Issuing supreme power to you...one moment.

My self-summary Propose an edit

I'm me.I'm not here to be your lap dog, your whore, your interest. I don't pretend to be perfect and I don't pretend to be special. I can be a wreck sometimes and a borderline hypochondriac and I've done things to myself which I can't undo and in that process I've lost some people I care about, but all of those things make me who I am. I can't change now and even if I could I don't think I'd want too.

I am happy with myself and my past I have come to terms with and I won't be pitted against my self for anyone's pleasure. I can be skittish at times and timid when it comes to certain things, but I have a mind and opinions and I have reasons for being the way I am. If you care maybe one day you'll find out.

I'm sick of being toyed with, of being hurt, and so if you do it to me don't expect me to stick around. As sweet and nice as I can be I can be cold- no, not a bitch, just cold, icy. It's my protection and I will wield it to it's full extent if I'm attacked.

My friends I would do anything for- a few of you know that. I'll sit up with you at all hours talking, consoling, being a friend but I don't expect that in return. It never seems to be fulfilled. I don't expect anything from those I care about because I'm tired of being hurt in return and it's easier if I don't expect anything- so don't ask.

I don't trust easily, though I might give off that guise. I don't show emotion easily if it is anything other than excitement or happiness. And I don't share with people my feelings on a whim. I'm vulnerable to what people say no matter what anyone likes to think.

I have a guilt complex and it sometimes affects things I do, but you know what, it's gotten better over the years- a lot better. It's just something that continues to exist in me.

I love sad songs and I love romance- so much so that at times the two intermingle and I don't know where one stops and the other begins. I lose myself in things I can't have and naively am blind to those that exist in front of me. I'm tired of giving my heart to people, but I'm not bitter.

I have this strong need to be reassured. I need to know that I'm wanted, needed, or desired. I need that emotional support and if I don't get it I get distant very very quickly- not because of you but because I don't know how to respond.

I don't seek your acceptance or your trust and I don't expect you to understand me, because honestly I don't always understand myself. I don't understand but I seek to discover, and if you ask the right questions I can tell you almost anything. I won't change for you and I won't let you change for me. I value who you are and I accept everything you have to offer, but I won't follow blindly.

And some random things about me:

* I am probably one of the most modest people you know. I'm shy to a fault at times, I can accept compliments graciously, but I'll probably think you need your eyes checked or something of the sort.

* I'm a sucker for pretty words and I fall easily but I can hide it pretty well. If you show me attention and I actually talk to you there's a chance I'll slip into stereotypical school girl crush syndrome. But I'll never tell you. I'm not setting myself up for failure. Despite this I am loyal to a fault. Not cloistering, I'll never infringe, but if you've got me- you've got me 100%. I would do most anything for the boy or girl I'm with.

* Most of my friends are "normal" so the speak, so don't let my appearance put you off. ^^ I'm actually pretty down to earth. ^^

* Boys in makeup, specifically eyeliner, make my knees weak. As do males in uniform. Girls in uniform are pretty sexy too actually.

* I'm a sucker for eyes...and smiles.

* Oh I do smile. Apparently I don't smile in photos, as I've been told, but I definitely smile all the time. =^.^=

* I am apparently the same in person as I am if you talk to me online. I've been told I am and told I'm not. The 'ares' seem to outweigh the "are nots" however I think that has to do with the purpose someone is meeting me. Come to think of it those who have met me on the friend basis find me the same. Those who haven't have found me a tad different.

* I'm a music snob. Contrary to someone's particular belief, I won't force my music upon you. I might beg you to listen to a song or something but if you absolutely don't want it, it doesn't happen.

* I am loyal to a fault sometimes. I've been described as a "puppy dog." I think it was perhaps an insult, but oh well.

* And don't think insulting me will work. I know I'm not a vision of typical and accepted beauty, I know I'm not perfect, and I know there will always be someone prettier or more graceful than me. So please don't try to ruffle my feathers. It doesn't work.

* I will not cyber, roleplay sexually, or anything of the sort with anyone.. You will be blocked.

*I call people "lovely" if I think they are. Do not mistake it for me hitting on you.

* I am a roleplayer- have been for nine plus years (text based). I do forum based, though I have tried my hand at pen and paper rpgs.

* For all that I enjoy BDSM, I am romantically very traditional.

