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28 Cambridge, MA Woman


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I’m looking for

  • Men
  • Ages 25–38
  • Near me
  • Who are single
  • For long-term dating, short-term dating

My details

Last online
Yesterday – 4:59pm
5′ 7″ (1.71m)
Body Type
Strictly anything
Not at all
Atheism, and laughing about it
Cancer, and it’s fun to think about
Graduated from space camp
Strictly monogamous
Doesn’t have kids
Has dogs
English (Fluently), Spanish (Okay), Japanese (Poorly), C++ (Poorly), Italian (Poorly)
My self-summary
Write a little about yourself. Just a paragraph will do.
Let me get this out of the way now: Not just looking for a Netflix and Chill. I can Netflix and Chill on my own and frankly can do a better job. I'm actually looking for something that could become a real relationship.

That probably scared a bunch of you away.

I got really emotional watching a documentary about the quest to find the landfill of E.T. Atari cartridges recently.

I have a lot of tattoos and some piercings yadda yadda, but if you're only messaging me because you find that a novelty/fetish/someone you wouldn't usually date, don't bother.


My birthdate shares the same date that Neil Armstrong stepped on the moon, and the U.S.S.R. launched the Mars.

According to Kiersey/MBTI, I'm a INFJ.
What I’m doing with my life
Don’t overthink this one; tell us what you’re doing day-to-day.
I'm a dog groomer. Ask me about: customers asking to give a taxidermy dog a hair cut, finding weed nugs in dog hair, and becoming a unlicensed therapist to people that only have their dogs to talk to.

Oh, and the Kraft family doesn't tip. That is your Deflate-Gate karma, assholes.

Recovering from ACL reconstruction and a bucket flip tear meniscus surgery from a half a year ago; get excited. My new ligament came from a cadaver, so when I fuck someone it will be like having a three-way in spirit. With a splash of necrophilia. I have a busted achilles tendon. I'm falling apart.

420 watch Doctor Who everyday.
I’m really good at
Go on, brag a little (or a lot). We won’t judge.
Using sharp pointy objects with live animals without being mauled.

Applying eyeliner.

Impulse decisions. It's not really a bad thing - it usually results in buying really good (expensive) tickets to shows.
The first things people usually notice about me
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
On a date, a guy told me I sound a lot like Marc Maron with a vagina. I take this as a compliment. BAM!

I have a tattoo.

I have awesome eyebrows. For real. They are legendary.

I often sport Ronnie Spector/Amy Winehouse winged out eyeliner.

I will probably be the most monotone person you will ever meet. This is often misunderstood; I am incredibly fucking dry and you should find it adorable. Most people think I hate them when I first meet them, then we end up being good friends or dating.

I get messages on here calling me a cunt every once in a while. Yeah, well, that's just, like, your opinion man.
Favorite books, movies, shows, music, and food
Help your potential matches find common interests.
The Art of Getting Over, Pale Fire, Borges, Hunter S. Thompson, Italo Calvino, Infinite Jest, Steve Almond, Disco Bloodbath, Candyfreak, Burroughs, Richard Brautigan, Brave New World, TiHKAL, PiHKAL, Cosmicomics, Fear and Loathing on the Campaign Trail '72, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle, My Life in Heavy Metal: Stories, Noam Chomsky, Nabokov

Movies: Style Wars, 200 Motels, The Room, From Dusk Till Dawn, Message from Space, Blue Velvet, Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, Trainspotting, Dr. Strange Love, How to Draw a Bunny, King of Kong, Wildstyle, I Heart Huckabees, Gran Torino, Party Monster, Bomb It, SLC Punk, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, The Big Lebowski, This is England, Bridesmaids, Team America World Police, Love and Other Drugs, The Rules of Attraction, Boogie Nights

Nada Surf, Bowie, Renaldo and the Loaf, St. Etienne, Panda Bear, 60's Garage, Faith No More, Dio, Mogwai, She & Him, Gorillaz, Cibo Matto, Squarepusher, Radiohead, Pet Shop Boys, Morrissey, Trentemøller, The Like, OutKast, Kanye West, Amy Winehouse, The Beach Boys, Brian Wilson, the bird and the bee, Breeders, PIXIES, Acid Mothers Temple, Love, Gnarls Barkley, Ghostface Killah, Mike Patton, Mr. Bungle, The Turtles, The New Pornographers, Harry Nilsson, Fever Tree, Amon Amarth, Animal Collective, Super Furry Animals, Brian Eno, Shpongle, Underworld, Cornelius, Common, Beyoncé, Blur, Goldfrapp, Blondie, George Harrison, The Flaming Lips, Thenewno2, Infected Mushroom, Electric Six, Lightning Bolt, The Smiths, Sleep, 13th Floor Elevators, Captain Beefheart, Wutang, Darkthrowne, Anal Cunt, The Beatles, Janelle Monae, Billy Nichols, Lady Gaga, Diplo, Sleigh Bells, Iron Maiden, Slayer, Throwing Muses, Boards Of Canada, Autechre, The Action, Os Mutantes, The Brian Jonestown Massacre, Electric Prunes, The Damned, New Order, Eels, Santigold, Bruno Mars, Beach House, Sia, The Real Kids, Marina and the Diamonds, Rocky Erickson, Spoon, Cramps, De La Soul

Raw Oysters , Phở Dac Biet, Banh Mi, Xiaolongbao, Beef Tongue/Tripe/Marrow, Collard Greens, Hot Sauce, saag paneer, birth control pills, Duck Confit, Mahi Mahi, stroke educing Eggs Benedict.

