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PuzzledLobster

28 M Richmond, CA

My Details

Last Online
Jul 24
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 11″ (1.80m)
Body Type
Thin
Diet
Mostly anything
Smokes
Sometimes
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Sometimes
Religion
Other, and laughing about it
Sign
Aquarius, but it doesn’t matter
Education
Working on space camp
Job
Student
Income
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Offspring
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly)

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My self-summary
"You know what they say about love and war?"
"Yeah, one involves a lot of physical and pychological pain and the other ones's war."

"Until a man is twenty-five, he still thinks, every so often, that under the right circumstances he could be the baddest motherfucker in the world. If I moved to a martial-arts
monastery in China and studied real hard for ten years. If my family was wiped out by Colombian drug dealers and I swore myself to revenge. If I got a fatal disease, had one year to live, and devoted it to wiping out street crime. If I just dropped out and devoted my life to being bad."
— Neal Stephenson (Snow Crash)

Born in a wagon in a traveling show, my momma used to dance for the money they'd throw. These days I'm a top neurosurgeon, particle physicist, race car driver, rock star, comic book hero, and probably the last hope of the human race. My only weakness, humility. I'm also not convinced this site is for me, I feel a bit like one of those poor bastards that just realized he brought a knife to a Batman fight, severely questioning my life choices and probably in for a vicious beating.
What I’m doing with my life
-Doing the Kessel Run in under 12 parsecs.

-Currently working on my BA in film and television at Expressions in Emeryville and thus will soon become wildly rich and enjoy great fame or be dirt poor and die wallowing in anonymity

-eXtreme falconing (or whatever they call it when you stand in a field with a big leather glove and throw those hawks with the goofy hats around) at least I'm currently training it to attack french dudes. Hawks and Owls are naturally aggressive towards Philippinos you see, so its just a matter if switching their natural prejudices towards a group more deserving of getting swooped on by a massive bird of prey.

-Throwing shapes in the church of dance, poplockin in socks.

-Stealthily trying to hide stuff in your pockets.

-Manly things like chopping wood and building fires.

- I'd like to get getting certified for skydiving so i can throw myself out of an airplane instead of having to do it strapped ass to crotch to an instructor, which always winds up being a dude. Same thing with airplanes im always wedged between two fat men. The last flight i was on (an international flight at that) this giant fat guy next to me shit his pants and I'm sadly not even joking at all. The last flight my cousin took he met a filthy rich model who he's still dating. Some guys have all the luck, for the rest of us there's this website, which isn't depressing at all...

-Activities that are usually pretty god damn nerdy. Like it'd be cool to meet a cute girl that plays videogames or at least tolerates them. Its not a dealbreaker if you don't, nobody else I've dated has but i feel like it'd be a nice change of pace. Much like sea monsters I'm pretty sure cute girls that play videogames do exist somewhere, just don't have any real proof. I thought I saw one at a bar a while back but turns out it was just a floating log.

-saving up for more racing school classes at Sears Point, if I have one goal in life, its to die in a fiery explosion to the sound of screeching metal and classic rock like Whitesnake blasting in the backround.
I’m really good at
-Coloring books

-Vigilante justice

-Convincing you that's totally a real word when playing scrabble (I've since moved on to the cut throat, ruthless high stakes world of bannagrams.)

-Commanding sea creatures to attack (besides molluscs and tube worms, in fact even if i could talk to them i wouldn't want to anyways because they're stupid. Stupid and icky so there!) *Due to a recent outcry from mollusc/cepholapod fans everywhere I'm willing to reconsider my, perhaps ill advised, hatred of the mollusk family and yes those slimy fuckers are actually really smart which makes them all the more terrifying. But I love the fact that people care more about mollusks than the French. that makes my heart smile

- Being open minded and accepting of new experiences, places, ideas and cultures. Except the French, they can just fuck right off.
That only applies to the dudes though I hate to say, the women are begrudgingly pretty damn cute and charming. But If there's one thing this planet can finally rally behind its hatred of French dudes, a primal guttural instinct rightly shared by all cultures, creeds,phylum's, kingdoms and class.

