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26 Brooklyn, NY Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 21–73
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Today – 5:19pm
6' 0" (1.83m)
Body Type
Used up
Doesn’t have kids
English (Somewhat), Russian (Somewhat), Spanish (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
This is just one of many stops on my steep, winding road of ambition. Eventually I hope to mire myself in an unfulfilling career, take to the drink, and yell at my wife for making me raise my voice.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
9-5ing, looking for ways to sustain a lifestyle of unbridled decadence while I pursue my dream of publishing something edgy enough to be sold in the print section at Urban Outfitters.

In previous lives I moonlighted as a semi-professional poker player and consummate evildoer, and also as a literature teacher in Seoul.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Keeping a straight face. And getting hit on by men or asked where to buy drugs when I'm dancing. Whatever. If you've got it, flaunt it, baby.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Insolence and festive socks.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books - Manuscripts from the slush pile. Not for their merit or raw potential, but for the schadenfreude as I crush writers' dreams.

Movies - Dark comedies and mind fucks.

Shows - Arrested Development, Breaking Bad, Peep Show, Seinfeld, MasterChef Junior.

Music - Bearded men who sing like castrati, bands named after personified forest creatures, electronic musicians who drum on stage and/or wear masks, classical heavy in harp and celesta, tone poems, deep house, dream pop, lo-fi electro, shoegaze, new wave, and hickish and/or Scandinavian indie folk. Though I only really like Animal Collective and Nicolas Jaar. Glass Animals and Sylvan Esso were my favorite discoveries last year, and Odesza were probably my favorite live act.

Food - Caramel! Caramelized cheese, onions, and mushrooms! Caramelized cream crusts on my crème brûlée!

Brussels sprouts get their own category. There is a reason we trick children into thinking they're gross, and it's pure, unadulterated greed. Though there's a special place in my heart if yours also involves spite or malice.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
--Headphones to set a soundtrack to my life
--Banchan, sour cream, and red sauces
--The smithy of my soul to forge the uncreated conscience of my race
--Snobby and smutty subreddits
--A mouthful of diamonds
--A pocketful of secrets
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
How to be this fly:

If fly is still an acceptable adjective, and if not, how to bring it back.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Cavorting and carousing, or weeping and sleeping.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I don't actually feel that strongly about caramel:
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You want to go out and paint your feelings, you want to show me your favorite _______ in New York, you want to send me book or bandcamp suggestions, you can get me into the Boiler Room (no, not that one), you want to buy me a gin and rohypnol, you're a parvenu who needs to borrow some class, you come with an ample dowry, or you're easily swindled out of an inheritance.