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38 • Minneapolis, MN • Woman
I’m looking for
- Ages 30–45
- Near me
- Who are single
- For new friends
- Last online
- Nov 28, 2014
- 5′ 4″ (1.63m)
- Body type
- Strictly anything
- Atheism, and laughing about it
- Taurus, but it doesn’t matter
- Dropped out of space camp
- Seeing Someone
- Mostly non-monogamous
- Doesn’t have kids, and doesn’t want any
- Likes dogs and dislikes cats
- English (Fluently), Spanish (Poorly), French (Poorly), Latin (Poorly)
I'm finding myself difficult to summarize. I feel like my social circle has stagnated a little and I'd like to mix it up a bit. Not really looking for lovey dovey squishy crap. Mostly just interesting people to hang out with, go get a beer, dance, whatever. I'm obviously sort of odd, can be a little Data-like in my social skills, work like a demon (I'm a lifer line cook, so I don't really do weekends unless it's late, I can flip bacon with my bare hands, I always smell vaguely "kitcheny," and I can talk smack in several flavors of Spanish) and am deathly allergic to eggplants, idiots and screechy dramatic types. I'm kind of obsessed with the Uncanny Valley, so my home decor strikes some people as profoundly disturbing. There are a lot of puppets, robots, clowns, mannequins, heads. I tend to just tack tons of extra shit on here whenever I'm bored (or in the case of the negative shit at the bottom, irritated), so I'm probably a lot less self-absorbed than I seem from this wall of words.
I prefer my movies weird, violent and not overly emotional (foreshadowing?). Bladerunner, Mad Max (x3), Evil Dead, City of Lost Children, Triplets of Belleville, The Forbidden Zone, Metropolis, yadda yadda. I have trouble sitting still unless things are blowing up a lot. The Last Circus and Boxing Helena make me feel funny in the pants (despite my strong aversion to psychological obsession). If that does not immediately creep you out, we should probably talk.
Don't watch much TV, and what little I do watch is on the computer (my house does not actually contain a television, but there's a monitor and a media server in the living room). If I feel like mindless crap, it tends to be stuff like NCIS or CSI. Love Archer, Venture Bros, Castle, Sherlock. But TV is not generally part of my routine, and I'd rather dig my liver out with a rusty spork than sit through a sitcom.
Music: SO MUCH. I have a terabyte drive just for music. My tastes are all over the place, but lean heavily on industrial/experimental/noise, true metal, thrash, cheesy 80's metal (I can't help it, I was a 12 year old girl in 1988, it was inevitable), post-punk, early goth stuff and uncategorizeable stuff like the Residents. But I will sing along with the Carpenters or Simon and Garfunkel without shame (and fairly well), or bust out my collection of waltz 78s, or blast Wagner while I'm cleaning the house. I can't stand Morrissey, angry white boy rap-metal, autotune, new country or new R&B, whiny chicks with acoustic guitars or emo crap. Apparently it is the "done thing" to barf out a giant list of bands at this point, so I'm going to cheat and just list what's on my mp3 player right now (which is just a fraction of what I like/have, and mostly what I listen to at work or on the bus): X-RX, Xotox, Garmarna, Devotchka, the Cure, Edith Piaf, Yma Sumac, Triplets of Belleville soundtrack, David Bowie, Bow Wow Wow, Berlin, Terrorfakt, The Cramps, Slayer, Skinny Puppy, Klaus Nomi, Eisenfunk, SAM, Concrete Blonde, Tom Waits, Phosgore, Peter Schilling, Nick Cave, Nachtmahr, Modulate, Komor Kommando, Metallica, Memmaker, Foetus, Grendel, Firewater, Calexico, Fantomas, CTRL-er, Cop Shoot Cop, Bong-Ra, Balkan Beat Box, Pixies, Steinkind, Fleetwood Mac, The Damned, Joan Jett, a really kick-ass post-punk comp that has everything from Throbbing Gristle to Billy Bragg, the Slits, Devo and The Tubeway Army on it.
