Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
First off, I have 12 kids. If that bothers you, MOVE ON. Second
off, I don't support any of my children. If that doesn't bother
you, I'd love to start a family with you. Now that we've gotten the
pleasantries out of the way, HI! I'm 35. I live with my sister and
her son. I push carts at a big box retail store where I work 25hrs
a week. I spend more time playing video games than hours spent
working in a week. I gave my all to five different jobs which I
thought would be my career. None of them panned out that way. I
don't have the ambition or drive to make another run at secured
employment. I'm often tired. I don't like going outside. Crowds
frighten me. At this point, I'm pretty much just waiting to die,
but I am a celebrity on the social media platform Vine.com. If any
of this interests you, send me a message!
UPDATE: Just scoffed at a girl for listing THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT as
one of her favorite movies. Meanwhile, I sleep on a couch and don't
own a car*.
Closest I've come to having sex in the last six months is throwing
a summer sausage in the trash.
What are you waiting for? Message me!
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Either my intellect or cock bulge.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Authors: James Ellroy, Kurt Vonnegut, Sarah Vowell
Movies: Network, Zodiac, Richard Pryor, Woody Allen (I should
probably delete this one), Documentaries, Dr. Strangelove, Boogie
Nights, Charlie Kaufman
Music: I grew up on Hip Hop. Still love it. Everything from MF
Doom, to Cam'ron. I also like Wilco, Bonnie 'Prince' Billy, Frank
Ocean, The Pixies, Nina Simone, Loretta Lynn, Townes Van Zandt, a
lot of Rap and Outlaw Country
TV: Community, Broad City, Eric Andre, Adventure Time, True
Detective, Bulls Games, Parks and Recreation, Better Call Saul
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
3. Eating the booty like groceries
4. Ginger Beer
5. Decent kitchen equipment (knife, tongs, saute pans)
6. Time to work out and/or decompress
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Groceries. Booty. Eating the booty like groceries.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
I'm a full-time caregiver for a family member who cannot do much
for themselves and will be able to do increasingly less as time
goes on. This isn't your typical 40 hours of full-time "work." It's
an an early morning, all day, all night, requirement. My time to do
anything for myself outside of the house is typically after 9pm or
if I make arrangements to have my sister take over caregiver duties
for a day/night I might want to get out of the house. These times
are very limited.
This is why I'm only looking for friends on here right now. It'd be
extremely difficult to go on dates with the hopeful intent of
building toward a relationship. So, if you wanna hang out or go
half on a baby, hit ya boy up.
(Started working out and healthy in the last year. Not really into
broadcasting it or posting inspirational quotes online or preaching
benefits of the lifestyle or anything. I do it for personal reasons
and leave it at that. I still like fucking my face with garbage
foods (hamburgers, pizza, etc) once or twice a week. I don't care
if you work out or not.
*Among other jokey** falsehoods, I have a car and sleep in my own
**Totally subjective, I know
(I'm also not a Vine celebrity. Stop messaging me about that. Come
(But I will eat the booty like groceries.)
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.