-Commanding sea creatures to attack the French

-Everything else, well except spelling...
The first things people usually notice about me
I exist. Maybe my eyes but im pretty sure people notice the other thing first. I have been told I have nice eyes a lot but I forgot to ask them wether they noticed my eyes or the fact I was actually there first but I'll be sure to next time.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
I can't imagine anyone giving enough of a shit to read such a MASSIVE list but for this but for those that do here ya go...

-Books. The Forever War, John Dies at The End,Sex Drugs and Cocoa Puffs (Anything by Klosterman),Long Way Down (hands down the funniest book ever written about suicide),The Stars My Destination, Hitchhikers Guide To the Galaxy, Last Chance To See, Devil in The White City, Art of War, Catcher in The Rye, High Fidelity, the Terror, Only Forward, Pretty much every book by Michael Crichton.
Transmetropolitan (really anything by Warren Ellis),Sleeper (same goes for Brubaker and Rucka),Powers, Fables, Y: The Last man, The Walking Dead, Watchmen (the last few are graphic novels but its still reading...just with more pictures)

Movies-well since I'm one of those cliche film students who pretty much just sits around watching good movies instead of making them this list will be a mile fucking long by the time im done...if im ever done In no particular order. Heathers, Running Scared, Cabin In The Woods,Six String Samurai, Rules Of Attraction,Ghostbusters,Road Warrior, Star Trek:The Wrath of Khan (shut up its awesome)Trainspotting, Gross Point Blank,Planes Trains and Automobiles,Unbreakable, An American Werewolf in London,Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II : Secret of The Ooze, Edward Scissor Hands, Plains Trains and Automobiles, Kung Fu Hustle, Bill and Teds Excellent Adventure, Bill and Teds Bogus Journey (it's better than you remember), Raiders of The Lost Ark, Serenity, The Royal Tennenbuams, Rushmore, (and everything else by Wes Anderson) Shaun of The Dead (Edgar Wright is so brilliant it pisses me off), Oliver and Company, Brave Little Toaster, The Iron Giant, Serenity, Full Metal Jacket,Tremors, Fight Club,Blues Brothers, Blade Runner, Diehard, The Host, Face/Off,The Good The Bad The Wierd, The Chaser, Zodiac, Buckaroo Bonzai Across The 8th Dimension, Blue Velvet, All Dogs Go to Heaven, the Land Before Time, True Romance, The Sandlot, The Usual Suspects, Sunshine, Mask Of The Phantasm, The dark Knight, Inception,Memento, Fist Of Legend, Return Of The Drunken Master and a billion others.

Music- man i don't know i like soooo much it's kinda impossible;e but maybe one of my all time favorites is Sublime...or Weird Al Yankovick I also like the Pixies, Stevie Ray Vaughn, and Radiohead. A bunch more include The Broken Bells, Ratatat, Bad Religion, Social Distortion, Nick Cave, Daft Punk, MGMT, John Lee Hooker, Marvin Gaye, The Beatles, Niel Young, The Who, The Prodigy, Placebo, Muddy Waters,Ludakris, Lil Wayne (a lot of these are pretty embarrassing I know) The Shins, Depeche Mode, mashing Pumpkins, his is hard, ill stop for now but ill add more later, as theres very little i dont like. I listen to everything from electronica to country (only assholes say they listen to everything but country). I also try to go to a show like at the Fox in Oakland or something every few months

Food-Italian, Sushi those are my two favorites i suppose. I have like the worlds fastest metabolism and eat all the time so foods kinda a big deal to me i like to cook too

TV shows- Spaced, Supernatural (im fucking obsessed with the last two) Arrested development, Being Human(BBC version),Farscape, Venture Bros., Top Gear, X-Files, The IT Crowd, It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia,Twin Peaks, Monsterquest,Hung, Dexter,Walking Dead and most likely anything else with vampires, space shit and/or monsters like Buffy the Vampire Slayer though Angel was better...

I also like videogames stuff. Chances are if its awesome I have it Add me on xbox live gamertag Alex the Bloody, also have a PlayStation but not on that often.
The six things I could never do without
-Cereal, I'd have long ago starved to death. As it is, i can turn sideways and practically vanish.

