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31 London, UK Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 18–33
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Oct 10
6' 2" (1.88m)
Body Type
Atheism and laughing about it
Doesn’t have kids but wants them
English (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Konichiwa bitches. Are you looking for the most kick-ass fucking boyfriend that ever lived? If so, look no further. You fucking found him. I'm a 30-year-old with tattoos, piercings and scruffy hair, but don't let that put you off! I'm also a professional with experience at bad-ass companies in London fucking City. That's right! What do you know about experience? I graduated from University and then decided to go travelling around the entire freaking world!!!

I now live back in London, but I don't live in some stinky shit-hole, I live with other people, which means I'm house trained to some degree, I even cook, I'll marinate some meat and put some seasonal veg with it, then I'll light a candle, that's fucking romance! Don't eat meat? That's fucking FANTASTIC! I'll make a zucchini and yellow squash carpaccio that will knock your fucking socks off.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I read a lot. I fucking LOVE books. Biographies, Fantasy, Self improvement. All that shit. Fucking smart. Do you like movies? I fucking love them. We can watch the shit out of some movies together if you like, or go get drinks, or work out, play wrestle, play video games or have a one on one beat box battle, or I don't have to talk to you at all. It's completely UP TO YOU!

I'm not racist or judgmental at all. I love everyone. I'm a secular humanist. I FUCKING LOVE PEOPLE. That's the only requirement to being a secular humanist actually. You have to like other human beings and want to help them for no other reason than they are human regardless of race, religion or sexual preference. WTF?!!!? Pretty fucking cool right?
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Being socially awkward.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Tattoos and the fact that I'm a scruffy cunt!
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Game of Thrones, Enter Shikari, Bodeans, Geordie Shore, Front Mag, Ellie Goulding, Frightened Rabbit...
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Unicorns, how I ended up working as an Eskimo rent boy a few years back and why the fuck no one replies to my glorious messages.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Have you seen Project X? My Friday is nowhere near that fucking cool.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I've had a snake poo on me... so I ate it and drank it's blood and bile! Moral of this story, don't poo on me.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If you got this far and you're still not sure about messaging me! Don't worry! I'll hook your ass up with Facebook links, background checks, credit reports, phone numbers, resumes, references, awards, sexual history, pictures of football trophies and a list of the top 10 women I'd like to bang before I die. If you want a next-generation boyfriend who consistently blows your fucking mind, then send me a message, I'm ready to take you out. if you're thinking, this dude is the one, but fuck he swore a lot in that, have a read back through, I didn't even use cunt! Well, perhaps once. Not liking the photos? Just let me know, I can take more and apply some filters for you! Problem solved!!

Please do not message me if any of the following apply to you:
- You're into animal cruelty, that s hits not funny.
- You're a member of a gang rape team
- You were previously male
- You are unable to ask questions or answer them with more than one word answers, it makes for real bad conversation :(

Do message me if you like:
- Oreo milkshake
- Pirates
- Tattoos, piercings or have crazy coloured hair
- Macaroni pictures, particularly of owls
- I have no problem if you are topless in your pictures or send me topless pictures