My career IS food. I love all good food, omnivorous, veg, vegan, whatever. Love to cook it, love to eat it, love to share it. Ironically enough, there is a huge list of stuff I can't eat, but I manage to work around it without being too much of a pain in the ass.
On the occasions I get drunk (not super common, but fairly easy -- I am a 3 drink cheap date), I have a tendency to make everyone in my vicinity mass amounts of food. It's like some weird hardwired biological imperative to FEED EVERYONE. Or perhaps some kind of socialization avoidance strategy. Whatever the cause, at some afterbar thingie, People will be Talking, and I'll be poking around a cobwebbed kitchen consisting of nothing but Chinese leftovers and 3 year old foodshelf crap, and half an hour later, I've made a giant feast for like 20 people. And it's mysteriously really good. And cost almost nothing. I'm not sure if it's a superpower or an extremely elaborate coping strategy for my distaste of smalltalk, but it works.
You're not a boring, whiny tool. Also, for pete's sake, say something vaguely interesting (and hopefully literate) if you do. I'm new to this crap, but "Durrrr....hi.....i tihk UR innaresting" is just going to make me wonder what happened to the rest of your brain. I probably won't even wonder that much. I'm no nun, but I'm not interested in the kind of skeezy douchenozzles I have nothing in common with who are just carpet bombing everything with a vagina in the vain hope that someone will touch their monkey. It ain't me, babe. Especially not if your username is some lame alphanumeric like "SexyDude69" or whatever. This is getting overly negative, but you really would not believe the sheer volume of this kind of crap I have to wade through.
TL;DR: Yes - weird, interesting, intelligent humans/aliens, extra points if you're able to introduce me to new books or music. No - suburban "Libertarian" walking hard-ons who watch shitloads of stoner TV and pour ranch dressing on all their food while jacking it to pictures of orange bitches. No - Weepy emo types who go on and on about what a sensitive feminist you are and how much you'd like a nice lady to cuddle with you and your cats, but still do tons of slut-shaming. I'm allergic to cats and crying and ennui and hypocrites. I have a thing for really tall weirdos, hyper-intellectual cro-mags, and the comfortably bizarre. Huge, smart and twisted. Silly and sick. Must be more physically intimidating than myself. Must not be trying too goddamned hard. If you are desperately searching for "the one," I will break out in hives. Even if you pretend you aren't. I'll know. I'm creepy like that.
Also, if you don't have a picture, I'm just going to assume you're hideously ugly, (monogamously) married, a serial killer, the FBI, or all of the above. If it's just a picture of oiled-up abs, I'm going to assume there's no brain attached to them, which is pretty much an instant boner-killer.
Things that make me cringe:
- the ubiquitous "Hello, I am Skeevy Bizness Dood, coming to your town for 2 days and I would like to have horrible, boring hotel sex with you because my wife hates me for about 300 good reasons." Newsflash: I don't want to fuck you, either.
- am I old enough to be your mother? I am?! Ew. Seriously. I have not reached cougar stage yet, and if you were born while I was in highschool, that just gives me the jeebs.
- invitations to chatsex. Ain't my thing.
- you see all those squiggly red lines under everything? It means you can't spell. Fortunately, this is the FUTURE! If you right-click on the squiggly thing, the magic robot will fix your spelling errors. Similar technology exists for mobile devices. If you can't put that much effort into crafting a message that doesn't make my brain twitch, well...
- phrases similar to "looking for an honest woman to make my life complete,"
- sappy poetry,
- people looking for some magical unicorn who is a freak in the sack but has only ever been with like 3 other people,
- people whose entire self-concept revolves around something tedious and boring like pot, politics, sports, religion, or some kind of "lifestyle."
- The fact that I got bored and filled a bunch of stuff out, couldn't sleep and rated something like a million people, and now I get a million hits from every mouth-breathing douchebag on the planet, every day.
- People who don't read all the words.
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