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36 Northampton, MA Man


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I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 20-40
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Oct 17
7' 8" (2.34m)
Body Type
Atheism and it’s important
Dropped out of Two-year college
Has kid(s) and wants more
English (Fluently), French (Somewhat), Spanish (Somewhat), C++ (Fluently), Esperanto (Somewhat)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm so bad at describing myself, but here goes: I'm 36 years-old, which is like 'woah' but I feel like I have the heart of a 20 year-old. Actually, I have several 20 year-old hearts in my cooler, but you know what I mean...

I like being social. You know, like getting drinks with friends, bowling, delivering the final blow to failing civilizations, and feeding on weak mortals. My pasttimes include knitting, going to flea markets/yard sales, and watching roadshow antiques (you never really know what you have just laying around the house).

I'm pretty open to most experiences but I hate reading. I read some times, but it usually doesn't work for me due to my large claws. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like stories and such, but not in book format; audio books are a godsend!

All in all, I'm pretty cool...when it's not hunting season. Also, my kids come first, all 341 of them. So I hope you're into that. Otherwise, to the FIERY PITS OF MAQATAR WITH YOU!!!...Oh, and I'm also deeply devoted to my colony of Amphoids: Victory to the strong, hellfire to the weak! GROK GROK! (That's an inside joke)

NOTE: For all of you narcs out there who can't stand to see others happy and flag my pictures just because I don't look like you, I'm posting a message I recently received from an OKC member who shall remain anonymous:

"Thank you!! I don't know if you out this profile up as a joke it what be you have given me such a laugh I haven't experienced in a few days. I'm currently sick in bed with pneumonia and bronchitis and this just made my day. Doesn't take much.
Thanks again for the laugh!!!"

If you don't like me or my pictures, just ignore me- don't be a douchebag, as humans say. I just look a little different but my heart is just as cold as everyone else's.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Being a full time dad: driving the kids to soccer practice, taking them to the stupid dentist (which is often), trying to keep my cool at PTA meetings, and working on that play I keep putting off. How to pull off a Che Guevara musical! Oy vey!

I'm also a writer. Although I own transcription slaves and typists due to the size of my hands.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Cooking pad thai, turntablism, nuzzling adorably, sucking the bone marrow from my victims, synchro-mysticism, giving massages with my gigantic scaly hands, empathizing with female humans.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My scabies! J/k ROFL! That's so tasteless. No, but seriously, my eyes and leg meats.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: A Modest Proposal (on audio book)
Movies: Godzilla
Shows: One Tree Hill
Music: Crosby, Stills, and Nash
Food: Human, duh!
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
My broodlings.
My volvo.
The internets (lol, seriously!).
Tanning booths.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Gnawing on the spleens of children, who I will cuddle with on my lavish bear skin rugs, why Dean dumped Rory on the Gilmore Girls, the inevitable demise of mankind, GoBerry frozen yogurt.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Game night! Usually Scrabble and 'Cards Against Humanity', obviously.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm afraid of going to the dentist...and the bathroom.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You're willing to submit your body to my broodlings, for our spawn shall rule the four corners of this primitive domain!

...Also, if you're single and aren't looking for just a one-night stand. Insensitivity INFURIATES me!