Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
[Update: I just re-read my profile and I've really come to
appreciate how drunk I was when I added all this info. I hope
someone thinks I'm at least half as funny as drunk-me thinks I
I've got a couple tattoos and I'm gonna get more eventually. My
hair is blond without an e. I'm not interested in sports, but I'm
good at faking it (especially when I'm drunk). I can't swim at all.
You might think that really limits my life experiences, but I'm not
a fish. So it really doesn't affect me.
This is more difficult than it should be.
I'm a really nice guy with a really horrible and distasteful sense
of humor. I say fuck a lot. Too much, probably. My house might be
haunted, and it also might not be. I can't really be sure. My
biggest fears are bees, wasps, and any other sort of flying
poison-filled hell beasts that were created for the sole purpose of
putting fear into the hearts of men. I have the strangest dreams,
but so does everyone.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I segued past college after high school and now I'm a bartender.
This is the American Dream.
I'm not one of those "You can do anything you set your mind
to"-types, but I think a little motivation can go a long way. That
being said, I'm about average at most things I've done (except
Foosball; I'm fucking horrible at Foosball). I haven't really found
my true calling yet, but I'm looking for it as hard as I can. I
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
I'm really good at getting people to like me. Unless they're
assholes. I hate assholes. Not the butt-kind, but the Hitler-kind.
See? I just did it. Everyone hates Hitler, so I played off of that
and now we have a common ground with each other. That's the first
step to being best friends. I'm glad we could share this moment
Unless you like Hitler. In which case, what the fuck?
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I'm really positive. I like to keep the mood up as much as I can
wherever I go. Frequently this involves bourbon.
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
-Qdoba (seriously, whoever invented Qdoba should have enough karmic
blowjobs in the bank to last an eternity)
-My memory foam mattress [Memory Foam. It remembers me. :')]
-Water (which helps me not die from all of the Red Bull and
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
The future and everything. Where we're all going with our lives. If
you're not pursuing your passions then you're doing something
wrong, and I'm just trying to figure out which direction to go
Also, I'm perpetually having an existential crisis. So there's
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
I hate wet socks. Just so fucking much.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
Look, I realize that the type of girl I'm looking for is most
likely drinking and watching Netflix somewhere at this exact
moment. She probably just wants to sit alone in her sweat pants,
talk to her cat, and continue not giving a fuck about anything. But
I've got sweat pants and a salty disposition, too. We can figure
And bring a fat polar bear. It might help break the ice.
Who are you looking for?
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