Like you, I'm full of contradictions. I yearn for the quiet home life, but excel at going out and getting fuckin' wild. I don't usually do drugs, but have a lucky crack pipe just in case. I've received a lot of flack regarding that there crack pipe, but hold onto her (yes, her) for one simple reason: 'cause it's lucky.

What else? I'm extremely driven, perhaps at the expense of good and fun things sometimes. If crackheads struggle with crack addiction, mine is ambition. I'm also a bit of a control freak. I drink more coffee than I should and take one too many sleeping pills than my body requires. What can I say? I love pretending like I'm Neo from The Matrix and debate whether I should take the blue pill or red pill. By the time that novelty wears (every night!) I end up taking both to see what happens. "Those pills weren't meant to be taken at once" proclaims make believe Lawrence Fishburne playing make believe resistance fighter Morpheus. I feel like the chosen one every night!

I work in the videogame industry and have worked in "general entertainment" for almost ten years. Damn, that's kind of cool and depressing at the same time. Most people I knew back in the day (or even a year ago) couldn't hack it and are doing things totally unrelated to their passion, so I guess I'm blessed. I'm also blessed with an enormous cock.

Ok, I lied about that last thing, but it is bigger than the national average. If you don't believe me there's only one way to find out.

Being inappropriate (see above). I'm told I'm pretty funny, but I may simply have a slew of unfunny friends. I'm also good at eating, whatever that means...

I tend to wear sunglasses indoors. I remember hearing only blind people and assholes do that, and I can see. Some people probably notice I'm handsome in a sexy skinhead/ultimate fighter/bonk way, or totally hate that and think I'm ugly or something.

For those negative Nancys, you can suck my balls (doing my best Cartman impression).

Books: The Phoenix, Videogames: in the beginning, Private Parts, Confessions of the Game Doctor, Hollywood Animal, ABC to the VCS.
Movies: Visitor Q, Ichi the Killer, Ninja Scroll, Cocaine Cowboys, Last Tango in Paris.
Music: hardcore, pop, industrial, death metal, synth pop.
Food: Everything, but I tend to eat pretty healthy.

I have too much to list and won't. Does anyone ever list porn?

1) My smart phone, apparently. I hate to admit that-- I really, really do.
2) Vodka. I don't drink much, but when I do vodka is the only one for me.
3) Food. Nigga gotta eat. Yeah, I typed the N word, but it's the cool hip version, right?
4) My space. No, not the shitty social network. I require me time, and hope you do too.
5) Perspective. I used to be a little too angry, but see there's a lot to be thankful for.
6) My balls. Yeah, I like to cum. My balls are kinda like that old Doritos commercial, "crunch all you want, we'll make more."

The late '80s and early '90s, especially when I drink. Things were very cool and uncomplicated for me back then. I wonder if I'll ever get back to something similar...

I'm on my knees with a kitchen knife pointed towards my chest. "Push my hand God, please." That or I'm chilling or out somewhere.

I'd cum 10 times harder if we were related.

If you can take a fuckin' joke and want to have fun. Also, don't have aids or anything itchy to pass along if things get casual. The only STD I'm up for are children, and we can take care of those by pretending your birth canal is an old vaudeville stage and our little undeveloped mass of mutant muck is bombing. We'll yank the little bugger "offstage" together.

Did I mention you need to be able to take a joke? If you're brave enough to get through this bravo to you, now it's time to talk!