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SassBandit

28 Eureka, CA Woman

Woman

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I’m looking for

  • Men
  • Ages 26–50
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Jul 26
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 2″ (1.57m)
Body Type
Overweight
Diet
Mostly other
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Religion
Atheism
Sign
Scorpio
Education
Graduated from two-year college
Job
Other
Income
$50,000–$60,000
Status
Single
Type
Strictly monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Likes dogs and likes cats
Speaks
English (Fluently)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm a bad bitch. I'm a currently soon-to-be ex-fat chick that is a motherfucking goddess at any size... even fat-haters want me. I'm your fucking dream and I will likely remain just that, a fantasy.

I'm an artist, cook, writer, gamer, metalhead, girly-girl, hopeless romantic, domestic goddess, and a bit of a dork.

I can be a tad bit abrasive if you rub me the wrong way... like a porcupine.

I like to put googly eyes on things.

I make dick jokes. I make ass jokes. I turn everything into a sexual innuendo. If we have a close bond I WILL release my inner five year-old and giggle and call you out when you fart.

I censor myself very little. I like offensive jokes. They do not reflect my actual opinions. I think people need to lighten up and not take things so seriously.

I consider myself to be neither a democrat or a republican... I'm more of a middle of the road, libertarian sort of gal I suppose. I don't like to take a label because I'm not sure there is one that really fits me.

I'm an atheist and anti-religion but I will in no way stand in your way to practice yours because that is your right, just as it is my right to not practice and reject religion.

I strive to be a caring, loving, giving, completely devoted mate. I am a hopeless romantic. I am ridiculously devoted, loyal, and honest. My eyes do not wander and I do not stray.

I give a mean foot massage.

I sing my heart out even though I am terrible at it.

I like men who are a bit rough around the edges, even a bit possessive.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I currently am frequently back and forth between Seattle, preparing to move there for good in the upcoming months.

I'm a former aspiring chef turned maid and jack-of-all-trades. College failed me and now I simply exist. I cook. I write. I clean.

I clean houses for a living and am an errand girl. I really enjoy what I do. I'm almost always busy and am never in a place I can call home unless I'm in Seattle.

As for cooking, it's one of my biggest passions, but my interest in the hospitality industry has shifted more towards advertising and marketing.

My biggest passion though, is writing (which is where the journalism comes in). I mostly write fiction, I have a series of novels I am working on, currently and I am also a blogger.

I spend my free time writing, blogging, playing video games here and there, cooking, baking, cleaning, singing, planning, driving, late night booze binges, boning, making lists.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Cooking, baking, taking care of people.

Cleaning.

My mage and priest in World Of Warcraft are awesome... does that count? Yeah... thought not.

I write... I guess that's something. I do comic art. That's something else.

Giving head, but you'll probably never get to experience it.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My size and looks. I'm fat and rather unfortunate looking. I've am frequently told I am hideous or downright grotesque by passersby... It hurts, but whatever, they can go fuck themselves. I'm trying really hard to lose the weight so everyone else can just lick my ass. I try to look as nice as I can manage though.

Next they would notice that I wear amazing shoes, all the time and usually have amazing hair. Usually.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: I read a shit ton of comics... The Walking Dead (Robert Kirkman), Preacher (Garth Ennis), Hellboy (Mike Mignola), V For Vendetta (Alan Moore), Watchmen (Alan Moore), Transmetropolitan (Warren Ellis) to name a few... Non-comics include Henry Miller, Anais Nin, Irvine Welsh, Chuck Palahniuk, Neal Stephenson, and many, many more.

Movies: Secretary (<3<3<3), Pan's Labyrinth, Heavenly Creatures, Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, The Little Mermaid, Tangled (I'm a sucker for Disney films, not gonna lie...), The Devil's Rejects, Blazing Saddles, Snowpiercer, bad movies with lots of brutal violence and gore...

TV: Archer, Breaking Bad, Doctor Who, Hell on Wheels, Sons of Anarchy, Battlestar Galactica, LOST, Fringe, Metalocalypse (Nathan Explosion would be my animated lover...), Venture Brothers, Tim and Eric... Once Upon A Time is a guilty pleasure...Once Upon A Time is METH.

Anime: Pretty much can't stand anime except for a few of the older classics Evangelion, Gundam (Wing and earlier...), Cowboy Bebop, Akira, Mononoke Hime, anything Matsumoto Leiji, Sailor Moon...

Music:I like metal...so much metal. D&B, Grindcore, lots of electronic... a little of everything, really. But my absolute top three are ABBA, Savage Garden/Darren Hayes, and Florence and the Machine... BECAUSE I AM A FAG.

Apart from them...

Cannibal Corpse, Necrophagist, Morbid Angel, Obituary, Deicide, Slayer, Napalm Death, Black Dahlia Murder, Sepultura, Carnifex, Austrian Death Machine, Cradle of Filth, Cattle Decapitation, Within Temptation, After Forever, Epica, Dillinger Escape Plan, Danzig, Primus, Rings of Saturn, Napalm Death, Gojira, Ladytron, Miss Kittin, Covenant, Andrew WK, The Knife/Fever Ray, Electric Light Orchestra, VNV Nation, Mindless Self Indulgence, Akira Yamaoka, Mary Elizabeth McGlynn, Bear McCreary, Ween, Rammstein, KMFDM, Enigma, and a bunch more...

Food: Mexican food and sushi are probably my favourite foods... I could live off either. Sadly my pseudo-primal, grain-free, low-carb diet doesn't allow for most of those things so I have to improvise. Beef everything. Chicken. Sausages.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
- A working vehicle. I love driving... too much, probably.
- La Croix sparking water... I'm addicted.
- Sex... or at least a lot of self lovin'
- A working computer and an internet connection.
- Something to write with... either a pencil/pen and journal, laptop, desktop, etc.
- Music
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Writing, art, sex, nerdy things, cooking, work, my many projects, love, money, getting a new car, quantum theory...

"Doesn't the cat count as an observer?"
"Nah, it's pretty dark in that box."
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Working, on call for work, or partying with my boss.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Nope. Gotta find out for yourself.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
If you have similar interests and you aren't scared and/or completely disgusted by me... if you think we might click. Bonus if you are a metalhead.

Note that I am only looking for short term dating or friends. I am hopefully moving out of the area in the future and simply have no interest in getting into anything serious with anyone on here.

I don't do one night stands unless there is something super special and interesting about you... like if you had two functioning dicks, I'd be like "Sure! How often will I get this chance?" That's a big 'if' though... gotta bring something interesting to the table.

Don't like my attitude? Don't care. Fuck off. Don't like my views? Don't care. Eat a dick. Think I'm a desperate ugly fat cunt who deserves to be harpooned like the worthless whale you think I am? Yeah, don't care, I'm sorry you are so insecure with yourself that you feel the need to put people down... especially ones that are far more fab than you.

Until next time.

-J