-Furthering the evolution of the human race (basically a noble way to say sex...i mean making love. In a committed relationship. Wait what were we talking about? I don't remember the question but the answer is boobs probably)

-Cartoons, mostly from the pinnacle of cartoon awesomeness that was the early/mid 90's

-Netflix, though it seems to think i have the movie tastes of a sex criminal based on the fact it puts stuff like Human Centipede and iCarly right next to each other in my suggestion que.

- The Northwest Passage

-My briefcase because you can only really carry like 2-4 Coors in your pockets at most and then everybody's like "who's this asshole with pocket beer and why wont he share?" but a briefcase, now that's classy. Classy and discreet, the motto of a true gentleman

And because I'm a rebel and rule breaker here's few more, family (by blood or bond) adventure, companionship and freedom.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
A lot of random shit all the time, dark and twisted things. I like to brood OK? Like my reoccurring nightmare where I'm Mr Potato head and I have to fight off a pack of vegan wolves with only a giant floppy dildo shaped baseball bat

-The Lorax, so sad...

-Growing up I always thought quicksand would be a much bigger threat then it turned out to be

-Will this administration finally bring the Hamburgalur to justice?

-New ways to cheat at Risk

-Boobs are like bouncy castles or nintendo. They are meant for children but grown men can get some enjoyment out of them too

-Brunettes with weird accents, glasses and leather pants. I blame Cobra Command

- Japanese underwear thiefs! (google it, its become an epidemic, like really you'll have a whole afternoon of entertainment its so funny they treat it like drug busts except instead of kilo's of coke its ladies undies they pull out of someones closet. So if somebody sees a pervy old guy running from the subway clutching a pair of Halo 'Warthoggin' boxers somebody get me a blanket and a strong drink

-JFK, UFO, TMNT,CHUD

-Cars and other things that go really fast.

- Dinosaurs R.I.P Sleep well sweet princes. You were truly taken before your time, at least know it took a "holy fuck that was awesome!" size explosion to blast you off the Earth and into our hearts forever. Or at least until science gets off its fat lazy ass and makes Jurassic Park a reality. You better not fuck me on this science like you did with the flying car and the Sony minidisc player or we're through. Also I want a Hoverboard like the one in Back To The Future II, its about god damned time. In fact if any scientists are reading this I'm going to win you ALL the science awards. Ready? Pizza delivery sexbots. That would win "best invention in the history of ever!" and if there is no such award well there will be once someone gets these into production. Sure the human race will die off in a generation cuz nobody would ever leave the house again but we are heading in that direction anyways so we should at leat go out with a bang...and a pizza.

- Sea Monsters. Nessie turned out to be a toy sub they say but Champ and The Bloop are totally real. What are you Bloop? I must know!!!!!!!!

-Batsquatch, as if bigfoot wasn't fucking awesome enough already, now he can apparently fly. that kooky Bigfoot what will he be getting into next? A sitcom I hope because i'd totally watch it.

-How much i wish this site had a spell check function.

-How classically Raven something just was. Though at other times ill be like that wasn't very Raven at all. At any rate often comparing things to the typical behavior in which we've come to expect from Raven.

-"Reality" television and how that makes me doubt the survival of the human race even more than the Toyota Prius. Also every time somebody watches them, the terrorists win and a fairy dies (the flying peter-pan kind not the ones that have marches and claimed the entire color spectrum for themselves which i think is just a bit greedy really, though i have nothing against them otherwise).

-Pie but the food not the number

-Chaos theory, quantum physics and all the other things the cool kids are talking about these days. I'm a bit of a nerd if you couldn't already tell. I've got a subscription to Discover magazine instead of Playboy....well OK in addition too but I swear I only read it for the nudity.

