I am a man. A man in the world. I would probably never push a person down some stairs. I can reduce a mean steak sauce. I've read a few books in my day and I have no brand loyalty when it comes to toothpaste. I like streets and fields and trees and subway cars and yarn (well the idea of yarn)and old furniture and ties and rain and not rain.

Apparently I need to have more stuff here.

I really hate all this emotional vampire stuff thats been coming out lately. Those crappity-ass books and tv shows and that probably crappity-ass movie coming out are annoying.

I guess I should put that I really like NPR like all you other artistic open minded horse dogg maniacs.

I'm from New Orleans, and Virginia, and North Carolina and I have been in Chicago about a year.

Apparently if you are open minded OKC thinks you are "Kinky"

I can switch from immature to gravely serious if necessary. There is joy to be found in both.

I really like football and don't think you have to be dumb to do so even though a lot of football fans are extremely dumb.

I spent 6 months getting drunk in various regions in Japan. It was excellent.

I have a toothbrush shaped like a fire truck.

I considered putting the following as my only entry into the about me section:

Stout Player Wants To Pour Pink Zinfandel Onto His Firm Peepee While You Watch, Helpless

I live at 11 Via Verde in Achewood Estates and I need a Puerto Rican woman who's not afraid to break furniture during fights

PS I like Italian food and I like to Do It after I eat Italian food

Writin' plays. Looking for real jobs.

I'm also working on a novel I'll probably never finish that, right now, is called Flea Collar. I had a job at big company as a Sales Consultant but it was making my life Terrible so I kicked it to the curb. I think maybe I want to be a professor of literature of creative writing eventually but for now I don't need anymore school. I'll probably teach English in High School for a bit. I will get a bunch of inner-city kids to enjoy The Great Gatsby and compose rap songs about Hamlet. They'll perform it at the talent contest and raise the money to build a new library. Our story will be made into a movie by Miramax starring Nicholas Cage and/or Queen Latifah.

puns, trivia, existing in a certain place for several minutes, portmanteaus, eggs (cooking), eggs (eating)

I've been known to write, make people laugh, break a book down into its component pieces, play music on some instruments, ride my dang ol' bike around, and waste time pretty well

what a noticeable gentleman!

I'm gonna put a big list of books I've recently enjoyed to an extreme degree:

Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole
The Areas of my Expertiseby John Hodgman
Jernigan
and Preston Falls by David Gates
The Sportswriter by Richard Ford
basically anything by Cormac McCarthy
Breakfast of Champions by Kurt Vonnegut
Blindness by Jose Saramago
short stories by John Cheever
A Wild Sheep Chase by Haruki Murakami
Goat Singers of Alpha Centauri by Jane Burroughs
Americana by Don Delillo
The Moviegoer by Walker Percy
The Quiet American by Graham Greene
A Good Man is Hard to Find by Flannery O'Connor}}

not really a book but is extremely awesome: achewood by Chris Onstad

Music:

Tom Waits Ghostface Killah Boston about ten million bands www.last.fm/user/dirkbullit

Movies:

Jesus, I don't know Casablanca I'm tired of listing things.

food:

cooking food is the best thing ever in the world; it is neat.

french cooking cajun cooking japanese cooking chinese cooking we good here? apparently not. continuing on...

TV Shows:
Black Books, The IT Crowd, Look Around You, Arrested Development, Upright Citizens Brigade, Tim and Eric, 30 Rock, Jeopardy, all this and I really don't even watch that much tv.

Websites:
www.achewood.com www.wonkette.com www.amateurgourmet.com

my asthma inhaler
google
books
bikes
beer
whiskey
comedy
dinosaurs
my ability to disregard a list's length parameters

the cusses of 2 Live Crew

wearing clothes, polishing my prestigious awards, cooking intricate and/or simple dinners, not wearing clothes, fixing my bike, breaking my bike, doing crossword puzzles, drinking whiskey and yelling at streetlights/convenience store clerks, reminiscing about grade school nights of TGIF, weeping, learning about random things on wikipedia, taking cornbread behind the middle school and getting it pregnant (I love it that much)

I have no idea how to make a souffle. I use the thesaurus too much. I have a propensity towards falling down stairs. In the fifth grade my friend told me about a neighborhood girl who would "suck our dicks" and I didn't go because I was too scared. When I play scrabble I care more about playing difficult/obscure words than winning. I am embarrassed that I am continuing to write in order to get to the proscribed 1000 words. I have 1000 words in my profile.

your brain kind of moves your fingers in an angle toward the keyboard

"I've got to get a girlfriend, just for the summer, until this wears off. She'll be a summery girl. She'll have hair. She'll have summery friends who know how to be outside. She'll play tennis and wear dresses and have bare feet, and in the autumn, I'll ditch her, because she's my summer girl!"
-Bernard Black

If you like the stuff I like. You take Life seriously but not life. YOU LIKE ACHEWOOD. You realize that bikes aren't just for hipsters. You can teach me to play tennis. Not even Carolus Linnaeus could classify you. You aren't boring. You aren't someone who constantly tries to not be boring. You build forts and crawl inside the forts and read War and Peace in the fort.

YOU WANT TO START A BAND WITH LIKE 10 PEOPLE WHEREIN WE COVER GIRL TALK SONGS WITH ANALOG INSTRUMENTS