DO YOU have an escape plan where your girlfriend calls you with a fake emergency for a bad date?
DO YOU show up on a date looking like a star, while he shows up looking like a 35 year old high school student?
ARE YOU tired of having to use single-syllable words and dumb down that Masters Degree for a community college drop out?
ARE YOU tired of seeing more red flags than at a NASCAR event?
ARE YOU tired of your texts being returned the NEXT day?
HAVE YOU had enough of beer-guts and sports bars?
DOES IT make you wanna choke someone out when you read profiles that misuse THEIR, THERE, or THEY'RE?
Then guess what, YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT PROFILE!! Tell them what she wins, Alan. You win, a first-class, all-expense paid date with a grown man, who has all of the accoutrements that a grown man should have! You won't have to sneak past his roommate to go to the kitchen. You won't have to loan him gas money, or worry about getting into a brawl with his babymama, because guess what? He hasn't one! Wait, there's more! You also win the experience of a man who would rather CALL you than text for the next several weeks!! (Cue streamers, confetti, and sound-effects) So break out that dress you have been dying to wear. Dust off that Masters Degree education...and feel free to use it! You ...are....the ...winner...of the grand prize.
A MAN! Now on with the show!
I know. I know. Information. You all want info...so you can do a powerpoint comparison to see if our hobbies match up! So, I am from Los Angeles...suffering from segregated social interaction culture shock! I moved here 7 long years ago. Long story short...my parents moved here my last year in college. I did not. Dad ditched mom. Mom had no job. Sons came. All is well, Mom has a new deadbeat (remember..women love to repeat cycles, even mom)....but I am there to catch the fall. I am a singer, in a band. We got signed a year or so ago, after 94 years of effort...so, you know two things about me from that. I never quit, and I am loyal to whatever, or whomever I believe in...until the end. I travel often...have been to places like Bora Bora and Tanzania. New Zealand and Hong Kong. My mother raised me to be multi-faceted, interesting, and to understand what the role of a man is. I am a man. I dress like a man. Act like a man. Take care of business like a man. I know you have heard of us. Want to meet one? The goal of my life is to create an environment of spiritual, financial, and emotional safety for the future yin to my yang. I have done the date date date thing...told tall tales to get some tail, but now..I am beyond ready to check out that other mythical thing...for real. You know, be that someone who listens while you complain about your crazy co-worker...while I sit, and nod and occasionally chime in with a well-timed "that b....... is crazy!" All I ask is that you feed me. You do not have to even cook it (I am getting a chef when I get hitched)..just make sure it is in the house...and I will always make sure you have things like electricity and a clean car (full of gas), because for some reason....women are against visiting a car wash..ever. You just wait until it rains. Go outside and look at your car, right now.
See ...you need me. Teamwork makes the dream work.