Rick: Oh, he's just like any other man, only more so.
UPDATE: New Added Bonus section at bottom !
You don't know me.
But you know you.
So let's talk about you..
and that will say a lot about me & us.
Now here's what's NOT on the menu at Ricks Café.
Please DO NOT contact me if...
You are looking for a cyber chat buddy to engage in endless & pointless messaging.
You posted a pic of your car or Harley without you in it ! It's POF.. not AutoTrader.. even worse.. you define yourself by your possessions.
You posted a pic of your pet.. without you in it ! If your cat wants to be on OKCupid ..they'll create their own profile.
You can only afford to pay the minimum monthly payment on your credit card .. but you've got 40 pairs of shoes in your closet !
You have children under 16 yrs old living at home full-time.
You have more than three pets.. and they all sleep with you in your bed.
You have more than 4 tattoos.. and joining a circus sideshow is on your bucket list.
You use the word "dude" somewhere in your profile.
Your ex just got out of prison.
You just got of prison.
You still live in some bygone era where the man always opens your door and is always on top.
You want to be "friends first"... "No man can be friends with a woman he is attracted to." When Harry Met Sally (1989)
You have scoured the innermost secrets of your soul to describe yourself.. and the best you could muster up was "I like trucks."
You crack a fingernail and it ruins your day.
You are a "just" girl.. just looking.. just browsing.. just checking it out.. just don't know what you're looking for.
You start most sentences with "I" eg. "I am self-centered."
You have "Must love dogs", "Must love Jesus" or "Must love ballroom dancing" in your profile.
You don't realize life is short.. and aren't prone to occasionally saying.. WTF.
You are unwilling to quickly move communication from messages to a phone call.
If I do not reply.. don't take it personally.
This is just online dating. Not WWII.
I'm sure you're a great woman.. just not my woman.
I hope you find what you're looking for and wish the same for me.
joie de vivre
spending winters in warm climates
shiny happy people
random acts of kindness
the great outdoors
AND NOW... THE ADDED BONUS !
My collection of the least enticing comments from women's profiles.. verbatim.. and unedited..
.. i can f- up your day on so many levels, if u piss in my cereal, so let's be smart n keep it friendly.... love is the word of the day.
.. I dont like guys whos only interests are pornos work drink beer oh ya and watch more pornos play video games save up all your money while you live with your girlfriend then move out.
.. I am looking for the man that will heal the scars of a 23 yr marriage that should have ended the first year.
.. One of the things I really enjoy is touring lighthouses.
.. I want to enjoy the sexual tension for a couple months.
.. My dog, zoey, takes up a bit of my time, but i will always make time for the right guy.
.. Am extremely busy so I do not have a lot of time but will take time out for someone special.
.. If you tell me you love dogs, but don't want to touch mine, there won't likely be a second date.
.. I guess you would call me a New Aged Tibetan Buddhist.
.. I'm sure that God has a fantastic sense of humor; we should laugh with Him daily!
.. I am not 'religious' either....I don't believe in man-made doctrine, but in the Word of God.
.. PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT ME IF YOU SMOKE OR PLAN ON SLEEPING WITH SOMEONE BEFORE MARRIAGE!
.. I am a Christian and Live my life for God and what he would want me to do.
.. Something keeps me breathing as I sleep .... I call that intelligence GOD!
.. I have found that I'm (truly) like a majority of the profiles out there - whether those are all true, we know they are not always.
.. I Expect You to Meet Courtship Standards.
.. I expect you to lead the courtship with traditional values.
.. Anything you need to know about how to treat a woman can be found in a Cary Grant movie, go rent one.
.. I don't have time or the patience to groom you into a grown man that you should already be.
.. My kids are still a big part of my life, which means I am available around their schedules and needs.
.. I work evenings 3-11...I have tues/Wed off.... so would be nice to meet someone with the same.
.. I'm not saying I would never date a man who doesn't have kids, but it would have to be a serious discussion.
.. I love a man with a good sense of style and nice footwear!
.. Always had a soft spot for a man with stylin footwear.
.. Ya a bit quirky but shoes say a lot about a guy.
.. I have sacrificed vacations, relationships and hobbies for YEARS in pursuit of my professional goals and now its finally time for ME!
.. I don't want sex, even after we marry.
.. I am a dirty girl and need someone who can embrace (and hopefully exploit) that in me. Not looking for hook ups.
.. I would like my man to fix my truck and know exactly when I'm ready to f**k.
.. I am LDS, that means No sex before marriage, PERIOD.
.. I do not know; if I will ever marry again and that; I will never know the answer to... unless it were to actually happen.
.. You must like cats and be willing to move.
.. If you can tolerate a bit of cat hair, and don't mind folk music...send me a message!
..Tank top and jeans kind of girl who grew up in a Ford family. Currently starting to save for my dream truck.
.. In Loving Memory of Midnight Our Cat Angel In Heaven April 22 2013 We Miss You Dearly.
.. Oh and you MUST love dogs & Morrissey (my dog in particular) if not, he has a keen sence of intuition & will piss on you!!!!
.. I bore easily.
.. I'm selfish, impatient & a little insecure.
.. I make mistakes, I am out of control, & at times hard to handle.
.. I like history ( thanks to Glenn Beck )
.. I am currently living with my ex-boyfriend & we get along great as friends & roommates, but it's akward at times!
.. THE PERFECT MAN...A man who has patience, as I can be a pain in the ass...
.. My goal is to find a fellow my age, get remarried, travel the world with my husband, and settle down in my mansion.
.. First Date.. Take me out to dinner at the Olive Garden. Then take me to a scary movie, next lets go window shopping.
.. I believe the chivalry in a gentlemen will determine what the first date should be. What will you do to impress me?
.. I DO NOT like HAIRY face........that will be a delete ......can not stand the texture..
.. I love to travel and one of my goals is to visit all the lighthouses in the United States.
.. I used to operate my own business for several years, self teaching myself about taxidermy and competing in competitions in the USA and Canada.
.. If u know how to handle a tractor and stack a hay mow u will definitely impress me for sure !!
.. I hope to find this..the man who calls you back when you hang up on him.
.. When I wake, the devil says "CRAP, SHE'S UP"
.. I have 3 kids Jefree 29, Bill 29, and Carla 25. I have 4 grandchildren. Harriet 4, Mason 7, Jill 6, and Maddy 2. I have 3 parrots Crackers, Cookie, and Coco.
.. I enjoy playing the bagpipes.