-How funny it was when in a question earlier i accidently typed Mary Poopins instead of Mary Poppins.
On a typical Friday night I am
Investigations, solving mysteries, primarily of the paranormal variety. Fucking up ghosts, punching death in the dick, performing budget exorcisms (now with a 3 month guarantee!), kicking inter dimensional creeper ass. That sort of thing or maybe playing xbox. Perhaps sitting in a corner somewhere? I don't know. Not too long ago, I went with a friend to her work party and wound up an extra in a porn (like they were filming one, people didn't just start fucking everywhere....well I mean they did but ahhh never mind ) so really who the hell knows, could be literally anything. Good or bad at least shit stays pretty interesting.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
-Bad news everybody I received a message from the people of 2135, they said the aliens attacked and "devastated us in the butts" according to my future source. I'd also tell you about Iran's secret giant mutant spiders trained to kill Americans but then I might lose my spot in the bunkers. So not only do we have we have a friggen mutant spider army to deal with but some asshole space fuckers as well.Our only hope is to breed like rabbits and overwhelm them with sheer numbers so I'm on here prepared to do my part. I'm basically a god damned hero but I won't let it get to my head.

-So didn't really know how to answer the drug question. I mean I don't "do" drugs like in some lame PSA. Im not about to Helen Hunt myself out a fucking window. However I do sometimes smoke (now that is legal in a few states is it still count as a drug really? ) and maybe like once a year I miiiight do aomething like at a party or something if offered but that's like super rare.

-I once I looked at my OK Cupid test results and saw I was Han Solo, Spiderman and Dean Martin all rolled into one. I immediately tried to blow myself because I mean that just sounds like the coolest motherfucker alive and we all know how completely accurate and scientificly sound the methodology behind these tests are so ladies give up your search. Apparently you've just stumbled onto the holy grail of hot shit bad assery right here. This is serious business. Nobody would dare embellish any facts on a dating site so trust me when I say all of this is completely true. And on that note....

- Seriously fuck spiders, I'm horrified by them. Y'all better pray evolution is true cuz any god that'd purposely subject the world to those 8 legged assholes seems like a real dicktit. If you do exist sorry for calling you a dicktit but something as fuck you creepy as spiders should never exist. I'm sorry but they ate just pure nightmare fuel. Its like all humankinds most horrible, evil and ghastly thoughts took form and scuttled out of a cave mans brain and under a rock, to torment the children of men for all eternity, as punishment for something terrible. This theory also easily explains the French, who were created in much the same way.

-Umm Star Trek Wrath Of Khan is one of my favorite movies ever, just one of the many reasons I'm sure to die alone

-If I was a women, my screen name on this site would almost assuredly be "Thundercunt" come to think of it though Dicktits would be a rock solid handle as well.

-My wash machine makes a sound exactly like a drum roll yet I always forget its the washer and think something exiting is about to happen.

- I still think Deloreans are really fucking awesome,

-My last ex-girlfriend didn't leave every season of Buffy and Veronica Mars at my house, in a box under the bed but there is a box, with every season of Buffy and Veronica Mars, under my bed and by under my bed i mean in my dvd player.

- I have the kind of family (and my mom had 8 siblings so it really big) that are the kind of people that quote the bible, vote republican and call you from Wisconsin at 3am drunkenly bow hunting deer in the woods or even just let he fucking garden as I learned on my last visit, when my cousin went charging into the back yard with his bow and arrow to protect his cabbage from the invading deer hordes. He has an understanding with the chipmunks that live I the wood pile but any other creature that ventures onto his property is getting an arrow to the face.

- I don't "get" jazz

-I'm on the fire departments "watch list" after I kinda sorta set a kids house on fire in high school by accident while working on a school project

- I'm a member of the mile high club and almost got arrested during the admittance ceremony for said club. All in all it was a lot like communism, great on paper, kinda lame in practice. It combines all the thrills of having sex in a cramped odd smelling closet AND a dirty public restroom, only with more stuff to poke you in the ass and weird corners to get wedged into.
I’m looking for
  • Bi girls only
  • Ages 19–35
  • Located anywhere
  • For new friends
You should message me if
- A friend in need is a friend indeed, a friend with weed is better, a friend with breasts and all the rest, a friend that's dressed in leather.

-You wanna swap war stories, listen to vinyl and read comic books. So pretty much if you like the same stuff now as when you were 12, just maybe now with more smoking and drinking, depending on how hardcore you were in middle school. Ooooor interested in film/writing projects and want to collaborate.  

-If you want to discuss the finer points and existential ramifications of what exactly the Grimace is and can it be killed?