Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
I'm so bad at describing myself, but here goes: I'm almost 36
years-old, which is like 'woah' but I feel like I have the heart of
a 20 year-old. Actually, I have several 20 year-old hearts in my
cooler, but you know what I mean...
I like being social. You know, like getting drinks with friends,
bowling, delivering the final blow to failing civilizations, and
feeding on weak mortals. My pasttimes include knitting, going to
flea markets/yard sales, and watching roadshow antiques (you never
really know what you have just laying around the house).
I'm pretty open to most experiences but I hate reading. I read some
times, but it usually doesn't work for me due to my large claws. I
mean, don't get me wrong, I like stories and such, but not in book
format; audio books are a godsend!
All in all, I'm pretty cool...when it's not hunting season. Also,
my kids come first, all 341 of them. So I hope you're into that.
Otherwise, to the FIERY PITS OF MAQATAR WITH YOU!!!...Oh, and I'm
also deeply devoted to my colony of Amphoids: Victory to the
strong, hellfire to the weak! GROK GROK! (That's an inside
NOTE: For all of you narcs out there who can't stand to see others
happy and flag my pictures just because I don't look like you, I'm
posting a message I recently received from an OKC member who shall
"Thank you!! I don't know if you out this profile up as a joke it
what be you have given me such a laugh I haven't experienced in a
few days. I'm currently sick in bed with pneumonia and bronchitis
and this just made my day. Doesn't take much.
Thanks again for the laugh!!!"
If you don't like me or my pictures, just ignore me- don't be a
douchebag, as humans say. I just look a little different but my
heart is just as cold as everyone else's.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Being a full time dad: driving the kids to soccer practice, taking
them to the stupid dentist (which is often), trying to keep my cool
at PTA meetings, and working on that play I keep putting off. How
to pull off a Che Guevara musical! Oy vey!
I'm also a writer. Although I own transcription slaves and typists
due to the size of my hands.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Cooking pad thai, turntablism, nuzzling adorably, sucking the bone
marrow from my victims, synchro-mysticism, giving massages with my
gigantic scaly hands, empathizing with female humans.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My scabies! J/k ROFL! That's so tasteless. No, but seriously, my
eyes and leg meats.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Books: A Modest Proposal (on audio book)
Shows: One Tree Hill
Music: Crosby, Stills, and Nash
Food: Human, duh!
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
The internets (lol, seriously!).
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Gnawing on the spleens of children, who I will cuddle with on my
lavish bear skin rugs, why Dean dumped Rory on the Gilmore Girls,
the inevitable demise of mankind, GoBerry frozen yogurt.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Game night! Usually Scrabble and 'Cards Against Humanity',
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm afraid of going to the dentist...and the bathroom.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You're willing to submit your body to my broodlings, for our spawn
shall rule the four corners of this primitive domain!
...Also, if you're single and aren't looking for just a one-night
stand. Insensitivity INFURIATES me!
Who are you looking for?
This helps us know who to show you on OkCupid.