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PunsAndWordplay

27 M Mountain View, CA

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
Height
Body Type
Athletic
Diet
Smokes
No
Drinks
Drugs
Never
Religion
Atheism
Sign
Aquarius
Education
Graduated from masters program
Job
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English, Finnish (Okay), Swedish (Okay), Danish (Poorly)

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My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Update - 29 August 2014:
Profile activated. Will start adding information soon. Mostly here for the questions right now.

Brevity isn't my strong suit.

Former collegiate track and field athlete and football player turned recruiter/HR director just trying to make it through the day. I have nothing going for me except for my charismatic personality, an insatiable thirst for knowledge, a rapier wit, and great friends and family. Sometimes I don't know how I sleep at night.

I'm brand new here and still checking it out. Eventually I'll learn how to write a shorter profile.

If you would like to meet for a gastronomic adventure, beer, bubble tea, catch some live music, or just explore the area around here (hiking/cycling), it'd behoove you to send a message my way.

But let's be real; you read my username and you're here for the jokes. Brace yourself.

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I once handpicked an orange from an apple tree and made the best damn lemonade you'll ever have. I can do eight minute abs in six minutes and thirty seconds and James Bond is loosely based on a series of risky covert operations I performed whilst in middle school. I recently quit my job as a taxidermist because it was pretty boring - all I did was sit around and stuff.

The other day, I saw a demonstration by the homeless people of San Francisco. They were demanding change.

After that, I went to REI and bought an 8-person tent. The cashier said, "Are you going to put that up yourself?". I replied, "No. Probably on a campsite."

I love whiteboards - they're positively remarkable. Before making this profile, I was having a debate with my buddy over which letter in the alphabet was the best. I won.

Yes, it's true. I've written quite a few jokes in my day. But the one about the kleptomaniac baker really takes the cake.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Work hours:
• Running all people operations for a small startup in Palo Alto. About 3.5 years ago I actually worked for OKCupid and hired a good number of people who write the matching algorithms, so I actually do believe in those percentages. If we're above a 90% match, you should probably send me a message.

Non-work hours:
• Cycling -- I'm trying to explore new places via bike around here. Any suggestions?
• Live Music -- seen 150+ shows in the past three years
• Non-Live Music -- Improving my keyboard skills and my vocals; trying to find a place to record stuff around here. Have played drums for 16 years and guitar for 12 years as well. Could talk music forever.
• Exploring -- I love wandering around the Bay Area and making random roadtrips. Could really use a partner in crime.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
• Boggle/Scrabble/word games (like. . .one of the best in the world good. I'm not kidding).
• Accents / languages
• Remembering everything
• Being five minutes early

My favorite joke ever is still: I would say I'm the champion of self-deprecation but I'm never the best at anything :-(
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
These are things better saved for a first conversation/date, but all you need to know is:

Reading: I read. Between tech news (I start off every day with Venture Beat) and everything else, I stay on top of things.

Watching: I'm terrible at keeping up with movies/TV. I haven't been to the movie theatre in forever and honestly haven't seen any sci-fi/fantasy/superhero movies that permeate everyone else's profile. Sorry.

I do have a super guilty pleasure watching America's Got Talent. I don't think I've missed an episode in nine seasons. I'm still fun though, right?!?

Listening: I was Passenger #1 for the 70000 Tons of Metal cruise (www.70000tons.com) and just got back from a couple weeks in Europe going to Rockstad Falun. I've also been in a couple of music videos. That should tell you enough.

Eating: I'm a great cook. And a great cleaner. I'll make a good housewife someday. I'll eat/cook anything, ask me about my favorite recipes.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
• The whereabouts of one Carmen Sandiego (last I heard, she was stealing Seouls in South Korea)

• Why no one in Eastern Europe has come up with a dating website called 'Czech Mates' (I tried buying the domain a few years ago, patent pending).
I’m looking for
  • Girls who like guys
  • Ages 24–36
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If you've made it this far and still haven't sent me something here's a jumping off point. Message me with the following:

• Your favorite type of dog OR your favorite dog .gif. I love dogs.
• Your favorite pun/joke

OR!
• If you want to play Scramble With Friends/Boggle/Scrabble
• You realize that "replies very selectively" doesn't mean "replies never". Send something thoughtful. I get back to (good) messages almost immediately.

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FOR REAL:

I really just like getting to know people and hearing about people's passions. I'm not opposed to making friends on here at all.

Romantically, I'm looking for someone to grow with, to laugh with, to learn with, and to explore with.

Let's build something great together.