Robespiranha_3D
34 Brooklyn, NY
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Robespiranha_3D
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My self-summary
They say I am a strange, wonderful man.

New to New York (Because I had problems with my sleep) I'm not gonna say something cheesy like "Show me around!" Because I know native NYer's aren't tour guides (But if you can tell me inexpensive places to eat besides dollar pizzas, I'd be obliged!)

I'm a series of contradictions. I'm a loner who seems to be a magnet for people (Like a human version of Stone Soup). I say things that are funny and sad at the same time. I crave culture, but I think nothing's more beautiful than nature. I'm a big history buff, but talk of the "good old days" irritates me. I'm a kind of a born devil's advocate in a world of diminishing majority opinion.

In short, I'm someone worth getting to know, at least so you can say you did it.

By the way, I find the (waning) stigma against online dating dumber than online dating itself. "Oh, you need a computer to help with dating?" Well, yeah. I think in a world of gender equality and no dowries, this is actually the best way.
What I’m doing with my life
I conform to the system by working in a bookstore, but by night I do stand-up comedy. I travel around the Northeast a lot, so I'm always looking to meet new people. I'm not super famous or anything yet, but I am on a published calendar. It has its ups and its downs, but I've been paid hundreds of dollars to talk about centaurs, and is that not the kind of thing this country was founded upon?
I’m really good at
I'm most proud my ability to extract the element oxygen, from the atmosphere (which is mostly made of poisons, but I know how pick out the good stuff) and convert it into my blood. I can also breathe out carbon dioxide, which helps plants grow. So you know that lovely tree outside? You're totally welcome.

I'm not a bad cook for transient bachelor. I make a mean salsa dip with potatoes that I call "Nacho Pichu". I have a reputation for trivia, I don't deserve--there are severe gaps in my knowledge. (particularly sports). But I guess once you know what a "Phalanx" is, people assume you know what everything is.
The first things people usually notice about me
People seem to like my beard a lot. People like my beard so much that I think it resents being confined to me. One day I'm going to way up, my face cold, and then I'm going to see my beard on GQ Magazine. Not on some famous guy. Just my beard. A la carte.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
It's actually pretty hard to list my favorites, as I'm what some say in hushed tones a "Culture" vulture. I like to catch up on the biggest summer blockbusters, the most acclaimed movies, and the most idiosyncratic cult favorites. I think to me the five saddest words are "Have no interest in seeing". I'm not a pop music guy per se, but I still appreciate any song for capturing that moment in time, like an ant in amber, but arguably less sticky. I guess you could say I'm kind of a sheep in that I get this Pavlovian need to consume certain genres in their designated times. I'm definitely a bookworm in the colder months, but I'm all about superheroes once it gets warmer.

My favorite food of all is tacos, and anything taco-like, even those weird combinations Taco Bell thinks Mexican people actually eat.
The six things I could never do without
Fall foliage, tacos, swimming, reading material, stagetime, the internet and the various tubes that connect it.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
How social conservatism and economic conservatism really make no sense joined together. And how the 90's was 50's for liberals.

America as a medieval version of itself.

Why women from foreign countries think I'm cuter than people from my home state.
On a typical Friday night I am
Stationary, in a cleansing trance where I expel all my evil into an external manifestation. However, this personification gains a self-awareness and independence, and goes on a reign of terror, comitting atrocities to slake its unslakeable base desires. Hence, it falls to me to slay this monstrous side of me, this Tiamet to my Marduk. But in committing cold-blooded murder, I defile my own purity, re-sowing the seeds of evil back into my person, and starting the cycle anew.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I have video game files saved that I don't want to override because they were from before my dog died, which is pretty dumb because my dog didn't even like video games.

Also, I should mention my hair is thinning, if you can tell. It's annoying, because I don't look like it unless surrounded by unflattering lighting. It makes me feel like I'm trying to trick people.
You should message me if
This section is funny because I'm pretty sure due to gender dynamics and the supply-and-demand aspect, most guys do the messaging. scene as possible. But hey, let's destroy gender norms together! In any case, message me if you see my profile and find I'm outside your listed and thought "Oh no! My enacting standards scared him off! Damn you, attempts at quantifying love!"
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