Find better matches with our advanced
matching system

—% Match
—% Enemy


33 Seattle, WA Man


I’m looking for

  • Women
  • Ages 22–36
  • Near me
  • For new friends, long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Online now!
5′ 10″ (1.78m)
Body type
Strictly other
Graduated from university
Doesn’t have kids
Likes dogs and likes cats
English (Fluently)

Similar Users

My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Thank you for clicking on my face. You wouldn't know it by my physical appearance, but I am actually quite physically attractive, and you are definitely physically attracted to me. Take my word for it.

Things about me:

My sense of humor is disgusting, vulgar, ribald, morose, dark, un-redeemable and completely without merit; truly a man of ill repute.

If we exchange messages I will probably ask you to happy hour or something else fairly quickly. I'd just rather meet in person... don't make it weird.

I am sincerely "un-hip"... hopefully you would describe that as "charmingly un-hip", and not "tragically un-hip". This is ok though, because I'm open minded and willing to talk about why you love the new [POPULAR SOCIAL FAD 253B] so much.

I'm originally from Southern California and I moved to WA two years ago. My time here has consisted of design, dive bars, waxing poetic, petting dogs, being compared to the unibomber, and having conversations with strangers in bars.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
Career stuff at a tech company... I know, I live in Seattle and work in tech; magical unicorn.

When I moved to Seattle (where I knew no one) I did so for no particular reason. After being here about a year I decided I should buy a house... for no particular reason. And now I'm filling out an online dating profile... you can probably figure out the reason for this one.

Kickball/soccer/random sporting events.

Living in adult Disneyland.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Using a method of sarcasm which is so subtle it cannot be perceived by most human brains, leaving the other person to miss the sarcastic device, get mad at me, and sometimes de-friend on Facebook.

Words. I subscribe to "word of the day" emails... if you send me a response back with "WORD OF THE DAY!" I will reply back with today's entry.

Lists. To the point that sometimes when I get something done, and it wasn't on a list, I will write that item down and then cross it out.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
Certainly not the final fantasy hair.

That I talk loud. I can't help it... I have the type of voice which tends to carry and when I'm excited about something I tend to RAISE MY VOICE WHEN I TALK ABOUT IT AND... oh, sorry... see, that's what I was talking about...
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
Music: Do you like Phil Collins? I've been a big Genesis fan ever since the release of their 1980 album, Duke. Before that, I really didn't understand any of their work. Too artsy, too intellectual. It was on Duke where Phil Collins' presence became more apparent. I think Invisible Touch was the group's undisputed masterpiece. It's an epic meditation on intangibility. At the same time, it deepens and enriches the meaning of the preceding three albums.

I eat any type of food-- any. Especially foods that others tend to loathe because I like things that are distinct. The exception to this is gefilte fish. I honestly believe the jews are just trolling us with this gelatinous mess.

I read a lot... judging by what other people usually list in this category for books, I am probably familiar with the authors you read.

TV: Its Always Sunny, Archer, whatever I can binge watch on Netflix

Movies: Yes, lets go to the movies!
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
1. Listing
2. Pattern recognition
3. Long conversations over craft cocktails
4. The awesome tension of awkward moments, and the weird sexual tension on a date right before the spot where we makeout.
5. Sense of humor
6. "Local spots"

7. Early mornings, with time, coffee, and a book.
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Lots of people have recently told me I remind them of Archer. I'm now wondering if that's a polite way of telling me I'm a bit of a dick.

The Universe. The increasingly likely idea that this universe and everything we have ever known is a hologram.

Why so many people have the ubiquitous weird-angled pictures of themselves rockclimbing. I rock climb on occasion and I think its great that you do as well, but cant you just tell me you like to rock climb, and Ill take your word for it? I think I already know what you look like when rock climbing 200 yards away... like a speck of a human in a harness against a rock cliff. It's tough to tell the difference between you/anyone else/Danny Devito in some of the rockclimbing pics.

Why every profile on this site says something like "let's go on an adventure" but I show up to ONE date with my grappling hook and suddenly I'm the weirdo...
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
Probably watching "Dateline". If your new spouse wants to go scuba diving on your honeymoon, he/she is trying to kill you.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I once dropped a girl off after a date and said, "Goodnight, I'll most likely kill you in the morning"... and she was the only girl in my demographic who hadn't seen The Princess Bride. Awkward.

I just dont care about instagram.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You can make a funny "Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia" reference and would like me to respond in kind.

You are the type of person who orders something off a menu specifically because you don't know what it is.

You like awesome fun.

You want to have weekend brunch.

You like bar trivia, and would like a partner.

You can have a conversation without just asking questions.