Shameless, Skins UK, Tim and Eric Awesome Show Great Job!, The Young Ones, Inbetweeners UK, Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Tom Goes to Mayor, Arrested Development, Peep Show, Eastbound and Down, Clone High, Glee, Curb Your Enthusiasm, Black Books, Six Feet Under, Conan, Rescue Me, The Ricky Gervais Show, Mr. Show, Regular Show, An Idiot Abroad, Portlandia, Kids in the Hall, Rick and Morty, Maron

Portal 2, Lunar Silver Star Story, Rival Schools, Rez, Earthbound, Rockband, Silent Hill, Gitaroo Man, Project Justice, Quendan, Marvel vs. Capcom 2, Super Mario RPG, Kid Icarus, Ico, Super Metroid, Final Fantasy Tactics, Vib Ribbon, Katamari Damacy, River City Ransom, Jet Grind Radio, Streets of Rage, Initial D, Tekken, Phoenix Wright, Legend of Zelda: Link to the Past, Trauma Center, Marvel vs. Capcom 3, Illusion of Gaia, Secret of Evermore, Final Fantasy VIII, etc

Podcasts: The Nerdist, Comedy Bang! Bang!, The Bugle, WTF with Marc Maron, The Ricky Gervais Podcast, How Did This Get Made?
The six things I could never do without
Think outside the box. Sometimes the little things can say a lot.
seltzer, my dogs, Eyeliner, Carl Sagan, my blackbook, Lush products
I spend a lot of time thinking about
Global warming, lunch, or your next vacation… it’s all fair game.
Why does everyone have a stupid fucking Macklemore haircut on here?

Why so many guys list some variation of "living", or "living the life" in their self summary/what I'm doing with my life section. Congrats on that. Yes, you are alive.

If this profile is legitimately offputting, or you have a shitty sense of humor.

If you are over the age of 21 and have watermarked profile pictures from "Throwed", the 18+ night at the Middle East, you should probably consider a lifestyle change

Why so many people say "I like everything except rap and country". Go fuck yourself.

Is there a substantial subgroup of people that exclusively only listen to Country and Rap?

I don't know why so many dudes list themselves as "Undeclared" on this website; who the fuck do you think you are? Vin Diesel?

Number stations.

I'm wary when I see people's favorite book list, and it's limited to selections from Freshmen-Senior high year high school AP English required reading lists.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time.

Soviet Space Dogs.


You know Kel, formally of "Keenan and Kel", hosts orange soda parties in NYC? I'm serious.
On a typical Friday night I am
Netflix and takeout, or getting your party on — how do you let loose?
I work a hair dresser schedule, so probably exhausted from Friday and having to get ready for a busy Saturday work day.

So, watching Rick and Morty.
The most private thing I’m willing to admit
I’m an empty essay… fill me out!
My 7th grade Sex-Ed told me I "had child bearing hips" in front of the entire class.

I'm not as much of a misanthrope as this profile would lead you to believe.

I have a crush on Stephen Merchant, and I'd love to have his tall babies. I also wanna bang Bill Hader and Jason Schwartzman, so I don't tend to be attracted to conventional looking men apparently. I had a wet dream about Jay Baruchel recently; that was weird.

I have sleep paralysis on a somewhat regular basis. No, I do not have narcolepsy. As a child, I've been told that I had night terrors. Maybe I am secretly H.R. Giger.

It's a tough fit.

I have terrible vision. I wear contacts for long stretches of time without taking them out. My eyeballs are probably going to fall out.

I own a pink limited edition Japanese Dreamcast, and I played a dating sim/mecha/strategy RPG on Japanese.

I slipped in beer at The Middle East, while holding a tall boy of Coors, got beer in my hair, and immediately went to the bathroom to use the hand dryer to blow dry my hair.

I'm terrified of sunflowers.

I guess there are a lot of things I'm willing to admit.
You should message me if
Offer a few tips to help matches win you over.
You aren't from around here.

You are a British ex-pat. Dat accent.

You enjoy freight yards.

I like: glasses, guitars, nice hair, neurotic tendencies (apparently), tall + lanky, sense of humor, and boners. The last two are pretty important. Also, the guitars. I also like a good trainwreck.

You aren't a spaz.

You wanna watch Manowar DVDs. Riding horses made of steel.

NINTENDO PRO TIPS: Be over your last ex. I don't give a shit about your ex. くたばれ. No, really.

I wouldn't be opposed to fucking while I was on the rag, as long as Slayer's "Reign in Blood" was blasting in the background.

I'm joking. I think. I don't know anymore honestly.