* I jump in puddles and twirl in circles in the rain.

* If I tell you something doesn't matter when you ask my opinion, usually dealing with something to do, I honestly don't have an opinion. There's no hidden message there or anything of the sort. I just don't particularly have a preference.

* I'm an accepted SuicideGirl and I am an alternative model

* I'm a college student majoring in Creative Writing and Secondary Education. I want to teach overseas one day.

* I left part of my soul in Europe. I will return there to reclaim it. =^.^=

* I play the KEYTAR (Yes, that is what it is)

* If someone is worth it I will travel pretty far to see them and I've paid for one person's ticket to see me. Distance, as troubling as it can be at times, is not impossible. =^.^=

* I'm a romantic in the wrong century

* I love to cuddle and kiss. Insanely so.

* I am PANSEXUAL. Gender is irrelevant to me.

* I'm a very friendly person and I love meeting new people

* I think too much like a girl.

* I love to travel.

* I hate liars and I will not put up with you if you are one. I've had my share of them and I'm over it.

* Religions of all kinds are beautiful but don't try to toss your beliefs at me.

* I ADORE getting all dressed up.

* I BELIEVE in magic, unicorns, and faeries

* I'm a horseback rider. I ride English, and I used to compete.

* I like to bite and be bitten.

* I have a strong interest in IE...if you know what that is, awesome. If you don't, awesome as well. ^^ If you want to know, ask me...but it has to do with BDSM.

EDITORS

• Draechon
• Kotodateru

What I'm doing with my life Propose an edit

As my university won't let me double major I'm getting a Creative Writing/English degree. I plan on going to graduate school for creative writing and teaching writing as well.

I am also, for this upcoming year the editor of my university's literary magazine. xD

I'm attempting to write my novel. I'm getting there slowly. This is my all consuming goal at the moment...oh and classes. xD

And I'm trying to pick up my hair falls business again.

I'm really good at Propose an edit

I'm not really good at anything of much importance- just little things- those things which are often unnoticed except by a few.

Listening. And talking. I'm an amazing talker. You have no idea. My dad used to pay me to shut up when I was little. ^^

And apparently I'm really good at being a friend. And I'm great at being silly and random...and apparently I give good hugs.

And I'm good at cuddling.

And making those faces that I put into action brackets...like..¬shifty eyes¬ and ¬scrunches nose¬...the only one I can't do is ¬arches eyebrow¬ Both my eyebrows seem to go up but oh well xD

I'm also good at dancing around my room with a hairbrush singing....it's fun and I've perfected it...

I'm good at making funny faces apparently...One day my face will freeze that way, but until than...xD

And I'm good at answering the phone at 3am and staying awake with someone who is in a crises no matter how much I need sleep. xD
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The first thing(s) people usually notice about me Propose an edit

I'm different. I dress differently, I have piercings (lip (x2) and nose), my hair is generally a different color (currently pink in the front). And I'm not a size zero. That's on a face value look. According to rating sites, I'm approximately a rating of 6 (so this has gone up in the past week or so. xD) So there you go.

As for something slightly deeper, yet still part of a first impression- I'm polite and shy at first, and I have insanely expressive eyes, as told to me by one of my professors, which in some ways creeped be out. xD

My favorite books, movies, music, and food Propose an edit

I adore reading. Wuthering Heights,The Tattooed Girl, Girl With The Pearl Earring, The Black Jewels Trilogy, The Virgin Blue, Anne Rice's Sleeping Beauty Series, Pride and Prejudice, to name a few. I also love manga, including Loveless, Model, Gravitation

Music is amazing. I love industrial,synthpop, ambient, techno, EBM, 80s...Some of my favorite bands are London After Midnight, Bella Morte,The Birthday Massacre, VNV Nation, The Cruxshadows, Combichrist, Rasputina, Grateful Dead, Panic! at the Disco, Dresden Dolls, Mesh, Aiden, AFI, Blaqk Audio, Stromkern, Seabound, Billy Joel, Bob Dylan, Billy Holday] (he makes me giggle), The Beatles, The Kinks, Simon and Garfunkel, Elevator Confession, Velvet Acid Christ. Emilie Autumn.

