I am a bitterly sarcastic misanthrope.
I also like hats, though I don't tend to wear them very often. I have a nice collection.

I'm currently a Junior majoring in Computer Science at Purdue (Home for the summer). The plan is currently to use this skill to allow myself to trade my labor for enough currency to allow myself to barter for enough food to survive the harsh Indiana winters. Or possibly something in game development.

While I'm busy carefully procrastinating my way through my degree, I'm mostly playing various video games, staring at Reddit for long hours, working with a smallish club to develop a video game, and eating roughly enough food to prevent myself from dying of malnutrition.

Computers, mainly. Computer programming, building computers, using computers, talking to computers, raising computers, teaching computers to be a productive member of society.

I'm also good at terrible jokes, procrastination, grammar, programming, insomnia, and remembering useless information.

I am told that I am remarkably human in appearance. Never once have I been mistaken for a grandfather clock or a sofa. A statue, sure, but they tend to be pretty human looking anyway so it's a pretty reasonable mistake.

After people note that I'm human, I expect they tend to notice that I'm a male human, or that I have glasses or something boring like that.

Books: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. All 5 books of the trilogy. I've read them all quite a few times. Unfortunately, I don't actually have any copies of it right now because I keep giving it to people to make them read and they never give it back. Every other book Douglas Adams wrote is amazing, also.

Beyond that, Gödel Escher Bach: The Eternal Golden Braid by Douglas Hofstadter, which is an absolutely amazing book that basically starts by covering basic logic and moves to the foundations of consciousness, and covers everything in between. It's an amazing book. You should read it.

The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins, which was my first introduction to really how evolution works. It really impressed me how elegant evolution is. Evolution is an absolutely beautiful theory, and Dawkins does a great job of introducing that.

Beyond those, 1984 by George Orwell, Brave New World by Aldous Huxley, Slaughterhouse 5 by Kurt Vonnegut.

Movies: All the Monty Python movies, The Prestige, Being John Malkovich, Fight Club, others, probably. I like a lot of movies. It's hard to pick favorites.

Shows: Breaking Bad, which is amazing and you should watch it. The Wire, which is also amazing. Also, Game of Thrones, Simpsons, Futurama, House, Sherlock, Doctor Who, Torchwood, Arrested Development.

Music: Complete History of the Soviet Union Arranged to the Melody of Tetris

Food: Steak, lobster, Chick-Fil-A sandwiches.

Oxygen, humor, humors, Internet, information, language

I know I should quit the first one, but every time I try to quit cold turkey I experience the most terrible withdrawal symptoms imaginable. It's a horrible addiction.

And I hate when my black bile gets all out of whack and I get all melancholy. It's a terrible affliction.

This question. Every time I try to check what I'm currently thinking about it always turn out that the only thing in my head is trying to figure out what I'm thinking about. How can I observe what I'm thinking about without interrupting my thoughts? What if the only thing I ever think about is what I'm thinking about? How could I tell? Maybe I never think about anything except when I'm thinking about thinking. This question is complicated and I don't see how it's possible to answer.

I believe anyone who answers this question is either lying or actually cares about the spirit of questions.

Dungeons and Dragons.

Or Internet.

Or video games.

Or programming.

Or playing video games on the internet while programming.

How do you define most private? How can one thing be more private than any other? Isn't private binary? And if I'm willing to admit it on a public profile, is it really private? What the hell does private even mean?

I'll just make a list of things I'm willing to admit and you can pick whichever has the highest privacy rating for you:

1. I have downloaded copyrighted media in the past without permission from the copyright holder.
2. I have all the standard body parts and have not lost any so far.
3. I have never killed anyone that I know of.
4. I occasionally have to read critical reviews before I form an opinion on media I have just experienced.
5. I am hilarious.
6. I have two unused routers and several hundred feet of ethernet cable within arms reach of my desk.
7. I am always honest.
8. I'm so good at procrastinator that I actually give lessons. Mention this ad and get 50% off your first session.
9. I am an experienced Himalayan mountain climber with over 50 successful expeditions.
10. I occasionally lie.
11. I like science.
12. I'm a quiet person.
13. I built my own computer.
14. If I were a bit, I'd be a 1.
15. I find chocolate to have a pleasing flavor.
16. I have hair, both facial and scalpal, among other places.
17. I have a tendency to not sleep.

There, that's every single bit of information I'm willing to admit. Please select the one you find to be most private and disregard all others to fulfill this section's requirement.

you can manage to be wittier than me.

Or if you like hats. Hats are nice.