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36 Chicago, IL Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 25-40
  • Near me
  • For new friends, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Today – 12:26pm
Relationship Type
6' 2" (1.88m)
Body Type
Not at all
Agnosticism and laughing about it
Dropped out of High school
Doesn’t have kids
English (Fluently), Spanish (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
First off, I have 12 kids. If that bothers you, MOVE ON. Second off, I don't support any of my children. If that doesn't bother you, I'd love to start a family with you. Now that we've gotten the pleasantries out of the way, HI! I'm 36. I live with my sister and her 8 children (stupid deadbeat dads). I push carts at a big box retail store where I work 25hrs a week. I spend more time playing video games than hours spent working in a week. I gave my all to five different jobs which I thought would be my career. None of them panned out that way. I don't have the ambition or drive to make another run at secured employment. I'm often tired. I don't like going outside. Crowds frighten me. At this point, I'm pretty much just waiting to die, but I am a celebrity on the social media platform If any of this interests you, send me a message!

UPDATE: Just scoffed at a girl for listing THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT as one of her favorite movies. Meanwhile, I sleep on a couch and don't own a car*.

Closest I've come to having sex in the last six months is throwing a summer sausage in the trash.

What are you waiting for? Message me!

UPDATE: I just moved to Chicago a few weeks ago. I'm in the Bridgeport area. I'm still getting used to getting around, but I'm close to the red line and am finding it pretty convenient for getting here and there.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Waiting to die.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Either my intellect or cock bulge.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Authors: James Ellroy, Kurt Vonnegut, Sarah Vowell

Movies: Network, Zodiac, Richard Pryor, Woody Allen (I should probably delete this one), Documentaries, Dr. Strangelove, Boogie Nights, Charlie Kaufman

Music: I grew up on Hip Hop. Still love it. Everything from MF Doom, to Cam'ron. I also like Wilco, Bonnie 'Prince' Billy, Frank Ocean, The Pixies, Nina Simone, Loretta Lynn, Townes Van Zandt, a lot of Rap and Outlaw Country

TV: Community, Broad City, Eric Andre, Adventure Time, True Detective, Bulls Games, Parks and Recreation, Better Call Saul
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1. Booty
2. Groceries
3. Eating the booty like groceries
4. Ginger Beer
5. Decent kitchen equipment (knife, tongs, saute pans)
6. Time to work out and/or decompress
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Groceries. Booty. Eating the booty like groceries.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Racing turtles.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
I'm a full-time caregiver for a family member who cannot do much for themselves and will be able to do increasingly less as time goes on. This isn't your typical 40 hours of full-time "work." It's an an early morning, all day, all night, requirement. My time to do anything for myself outside of the house is typically after 9pm or if I make arrangements to have my sister take over caregiver duties for a day/night I might want to get out of the house. These times are very limited.

This is why I'm only looking for friends on here right now. It'd be extremely difficult to go on dates with the hopeful intent of building toward a relationship. So, if you wanna hang out or go half on a baby, hit ya boy up.

(Started working out and healthy in the last year. Not really into broadcasting it or posting inspirational quotes online or preaching benefits of the lifestyle or anything. I do it for personal reasons and leave it at that. I still like fucking my face with garbage foods (hamburgers, pizza, etc) once or twice a week. I don't care if you work out or not.

*Among other jokey** falsehoods, I have a car and sleep in my own bed

**Totally subjective, I know

(I'm also not a Vine celebrity. Stop messaging me about that. Come on.)

(But I will eat the booty like groceries.)