Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Well, where do we start? I grew up in a funeral parlor in Madison,
Pennsylvania with my dad Harry and my best friend Thomas J. My
mother died during child birth, something which I had always blamed
myself for. One summer Thomas J was stung to death by bees while
searching for my mood ring in the woods. I was having a hard time
talking to my dad about my menstrual cycle and...
That's actually the plot of My Girl.
This internet dating thing gives me the heebie jeebies, but well,
here I am.
I'm a 31 year old with a passion for dance that doesn't dance much.
I'm self educated or uneducated if you're an asshole (as far as
college, I've actually gotten a medical transcription certificate
that I NEVER USE *sob*) I may be a plebeian but I can tell you
useless trivia til' the bile rises in your throat.
I like making jokes about Fatty Arbuckle.
I have an essential tremor. My hands vibrate just ever so slightly
all the time. If you meet me, I swear to god I'm not nervous or
going through heroin withdrawals. I hate that name. Essential
tremor. Gotta have this tremor! It's not like Parkinson shaky so
stop feeling sorry for me.
I like to play the keyboards and draw little creepy pictures.
I have two cats that are so totally into me. If I keeled over dead,
it would take them two days tops before they fed on my corpse.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I work as a medication aide/nurse's aide in a nursing home.
Depending on most's perception, that makes me a saint or a scumbag.
I think I fall somewhere in the middle.
I also like to do charity work because I'm just that sort of
My charitable works include:
- Taking fashion photography of coma patients.
- Eating sandwiches in front of the homeless.
- Protesting feline abortions.
- Preaching Dianetics and handing out L. Ron's awful novels to
strangers on the bus.
- Jumping on trampolines and squealing with delight in front people
in wheel chairs.
- Violently shaking homosexual puppies til' they recant their
sinful life choice.
- Donating my time and energy to needy couches.
I play keyboards and record music on my computer for no good reason
that I can think of right now. I write jokes. We'll see how that
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Pogs. Love to play piano/synthesizers. I doodle. I likey video
games too. I can do a really bad Jimmy Stewart impression. Taking
care of old people (letting them off of their leashes, selling
their arts and crafts in bulk, it puts the lotion on it's skin,
etc.) Making jokes about taking care of old people.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My sense of humor. I'm kind of afraid of strangers (THEY MIGHT HAVE
KNIVES!) so I'm quiet at first. The folks I instantly have a
rapport with I would die for. I am super ghostly pale. Like Powder
but I can't bend spoons with mind powers.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
There'll be a few missing because in the time it took to write this
I probably got into like seven more of each. Here we go.
Books - The Long Walk. The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay.
The Great Gatsby. Stranger in a Strange Land. Wicked. Anything by
Mark Twain, Ambrose Bierce, Kurt Vonnegut, Flannery O' Connor or
Sarah Vowel. Edward Albee plays. The Road. The Stand. Geek Love.
The Onion. The Sataristas. Leaves of Grass. Anything about
Comic Books - Marvel comics. Books of Magic. Preacher. Lucifer. Top
10. Swamp Thing. The Sandman. 100 Bullets. Earth X. Eightball.
American Splendor. Most Batman (anything with the joker. Best
villain ever. Should get his own regular series.) Maus. David
Boring. The Goon.
TV - Deadwood. Nurse Jackie. The Wire. Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
Six Feet Under. Delocated. Wonder Showzen. Home Movies. The Shield.
True Blood. Curb Your Enthusiasm. It's Always Sunny in
Philadelphia. Louie. Seinfeld. Twin Peaks. The Larry Sanders Show.
Dexter. Modern Family. Pushing Daisies. Fringe. Eagleheart.
Battlestar Galactica. The League. Community. 30 Rock. The Office.
Parks and Recreation. Breaking Bad. The Walking Dead. Jersey Shore.
Trailer Park Boys.
Movies - Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Barton Fink. Dawn
of the Dead (70's Romero. Fast zombies blow.) 28 Days Later (With
this movie as an exception.) Marjoe. Happiness. Royal Tenenbaums.
No Country for Old Men. Winnebago Man. The Social Network. Ken
Burns docs. Maysles Brothers docs. Christopher Guest (Spinal Tap,
Best in Show, A Mighty Wind, etc.) Wet Hot American Summer. Black
Dynamite. Best Worst Movie/Troll 2. Superbad. Funny People. Some
Kind of Wonderful. The Devil and Daniel Johnston. The Warriors. The
Last Picture Show. The Aristocrats. I Heart the Huckabees.
Podcasts - Comedy Death Ray. Jordan, Jesse, Go! WTF. The Pod F
Tompcast. Hardcore History with Dan Carlin. This American Life.
RISK! Stuff You Missed in History Class. A.V. Talk. PRI: The Sound
of Young America. Talk Radar. The Memory Palace.
Music - Brian Eno. Kathleen Edwards. Frightened Rabbit. The Clash.
Joanna Newsom. Iron and Wine. Rilo Kiley. Harry Nilsson. Bon Iver.
Judee Sill. Robyn. Freddie Gibbs. M83. The Beatles. Beach House.
Azure Ray. Sufjan Stevens. Simon and Garfunkel. Neko Case.
Goldfrapp. The Smiths. Fleet Foxes. Cut Copy. Deerhunter. Grizzly
Bear. Osker. Aimee Mann. Santogold. Band of Horses. Passion Pit.
The Cure. Air. Belle and Sebastian. Arcade Fire. Wilson Pickett.
Jeff Hanson. Sinead O' Connor. The Postal Service. Sun Kil Moon.
Built to Spill. Sarah Blasko. Death Vessel. School of Seven Bells.
Food - Love it all. Except for those fucking pancakes.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Futility of Meaning.
Ideas for jokes/sketches.
Clowns having sex.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Ideally? Out playing drunken pinball at some bar, catching a good
stand up comedy show, or dancing like an idiot.
Typically? Hiding at home, reading weird shit about history (Fuck
his theorum, Pythagoras hated beans with a passion!) or watching
something awesome, like Becker. Just kidding.
Nobody watches Becker.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I have very little body hair. The hair on my arms is as invisible
as the Hollow Man. Without Kevin Bacon's invisiwiener.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
I like funny girls and comedy nerds alot. Nerdy girls in general
are awesome, especially if they read comic books. Also, cursing. I
loves me some profanity. I'm curious if there's somebody on here
who is 90 to 100% my enemy. If we met, would we have to destroy
each other? Love realists. Not so much idealists.
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.