenton from the people who built Stonehenge, a 1500-volume library, six computers occasionally networked, a depressingly ordinary wine cellar and Ernie The Rabbit who lives under my deck and has thus far eluded the mated pair of redtails who work my valley, but I fear he's getting careless.
On life style: Ride motorcycles, write books, fly an airplane - Elinor - named for a fictional heroine with whom I'm hopelessly in love, cut firewood, paddle a canoe, vacuum rugs, build buildings, read The Bible, attend concerts [Mozart, The Stones], wage a losing battle with my reading backlog, clean bathrooms, write technical articles that bore even me, program computers, do laundry, and produce from the grill a meatlike substance that my guests sometimes actually eat.
On family: Eldest granddaughter, 10, has been short-listed Mission Commander, First Manned Mars Mission, and her sister, 8, has been penciled in as Chief Pilot. When I told my daughter I intended to write NASA to congratulate the Agency on its good fortune, she suggested I have a couple of drinks and lie down until the feeling passed.
On appearance: Average looking; clean up fairly well; best photographed in a dim light. No infirmities, all parts present and in reasonably good working order. Yes, including those parts.
On relationships: Pretty low maintenance and easy to get along with - nonconfrontational - don't need to win arguments to prove I'm a man or to take a piece of your soul to feed my own ego.
On politics: I'm an American and proud of it.
On habits: Quit smoking cold turkey many years ago. Never used drugs or related garbage. Like a good Chardonnay now and then but not much on hard liquor or beer.
On Attitude: Spent thirty wonderful years married. Don't do anger or jealousy or control games, nor tolerate in my life women who do. Glad to help you with the pain from a past relationship, but if you carry a virtual hammer to beat me for unresolved issues with your ex, may I suggest seeking any of the other fine men on this site? If you're beautiful enough or voluptuous enough they may permit it; I simply don't have the time. I'm in perfect health and quite active; my hints about toys are merely to discourage the sedentary.