And, as for food. Chocolate..and pasta. xD And mm I like to cook period. Not that I'm all that good at it, but yeah. I can only cook like four things....pasta (Several different kinds by the way), tex mex stuff (I worked at Pancheros for a semester..ten times better than Moes. xD)..and well that's probably all..but I can bake. xD

And movies. I love movies. I like foreign films, comedies, movies that make me think, and psychological movies. And the good old chick flick. ^^

The six things I could never do without Propose an edit

Aside from the usuals- water, food..I couldn't do without

1. actual hand written letters.

2. Music.

3. My family

4. Those few good friends I have.

5. Books.

6. Art.

I spend a lot of time thinking about Propose an edit

I think a lot about the existence of happiness and the meaning of life- seriously. And I think about other people and how to make others happy. And I think about random things...like magic and the like.. xD

I also spend a lot of time thinking about romance...like old school courting and stuff like that. It's brilliant really and it makes me feel good.

I also think about why in the world i gave up caffeine. I miss it.

On a typical Friday night I am Propose an edit

Fridays...meh...Honestly I'm pretty much at home most Fridays. Since moving my social life has collapsed dismally and I usually end up finding solace in my internet friends or a movie (the people at Blockbuster know me by name).

Sometimes, on the rare occasion that I'm out I will venture into different sorts of clubs and music venues.

On the even rarer occasion that I have someone to do something with, we tend to find something amusing. =^.^=

However, I can also often be found at the local Barnes and Nobles with a cup of hot chocolate (despite the outside temperature) and a good book.

The most private thing I'm willing to admit here Propose an edit

I called my mom every day last year when I was at school.

And I call my parents mommy and daddy even though I'm 20.

And I am a cutter. It's come back, and I'm working on it going again. I don't do it for attention, I don't do it because I like how it looks. My reasons are far more complicated than that. And I don't do it where it is always visible. If this bothers you, than don't talk to me. I'm not proud of it at all, but it's something I'm struggling to stop.

And there are some bigger things but you'll get to know them if you get to know me.

You should message me if Propose an edit

Well, since is is a dating site I'll start with the reason to do with wanting to be with me. I want something real. I don't care if it's long distance to start, because anything can be made to work- anything, if you want it enough. I want someone I can talk to, who can listen, who will actually talk to me back, who can be funny and serious when need be, who isn't ashamed of me, who doesn't lie, and who cares. I'm not looking for short term crap- it's a waste of everyone's time.

So this is what I want and I stole this from Ali, but it's mostly true. Take it as a guideline. "I want love. I want someone that can treat me like a person. Not a sex toy. Someone who would sing to me at random moments. Someone who is goofy AND romantic. Someone who would throw stuffed animals at me when I'm acting dumb. Someone who would play with my hair&surprise me with 25-cent rings. Someone who I could lay on a blanket with to count the stars. I wear my heart on my sleeve,and I can't help it. I just want someone that will be there for me. No matter what."

So apparently I go for the wrong kind of guys and girls all the time, don't know why really, but I do..and it's not like I go for the "bad boys," the ones you can't bring to your parents...I just go for the liars and the ones afraid of commitment evidently...so yes. So if you fit into either of those two categories, don't mess with me, k? You'll feel my claws. ^^

Also, don't message me if the fact that I am very close with a few of my males friends bothers you. I don't need you to try to make me feel awkward about my friends or how I act towards them. These few guys have earned my trust and adoration in ways you'll probably never even come close too and if you try to mess that up, goodbye.

However!!! If you have a sense of humor, don't just want sex from a "kinky goth chick." Seriously, I'm over those kinds of email messages. So back off.

....if you want to talk, maybe make a friend, or anything of the sort, I'm a good person to chat with. xD

Oh, and if you would be willing to watch The Last Unicorn with me, you're amazing and I definitely want to talk to you.

And if you like to dance around in your room singing to music than I want to talk to you too.

And if you'll put up with my music ADD when in the car.

And if you'll put up with the fact that I have some emotional baggage. I'm more than capable of telling you if you feel like you need to know.

And if you believe in unicorns, or want to go faerie hunting with me in the woods...or you don't mind putting makeup on and being dragged to some random club thing with me (I give you fair warning in advance and you can say no)...or if you don't mind me talking in my sleep.

And if you like adventures. xD

And, pretty much if you're not crap. I'm really tired of the people who say they want to be friends with me or more and who fuck it up. Seriously, I'm not here for your amusement, and I don't need you to waste my time. xD

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