I'm so bad at describing myself, but here goes: I'm almost 40 years-old, which is like 'woah' but I feel like I have the heart of a 20 year-old. Actually, I have several 20 year-old hearts in my cooler, but you know what I mean...

I like being social. You know, like getting drinks with friends, bowling, delivering the final blow to failing civilizations, and feeding on weak mortals. My pastimes include knitting, going to flea markets/yard sales, and watching roadshow antiques (you never really know what you have just laying around the house).

I'm pretty open to most experiences but I hate reading. I read some times, but it usually doesn't work for me due to my large claws. I mean, don't get me wrong, I like stories and such, but not in book format; audio books are a godsend!

All in all, I'm pretty cool...when it's not hunting season. Also, my kids come first, all 341 of them. So I hope you're into that. Otherwise, to the FIERY PITS OF MAQATAR WITH YOU!!!...Oh, and I'm also deeply devoted to my colony of Amphoids: Victory to the strong, hellfire to the weak! GROK GROK! (That's an inside joke)

Being a full time dad: driving the kids to soccer practice, taking them to the stupid dentist (which is often), trying to keep my cool at PTA meetings, and working on that play I keep putting off. How to pull off a Che Guevara musical! Oy vey!

Cooking pad thai, turntablism, nuzzling adorably, sucking the bone marrow from my victims, synchro-mysticism, giving massages with my gigantic scaly hands, empathizing with female humans.

My scabies! J/k ROFL! That's so tasteless. No, but seriously, my eyes and leg meats.

Books: A Modest Proposal (on audio book)
Movies: Godzilla
Shows: One Tree Hill
Music: Crosby, Stills, and Nash
Food: Human, duh!

My broodlings.
My volvo.
The internets (lol, seriously!).
Milk.
Tanning booths.
Ellen.

Gnawing on the spleens of children, who I will cuddle with on my lavish bear skin rugs, why Dean dumped Rory on the Gilmore Girls, the inevitable demise of mankind, GoBerry frozen yogurt.

Game night! Usually Scrabble and 'Cards Against Humanity', obviously.

I'm afraid of going to the dentist...and the bathroom.

You're willing to submit your body to my broodlings, for our spawn shall rule the four corners of this primitive domain!

...Also, if you're single and aren't looking for just a one-night stand. Insensitivity INFURIATES me!