24 Florence, KY
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My self-summary
[Update: I just re-read my profile and I've really come to appreciate how drunk I was when I added all this info. I hope someone thinks I'm at least half as funny as drunk-me thinks I am.]

I'm alright.

I've got a couple tattoos and I'm gonna get more eventually. My hair is blond without an e. I'm not interested in sports, but I'm good at faking it (especially when I'm drunk). I can't swim at all. You might think that really limits my life experiences, but I'm not a fish. So it really doesn't affect me.

This is more difficult than it should be.

I'm a really nice guy with a really horrible and distasteful sense of humor. I say fuck a lot. Too much, probably. My house might be haunted, and it also might not be. I can't really be sure. My biggest fears are bees, wasps, and any other sort of flying poison-filled hell beasts that were created for the sole purpose of putting fear into the hearts of men. I have the strangest dreams, but so does everyone.
What I’m doing with my life
I segued past college after high school and now I'm a bartender. This is the American Dream.

I'm not one of those "You can do anything you set your mind to"-types, but I think a little motivation can go a long way. That being said, I'm about average at most things I've done (except Foosball; I'm fucking horrible at Foosball). I haven't really found my true calling yet, but I'm looking for it as hard as I can. I promise.
I’m really good at
I'm really good at getting people to like me. Unless they're assholes. I hate assholes. Not the butt-kind, but the Hitler-kind. Fucking Hitler.

See? I just did it. Everyone hates Hitler, so I played off of that and now we have a common ground with each other. That's the first step to being best friends. I'm glad we could share this moment together.

Unless you like Hitler. In which case, what the fuck?
The first things people usually notice about me
I'm really positive. I like to keep the mood up as much as I can wherever I go. Frequently this involves bourbon.
The six things I could never do without
-My friends
-Qdoba (seriously, whoever invented Qdoba should have enough karmic blowjobs in the bank to last an eternity)
-Red Bull
-My memory foam mattress [Memory Foam. It remembers me. :')]
-Water (which helps me not die from all of the Red Bull and alcohol)
I spend a lot of time thinking about
The future and everything. Where we're all going with our lives. If you're not pursuing your passions then you're doing something wrong, and I'm just trying to figure out which direction to go in.

Also, I'm perpetually having an existential crisis. So there's that.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I hate wet socks. Just so fucking much.
You should message me if
Look, I realize that the type of girl I'm looking for is most likely drinking and watching Netflix somewhere at this exact moment. She probably just wants to sit alone in her sweat pants, talk to her cat, and continue not giving a fuck about anything. But I've got sweat pants and a salty disposition, too. We can figure this out.

And bring a fat polar bear. It might help break the ice.

ha. gotcha.