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SassBandit

27 F Arcata, CA

My Details

Last Online
Online now!
Orientation
Straight
Ethnicity
White
Height
5′ 2″ (1.57m)
Body Type
Overweight
Diet
Mostly other
Smokes
No
Drinks
Socially
Drugs
Religion
Atheism
Sign
Scorpio
Education
Graduated from two-year college
Job
Other
Income
Less than $20,000
Relationship Status
Single
Relationship Type
Strictly monogamous
Offspring
Doesn’t have kids
Pets
Has dogs
Speaks
English (Fluently)

Similar Users

My self-summary
I'm an artist, cook, writer, gamer, metalhead, girly-girl, hopeless romantic, domestic goddess, and a bit of a dork.

I can be a tad bit abrasive if you rub me the wrong way... like a porcupine.

I like to put googly eyes on things.

I make dick jokes. I make ass jokes. I turn everything into a sexual innuendo. If we have a close bond I WILL release my inner five year-old and giggle and call you out when you fart.

I censor myself very little. I like offensive jokes. They do not reflect my actual opinions. I think people need to lighten up and not take things so seriously.

I consider myself to be neither a democrat or a republican... I'm more of a middle of the road, libertarian sort of gal I suppose. I don't like to take a label because I'm not sure there is one that really fits me.

I'm an atheist and anti-religion but I will in no way stand in your way to practice yours because that is your right, just as it is my right to not practice and reject religion.

I strive to be a caring, loving, giving, completely devoted mate. I am a hopeless romantic. I am ridiculously devoted, loyal, and honest. My eyes do not wander and I do not stray.

I give a mean foot massage.

I sing my heart out even though I am terrible at it.

I like men who are a bit rough around the edges.
What I’m doing with my life
Former aspiring chef turned maid. College failed me and now I simply exist. I cook. I write. I am the 1950s house waifu in a 4 bedoroom home tucked out in the edge of beautiful Sunny Brae.

I clean houses locally for a living; I have a handful of clients. and am casually searching for service industry job on the side to save up for a new car so I can expand my cleaning and organizing services, as well as being an errand girl. I really enjoy what I do. It really sucks that we all work so hard to just survive, that by the time we are done with work we have to turn right around and do the things to keep our homes and families running (cooking, cleaning, errands, etc) and never have time to actually enjoy our homes, families, and lives... so I see my job is to make it so people can have that time. Hopefully in the upcoming months I can expand that so that I, myself, can stop having to choose between money and

I'm not living a life of luxury, but I am surviving... moreso than I was at a shitty $8/hr 9-5, that's for sure... I'm certainly happier than I was working at a shitty min-wage crapshoot where you aren't even viewed as a real person.

As for cooking, it's one of my biggest passions, but my interest in the hospitality industry has shifted more towards advertising and marketing and hospitality journalism.

My biggest passion though, is writing (which is where the journalism comes in). I mostly write fiction, I have a series of novels I am working on, currently and I am also a food/beverage/tourism blogger, nutrition blogger (ketogenic, low-carb, gluten-free/celiacs, primal, ect.) Other topics of interest include sex and BDSM/Kink/Fetish, and many more.

I spend my free time writing, blogging, playing video games here and there, cooking, baking, cleaning, singing, planning, driving, and hanging out with my roomies...making lists.
I’m really good at
Cooking, baking, taking care of people.

Cleaning.

My mage and priest in World Of Warcraft are awesome... does that count? Yeah... thought not.

I write... I guess that's something. I do comic art. That's something else.
The first things people usually notice about me
My size and looks. I'm fat and rather unfortunate looking. I've am frequently told I am hideous or downright grotesque by passersby... It hurts, but whatever, they can go fuck themselves. I'm trying really hard to lose the weight so everyone else can just lick my ass. I try to look as nice as I can manage though.

Next they would notice that I wear amazing shoes, all the time.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Books: I read a shit ton of comics... The Walking Dead (Robert Kirkman), Preacher (Garth Ennis), Hellboy (Mike Mignola), V For Vendetta (Alan Moore), Watchmen (Alan Moore), Transmetropolitan (Warren Ellis) to name a few... Non-comics include Henry Miller, Anais Nin, Irvine Welsh, Chuck Palahniuk, Neal Stephenson, and many, many more.

Movies: Secretary (<3<3<3), Pan's Labyrinth, Heavenly Creatures, Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, The Little Mermaid, Tangled (I'm a sucker for Disney films, not gonna lie...), The Devil's Rejects, Blazing Saddles, bad movies with lots of brutal violence and gore...

TV: Archer, Breaking Bad, Doctor Who, Hell on Wheels, Sons of Anarchy, Battlestar Galactica, LOST, Fringe, Metalocalypse (Nathan Explosion would be my animated lover...), Venture Brothers... Once Upon A Time is a guilty pleasure.

Anime: Pretty much can't stand anime except for a few of the older classics Evangelion, Gundam (Wing and earlier...), Cowboy Bebop, Akira, Mononoke Hime, anything Matsumoto Leiji...

Music: I'm a huge metalhead... all kinds... Cannibal Corpse, Necrophagist, Morbid Angel, Obituary, Deicide, Slayer, Napalm Death, Black Dahlia Murder, Sepultura, Cradle of Filth, Cattle Decapitation, Within Temptation, After Forever, Epica, etc.

Non-metal bands include Florence and the Machine, Savage Garden, Darren Hayes, ABBA, The Knife, Electric Light Orchestra, VNV Nation, Damien Rice, Mindless Self Indulgence, Akira Yamaoka, Mary Elizabeth McGlynn, Bear McCreary, Ween, Rammstein, KMFDM, Enigma

Food: Mexican food and sushi are probably my favourite foods... I could live off either. Sadly my pseudo-primal, grain-free diet doesn't allow for most of the things I love.
The six things I could never do without
- A working vehicle. I love driving... too much, probably.
- La Croix sparking water... I'm addicted.
- Sex
- A working computer and an internet connection.
- Something to write with... either a pencil/pen and journal, laptop, desktop, etc.
- Music
I spend a lot of time thinking about
silly vanilla fantasies, fucked up kinky fantasies, writing, art, sex, nerdy things, cooking, my many projects, love, money, getting a new car, quantum theory...

"Doesn't the cat count as an observer?"
"Nah, it's pretty dark in that box."
On a typical Friday night I am
I usually stay in and watch movies and play games... or I stay in and drink with my roommates and a few other friends. I rarely go out any more.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I am NOT a "bit of a painslut" as previously stated. I AM a painslut. I love to be spanked, whipped, flogged, caned, etc. I can get off on it. I love my hair pulled. I love being slapped. I enjoy being choked. I love to be completely dominated by a man.

I am an open book when it comes to discussing my sexuality; it is the one part of me I am completely confident about and entirely at ease with.

Body confidence is something I do NOT have... however, I can be completely comfortable with fucking and/or being stripped down and beaten in front of a crowd of people but be completely mortified by the existence of an unflattering (they all are), fully clothed picture of me taken in a casual setting, like at a party.
I’m looking for
  • Guys who like girls
  • Ages 26–50
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For new friends, short-term dating
You should message me if
If you have similar interests and you aren't scared and/or completely disgusted by me... if you think we might click. Bonus if you are a metalhead. Bonus if you are kinky. Double bonus if you are you a kinky metalhead.